..here i am lord, is it i, lord..
today was grandpa's memorial service. i felt alone. cast away. brushed aside. thats kind of how i've felt through this whole thing. no one has asked me how i feel about all of it..how im doing. i know that sounds selfish, but it just seems like no one really cares. i feel like i dont belong in my own house. there are all these people who i dont know. ive been kicked out of my room. i dont like it. i miss grandpa. i dont know what i want. i know exactly what i want. i want someone to come and hold me and let me cry and tell me that its okay. that i dont have to keep being strong. that i cfan let it all out. it was so hard for me to not cry at the funeral today but i just feel like i have to be strong for everyone else. it was so hard though. i want to let it out. let it all out. and then wash it away. thats what i want.