Shit...shit...SHHHHIT!
Well lets see where to start..besides living poor and pretending to be big, and not letting anyone know about me. It'll only hurt me in the end. Working a shity job where I do all the work and they are sexes bastards but not wanting to quite becasue mom needs the money becasue things are so hard. Having someone who means so much, yet hurts you so much. Thinking about things when you get a minute to yourself and it only upseting you more. Maybe it's me, maybe I take things to seriously. Maybe I should share and not think that sharing will lead to my betrail. Learn to ask for help. I can't. I gotta be strong and do things for myself. Not many if any are willing to help a poor black girl. I need to get my life together so I can lead a better life than thoses who have lived before me. I just don't understabd anything. Why I hurt...why I have to fight everything so hard. Why nothing comes easy, and why no one wants to give me a chance, and when I take a step foward I just get dragged back. Why I cry myself to sleep, or can't sleep at all...work so hard for nothing....why no one gets me, and I'm so...alone. Nothing makes sence, nothing is how it's suppose to be.
mmmmm....I was at work today, Shity day it was, after being yelled at by a no body that happens to "manage" me and my coworkers. Ha! what a joke that is. I hate...I meand HATE assholes that think they run me...thinking I should call them massa practically. When in reality I can do there job and mine...I'm like 2 fucking people and you can't wait a minute while I get some shit together...Have some shit actually done before I get to work so I don't have to do it my damn self. I should just make my own bussiness so that I don't have to deal with it...I can just say your fired. No wonder they have to hire so many people becasue they aren't selective in the first place. I gotta get water and ice and seeds and god knows what else and then beg for money, then when it's time to give rewards oh it's just a girl. so sick I am of this shit. Oh how I dream of being with someone I love and ador and won't hurt me and will sooth my pain away, worth living for and be successful and happy. Sometimes that's all I dream about. I don't have to be rich, or famous....I just want to share myself with another and give my love and appreciation to another that wants it...amd I just want the same in return. I'd work so hard just for them and do for them. But who knows if that'll ever happen...Men are such asses ¬¬.....someone should tell me why and where to find one that isn't an ass and if he's taken. Oh how I wish to be held in warmth....never would have thought I was such a romantic....but I guess most want that...even if they do chase after those bastards of men ¬¬...oh well..I'm done ranting about nothing...hopefully I'll make it...till next time....