(no subject)
Title: Perfect
Fandom: Glee
Main Character: Sam
Chapter: Two
Warnings: None yet! (Nothing is major yet and they would spoil)
Summary: He's going to be the perfect student, the perfect football player, the perfect singer, the perfect brother, the perfect boyfriend and he will have the perfect body. He will be the perfect teenager. The perfect son.
Nobody at school has figured out that he's a foster child yet. It's not exactly something he plans to advertise, but he knows that eventually some people are going to find out. One of the perks of having Finn as his best friend has been that Finn doesn't question much. Finn never really seems to take conversations past school, football, Glee and girls. Sam likes it that way just fine. As long as Finn doesn't bring up his home life, then he's not even lying.
He knows that he needs to tell Quinn but he keeps putting it off. He doesn't exactly have a car and he knows that in all their plans to meet for dinner, she's eventually going to see his foster parents dropping him off. It would definitely be best to avoid the awkwardness of her referring to them as "Mr. or Mrs. Evans", but he just can't figure out how to tell her. "By the way, I'm a foster kid and that all boys boarding school ... yeah, I've never been there." doesn't seem like the best way to go about things.
Honestly, that stupid all boys school idea is one of the main reasons he's avoiding saying anything. He lied to her. He knows she's going to be mad. He really, really doesn't want her to be mad. He already knows he's not good enough for her. What if this is the last straw? What if it makes her so mad that she breaks up with him? It's nearly enough to make him freak out just to think about it. He loves her, but that's not even the only issue. His foster parents would figure out that he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore and they'd want to know why. He'd either have to lie to them or tell them that he'd lied to her. Then what would they do?
They can't find out that he's not perfect. He can't lose this. He can't move again. He's so sick of bouncing from home to home, from family to family, from life to life. He just wants it to stop. He wants to stay. This is the best place he's been. There might be bullies, but he's got actual friends. He's got a place where, somehow, he actually seems to fit in. He loves his foster siblings and everything just feels right. He's got foster parents that seem to care and nobody hurts him. He doesn't want any of this to go away.
Well, he supposed that saying nobody hurt him might be a bit of a stretch. Once he established himself as firmly on the side of his fellow Glee club members, that meant he was firmly against some of the more ... violent students at school. And they expressed their displeasure with that rather firmly as well. He can deal with that though. He couldn't just sit around and let them mess with his friends. And if that means he suffers with his friends, well, at least he has friends.
Ever since Kurt had left, the Glee club had been having to stick together more then ever. It seemed that with their favorite target gone, the bullies had decided to make up for it by tormenting their second favorite targets even more. Being in Glee club was beginning to get downright dangerous. He doesn't think it will be too hard to keep his foster parents from finding out though. None of his foster siblings are in high school, so there isn't anybody to tell them and if there's a bruise or two ... he'd had a lot of practice hiding those.
He'll just have to step it up some. He's no where near the boyfriend Quinn deserves. He'll have to work harder at that. Then maybe when he tells her that he's a foster kid, he'll be able to convince her not to leave him. Then if she doesn't leave him, nothing will ruin the illusion he's created for his foster family and everything will be ok. Nothing can slip. He doesn't get the best grades, and he's not the best singer, or the best football player - he's not the best at anything. He's trying for perfect, but all he's managing is perfectly average. And he's so tired. But he has to keep it up. If they find out who he really is, he's toast.
The perfect teenage boy loves football, not soccer. The perfect teenage boy is good at all his classes, not just English and History. The perfect teenage boy is not obsessed with learning every language he hears. The perfect teenage boy is not a bookworm. The perfect teenage boy is not addicted to science-fiction everything. The perfect teenage boy is not a geek. The perfect teenage boy is not him. So, he can't act like himself. He's not perfect and so he has to pretend to be. He's gotten really good at pretending.
It's pretty easy to pretend with his foster family and even with Finn. But it's harder with Quinn. Something about her has him always on his toes. He's always finding himself forgetting to pretend with her. He thinks it wouldn't be nearly as hard if he hadn't actually had feelings for her, but he does. He really cares about her and he thinks she's starting to care about him. The problem is that she doesn't really know him. And somehow that hurts, even though he knows that if she knew who he really was, she'd never love him.
As soon as he begins to dwell on that fact, Finn wanders into the weight room and interrupts his rambling thoughts. It's nearly becoming part of the routine for Finn to show up during his morning workout and babble about whatever is on his mind. Sam can't help but be interested in the fact that Finn has wandered in holding several papers this time and seems to be nearly bouncing up and down waiting on Sam to stop what he's doing and look at whatever he's got. Sometimes, Finn reminds Sam a bit of a combination of a hyper toddler and a very loyal dog.
The second he put down the weights, Finn was shoving papers in his hands,
"I found this awesome song and I'm trying to track down all the guys! I want us to sing it for Glee!" He exclaims.
"But we don't have a group project for Glee right now." Sam replies, puzzled.
"I know! But Mr. Shoue is wanting us to think of songs for Regionals and ... maybe if he likes it then the girls could sing with us on the chorus or something. But I just want to sing this. It's awesome. Read the lyrics!" Finn explains, still sounding much too excited for so early in the morning Sam thinks, but then he almost laughs, because really, he's been awake for hours already.
He looks down at the papers in his hand and starts reading the first few lines.
"What if nobody likes me?
What if I don't succeed?
What if I give it all that I've got
and I still don't got what they need?
What if I don't get anywhere at all?
Will I consider myself a failure?
Will I be that small?"
Wonderful. Finn's managed to find Sam's theme song and he doesn't even realize it. The only problem is that Sam has to live his life worried about "What If?". Chances are that he won't die tomorrow and that means he has to do everything possible to stay where he is. If he can just stay in this town, in this school, with this family .. maybe he'll be able to get some Summer jobs, maybe he'll even find time for a part time job eventually. Then maybe, just maybe, he'll manage a scholarship. He can't "live" now because he has to make sure he can survive later.
"You don't like it?" Finn asks, noticing the expression on Sam's face.
"Oh, no." Sam covers. "Sorry, my mind just wandered. It's cool song. I bet the others'll like it too."
"Ok, cool! I'm gonna go try and them. Puck's always late, but I think Artie may be in the band room. Mike..." he trails off as he tries to figure out where to find his other friend.
"Mike's probably with Tina. But I don't know where exactly they'll be." Sam offers.
"Oh, well. I should run into him at some point today." Finn says with grin as he waves and heads off in search of Artie.
Sam glances back at lyrics in his hands and wonders at the fact that this of all songs had to be Finn's new favorite. Most of the song sounds like his recent thoughts put to music. He'll just have to suck it up. He'll sing it with the other guys and he won't let them have any kind of hint that he means nearly every word. He can handle it.
He looks back at the weights. He's exhausted already today and since he managed to avoid eating breakfast at all this morning, he decides maybe he can go ahead and stop his workout a few minutes early. Now he just has to focus on making it through the day and staying awake. There's only around fifteen more hours until he can sleep. This should be fun.
Author's Note: I know, it's not that long and I've kinda been awhile. I'm sorry! I have many excuses involving five snow days, eight children 3-11 (my mom baby-sits) running through my house, a broken heater, much stress and taking some time to do research. I won't bore you with the details though. Many thanks to my friend Heather (Average Everyday Sane Psycho) for letting me bounce ideas around with her and for giving me the song mentioned in this chapter. By the way, the song is "What If" by Plain White T's.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I'll be back with more soon!