It's been a while but I gotta
Hi livejournal. It's been a while since I have used you but right now I feel that I really need this. And I type faster than I write so it just works out.
Life has been nothing but changing. I thought everything was going to be fine when I moved out of my parents' house. No drama... no fights... just live!! AND GUESS WHAT? it is from from that. I have thsi evil roommate. Her actions are not even that horrible (although they still suck) but her words and theories and just heart are evil. She is one of those people that I honestly think are the kind your parents always teach you to avoid. It figuires that I have this kind of luck... The place I found was amazing and the other roommate was great too. However, Melissa just makes most of it go to shit. When she comes home, everything inside of me tenses up and gets rigid. She stomps around causing conflict and says things that are insane!! Everything this girl is is enough to make me throw up. I was stupid enough to try and make things work... lower myself and sacrifice my pride to make us work. But no... it just doesnt and i feel worse because of it. I just cannot believe my luck. If i can take back finding her I would. And now... Katie and I have to move out because we cant handle it anymore. WHY? what the fuck!!! and then on top of that pay 50 more dollars a month in rent. Shit is tough with money as it is. I cant believe this situation. I know i will make it work but cant i just have a good month for once? I know that once katie and i move out together everything will be fine because she is great. but 28 more days of mellissa seems unbearable to me.
i cannot get anything done in my life with this problem. homework cant even be on my mind while all i can think about is how rude she is and how much disrespect she has shown to myself, katie and my little kitten. I just wish she can get a taste of her own medicine. i know it is unhealthy to want revenge and i need to let go but i just cannot seem to. I just want REVENGE. god, thats horrible to say. I have foundmyself thinking the most inappropriate and horrible thoughts while i have had priblems with melissa. Stuff that i would NEVER in my life think to do. I dont do them but the fact that i think them scared me. People are unreasonable and walking away from a situation is the smartest thing to do and just not look back. However, i cant help to look back and feel emotions because of it. i dont know how i would be able to tolerate driving by her house every day when i live right across the street. seriously though... i need to stop this rambling. so what if she gets the place that is gorgeous inside but at leaset i will be happy in a smaller place, right? because i will have peace of mind... and no worries of drama coming home at 530, right???
i am just so the kind of person whose ego stands in their way of being happy sometimes. i know i need to just step back and let her win this one but i cant when i am being accused of so much that isnt true and then made feel uncomfortable in my own home that is furnished by me. and have her sit on MY couch... and utilize me... and me feel shitty over it afterwards. I know i need to stop myself from feeling this way but it is easy to stop actions... not thoughts and feelings. I am very emotional and i read into things a lot. therefore, me shutting my emotions out is nearly impossible. it's just not me. but i need to start.
i am rambling and coming up with no conclusions. i need to stop torturing myself over this. its ok for the good guy to loose sometimes... it happens... whatever... there's songs written about that and everyone gets through it just fine. I am not even losing... i already have a place lined up with a roommate and furniture and a great boyfriend and a good school and a great future ahead of me. I just gotta suck it up and move forward without letting her stunt my happiness.
I have just never been this negative before in my entire life. NEVER ever.... i shock myself and am ashamed. i cannot believe how i have acted and how i have not taken my own advice when others have been in situations like this. BE THE BIGGER PERSON. DO NOT FEED THE FLAMES. IGNORE IT EVEN IF UR TEETH GRIND. from now on i will be different. One day at a time does it and i KNOW i have learned so much and that's all i can take out of this situation. a bruised ego sucks but whatever... when i am older i will have a career and move forward... and she will still be in her low paid job with a raise every decade forever. SEE THERE I GO AGAIN. thats unlike me. tisk tisk tisk katie.
i just hope that the days go by quick because i will honestly give myself a stomach ulcer and hung cancer from the stress.
ok time for bed. i still feel shitty though :(
-katie
Life has been nothing but changing. I thought everything was going to be fine when I moved out of my parents' house. No drama... no fights... just live!! AND GUESS WHAT? it is from from that. I have thsi evil roommate. Her actions are not even that horrible (although they still suck) but her words and theories and just heart are evil. She is one of those people that I honestly think are the kind your parents always teach you to avoid. It figuires that I have this kind of luck... The place I found was amazing and the other roommate was great too. However, Melissa just makes most of it go to shit. When she comes home, everything inside of me tenses up and gets rigid. She stomps around causing conflict and says things that are insane!! Everything this girl is is enough to make me throw up. I was stupid enough to try and make things work... lower myself and sacrifice my pride to make us work. But no... it just doesnt and i feel worse because of it. I just cannot believe my luck. If i can take back finding her I would. And now... Katie and I have to move out because we cant handle it anymore. WHY? what the fuck!!! and then on top of that pay 50 more dollars a month in rent. Shit is tough with money as it is. I cant believe this situation. I know i will make it work but cant i just have a good month for once? I know that once katie and i move out together everything will be fine because she is great. but 28 more days of mellissa seems unbearable to me.
i cannot get anything done in my life with this problem. homework cant even be on my mind while all i can think about is how rude she is and how much disrespect she has shown to myself, katie and my little kitten. I just wish she can get a taste of her own medicine. i know it is unhealthy to want revenge and i need to let go but i just cannot seem to. I just want REVENGE. god, thats horrible to say. I have foundmyself thinking the most inappropriate and horrible thoughts while i have had priblems with melissa. Stuff that i would NEVER in my life think to do. I dont do them but the fact that i think them scared me. People are unreasonable and walking away from a situation is the smartest thing to do and just not look back. However, i cant help to look back and feel emotions because of it. i dont know how i would be able to tolerate driving by her house every day when i live right across the street. seriously though... i need to stop this rambling. so what if she gets the place that is gorgeous inside but at leaset i will be happy in a smaller place, right? because i will have peace of mind... and no worries of drama coming home at 530, right???
i am just so the kind of person whose ego stands in their way of being happy sometimes. i know i need to just step back and let her win this one but i cant when i am being accused of so much that isnt true and then made feel uncomfortable in my own home that is furnished by me. and have her sit on MY couch... and utilize me... and me feel shitty over it afterwards. I know i need to stop myself from feeling this way but it is easy to stop actions... not thoughts and feelings. I am very emotional and i read into things a lot. therefore, me shutting my emotions out is nearly impossible. it's just not me. but i need to start.
i am rambling and coming up with no conclusions. i need to stop torturing myself over this. its ok for the good guy to loose sometimes... it happens... whatever... there's songs written about that and everyone gets through it just fine. I am not even losing... i already have a place lined up with a roommate and furniture and a great boyfriend and a good school and a great future ahead of me. I just gotta suck it up and move forward without letting her stunt my happiness.
I have just never been this negative before in my entire life. NEVER ever.... i shock myself and am ashamed. i cannot believe how i have acted and how i have not taken my own advice when others have been in situations like this. BE THE BIGGER PERSON. DO NOT FEED THE FLAMES. IGNORE IT EVEN IF UR TEETH GRIND. from now on i will be different. One day at a time does it and i KNOW i have learned so much and that's all i can take out of this situation. a bruised ego sucks but whatever... when i am older i will have a career and move forward... and she will still be in her low paid job with a raise every decade forever. SEE THERE I GO AGAIN. thats unlike me. tisk tisk tisk katie.
i just hope that the days go by quick because i will honestly give myself a stomach ulcer and hung cancer from the stress.
ok time for bed. i still feel shitty though :(
-katie