Postal Vindication
The Cast
At my brokerage I am a member of a 'group.' It's kiiiiind of like a little brokerage within the big brokerage.
The 'senior members' of this group are:
Helen - sweeeeeeet old lady, been in the business 32 years, her husband is ~20 yrs older than she and is living in a home b/c of advanced alzheimer's/dimensia, o! and did I mention that she's sweet? cuz she is really sweet
Susan - Helen's daughter, been in the business 15 years, she's a character with a story but it's not mine to tell, wears alot of black 'to look slimmer,' can drive smoke and talk on a cell phone all at once even with her good hand in a cast
The 'buyer agents' in the group are:
Ellen - Susan's since-childhood friend, she's been in the business for at least a few years now, I would classify her as bitter, but I don't know her very well, she's friendly enough
Greg - Ellen's son-in-law I think, used to do some sort of catering business, his wife just had a baby so he's not around much
Kat - (that's me!) she and her husband Tim bought their house through Susan and that's how she ended up working in this group, she is an exemplary human being and humble to boot ;), she will star as our heroine
Lucy - her parents have been friends with Helen and her husband for a loooooong time, she'd rather be doing staging but isn't certified yet, she used to be an OR nurse, she has great hair
Chris - he's brand new not even done Pru U, also bought a house through Susan, used to be a banker
The group also has an assistant:
Debbie - helpful fun and easy to talk to, good at keeping her mouth shut when she should, I don't think there's anything you might need that she can't conjure from within the depths of her amazing desk, her daughter is leaving for Spain soon and she's nervous b/c their Spanish exchange student of a few months ago was NOT a good influence, if I look as good in my late 40s as she does I'll be quite happy
Beth should also be introduced as Kat spends quite a bit of time in the resource room with Beth and finds her a pleasant companion as they both do their various computer-related tasks. Beth is a buyer agent for a different group and is a couple years younger than Kat, she has striking blue eyes, she became engaged on Christmas Eve, she has worked at Kat's brokerage for quite some time but only recently became an agent.
I thought these characters worth introducing even though most of them don't figure into today's plot ->
The Saga of the Bulk Mailing
In mid-December, our heroine, Kat, begins work on 'a mailing.'
'A mailing' is something Realtors® do to let people know they exist and hopefully drum up some business. It is generally a letter, flyer or postcard that is sent to a significant number of people in a target location.
Kat is feeling ambitious (and a little desperate) so she is preparing to send her mailing to 990 homes in 5 neighborhoods in 2 zip codes.
After picking her neighborhoods and printing her address labels, Kat designs her letters and selects the properties she feels her recipients will most apreciate information about.
Next she begins printing the 2000 pieces of paper this mailing entails in batches of 25-100 depending on how many other people are in the office and may want to use the printer.
She spends the next 2 weeks folding these pieces of paper and putting them into envelopes. She puts labels on the envelopes.
Kat is beginning to feel a sense of accomplishment.
Until she realizes how daunting a task sealing the envelopes is.
Kat spends another week sealing the envelopes and stamping them with the little 'Presort Standard, US Postage Paid, Permit No 50' stamp that Debbie conjured from within the depths of her amazing desk and kindly let Kat take home for the week.
At long last, on an unseasonably warm Saturday afternoon, Kat has completed her mailers! All that remains is to drop them off at the post office and hand in the form that must accompany bulk mailings that Debbie conjured from within the depths of her amazing desk.
Totally unaware of the long and arduous struggle ahead of her, Kat calls the post office at 3 o'clock to make sure they are open.
What's this? they close at 2 on Saturdays? Drat.
What what?! They only accept bulk mailings on weekdays?! Double drat.
Sunday the post offices are closed and Monday is Kat's most firm and regular day off, so our story resumes on Tuesday.
After finishing a number of tasks at the office, our heroine arrives at the post office around 2:30 on this lovely Tuesday afternoon.
The line is long, but she doesn't mind, she still believes the postal system is there to serve her.
Eventually it is her turn to approach the counter and discuss her situation with the smiling red-haired woman on the other side.
Kat knows that postage rates changed on Sunday and she's hoping this kindly red-haired woman can tell her what the new rates are so Kat can write the correct amount on her form and on her check.
But ho! The kindly woman turns out to be nothing more than a plastic-smiley-faced drone! She smiles as she coldly informs Kat that bulk mailings cannot be accepted after 2pm and that she has absolutely no idea what the new bulk mailing postage rates are and that 'Jim,'the man who is supposed to know, left at 2 when people were supposed to stop talking to postal employees about bulk mailings.
Our heroine begins to suspect that the seemingly minor task of actually mailing her mailings is not going to be as minor as she had imagined, and she is quite ready to be done hauling them hither and yon.
Kat returns to the post office at 10 o'clock on Wednesday morning feeling abundantly prepared for the trial that lies ahead of her. She has armed herself in a very becoming outfit and a great pair of shoes. That very morning, a kindly benefactor even donated just the right shade of lipstick to our heroine's cause.
Kat is not phased by the obscenely long line she encounters just inside the post office door. She is confident that her objective will be accomplished when she reaches the front of the line and that soon this troublesome ordeal will be behind her.
She arrives at the counter. Standing before her is a friendly looking man in his mid 40s. She gives him a winning smile and asks if she could please have a copy of the new bulk mail form with the new postage rates. The man exits stage right, stating that he will ask 'Jim' for one.
Kat lets out a contented sigh. The postal system is not her enemy after all.
A moment later the seemingly friendly man returns with an attack Kat was most unprepared for. He informs her that they do not have the new forms yet and that even 'Jim' does not know what the new bulk mail rates are.
Our heroine is dumbfounded by the ruthless reality of her adversary.
He tells her to check the postal website.
Kat pulls herself together and strikes quickly. She asks the pleasantly smiling demon before her if he could at least give her a copy of the old form as she has filled her copy in with information based on the old postage rates. He huffs a little as he heads for some shelves so she quickly attempts to mollify him by mentioning that if it's too much trouble, her assistant likely has more copies in the depths of her amazing desk.
The demon whirls to face Kat and jibes, "Your assistant?! How can you have an assistant?! No one your age should have an assistant! I don't even have an assistant!"
Taken aback, Kat attempts to explain that it is her group's assistant, not just hers, but quickly realizes such explanations are pointless. She considers that he may just have a very dry sense of humor and decides to play along. She laughs as she takes the requested forms and, with her head held high feeling impressive for having an assistant, makes her retreat back to the office.
Kat arrives at the office to find all the computers in both resource rooms already taken. She asks Beth if she would be willing to go to the postal website and help her find the new bulk postage rate information.
Beth is happy to help.
They are joined by everyone in the resource room and spend quite some time perusing various parts of the postal website before realizing that this battle is bigger than they ever would have imagined -> the postal website does not have the new bulk postage rates.
Suddenly, Linda enters the resource room. In desperation, Kat asks her if she knows the new bulk postage rates.
The tide of this battle is about to turn! Linda's assistant, Wendy, just successfully mailed a bulk mailing!
The honorable Linda bequeaths to our heroine the secret weapon, Wendy's cell phone number!
Kat rushes to call Wendy and asks for the all-important new bulk postage amounts. Wendy happily shares the enemy's tightly guarded secret - the new bulk mail rate is .261 per piece!
Exultantly, Kat fills out her bulk mail form!
Believing herself now able to stand up to anything the postal system dares to hit her with, Kat decides to spend a few hours at the office before making her final advance comfortably before 2 on her way to a showing at 3.
Kat arrives at the post office at 1:45. It's close, but should be plenty of time.
She pulls back her hair, sets her jaw and enters the building.
The line is the longest she's seen it yet. She begins to get a little nervous.
She has only barely stepped inside the door when she notices the smiling 40-something demon from that morning.
He looks up at her and jeers 'Why didn't you send your assistant?'
Kat laughs casually as though it's a great joke and turns to study the amazing array of bubble wrap to her right.
5 minutes later she has only advanced 3 feet. Her nervousness increases. Can she cover the remaining 15 feet in only 10 minutes to get her form in before 2?
The line seems to be moving interminably slowly. The clock is racing ahead. One of the employees goes on break! They are determined to thwart her!
At long last she reaches the front of the line and approaches the counter.
Him again. Why must it be him?
She steels herself and hands over her form. It's 2:02. Will he notice? Will he tell her to come back tomorrow?
He takes the form.
Relieved, Kat hands him her debit card.
"You haven't signed your card. Can I see some ID?"
Ha! Is that all you've got? Kat hands over her driver's license.
"Enter your PIN."
Kat enters the familiar number.
"Incorrect PIN, it says."
Gah! How could she let herself be caught off guard like that, of course, this was the card for her work account, not her personal account.
"Oops! Wrong card!" She laughs and enters the number she thinks must be the correct one. If only I used this card more often, I'm not certain I got that right....
"Still says incorrect PIN."
Gah! Once is ok, but twice is downright embarrassing.
"Well, there's only one other possibility," she says flippantly and anxiously enters the only other number she can concieve that it might be.
"It says it was declined because the card has been declared stolen."
She eyes her adversary, but he can't trap her that easily. She cocks her eyebrow and gives him an amused smirk.
"Haha, just kidding" he says and hands her the receipt.
It's over?! Not even another 'assistant' remark? Joy!
Kat all but skips to her car. Now all she has to do is drop the mailers off at the loading dock around back. Ok!
She parks in the back and gets her mailers out and onto the loading dock. She needs one more tray and two sleeves. Debbie said they should be back here....
She looks around but doesn't see them anywhere.
She rings the bell for service.
No one comes.
As she waits Kat notices a stack of the trays she needs. She grabs one. Now she just needs the sleeves.
She rings the bell again, a little harder, a little longer.
A minute later a man opens the door. Before Kat can even open her mouth to ask for the sleeves he looks behind her and notices her tray and boxes of mailers.
"We don't take bulk mailings after 2!" he barks as he looks at his watch.
"I was at the counter by 2!" our heroine bravely retorts.
"O... Well then. What do you need?"
"I need two sleeves please. And where should I leave these?"
"Are they in order?" he asks suspiciously.
Clearly he doesn't know Kat.
"Yes!"
"You can leave them right there. Hold on, I'll get you the sleeves."
Aaaaahhhh, things are finally starting to go the way they should!
A moment later another man comes out carrying 2 cardboard sleeves.
Kat arranges her mailings in the trays, makes sure the appropriate slips are in their appropriate pockets and even decides to leave the divider she was using to separate the 2 zip codes, just in case.
As though a great weight has been removed from her shoulders, she strolls to her car and heads off to her showing, right on time.
The showing goes smashingly. She has a lovely evening with her children and husband. She gets a good night's rest and heads into work Thursday morning elated at the prospects of a bright future and enjoying the spring-like weather.
Eagerly, she picks up her phone to check her voicemail.
Who's this? Is it Russell? It would be great to hear from him today!
Wait. Jim Carbo? I don't recognize that name....
Her jaw drops. It's 'Jim.' Jim who handles bulk mailings. Calling to tell her that she didn't sign the form? Her mailings have not been mailed and won't be until she comes in and signs the form?
Is there no end to their vile demands?!
Grrrrrr. Well, she has work she needs to do right now. She can hit the post office on her way to prayer group at 12 o'clock. That will be plenty before 2. Ha!
Over the next hour Kat realizes that she is not going to make it to prayer group. Suddenly she has 4 clients who all want to see things and 1 of them is in danger of not qualifying for a mortgage.
In between phone calls she flops despondently in her chair and vents to Debbie about her travails with the post office.
Debbie apologizes for not telling Kat about the 2 o'clock cut off and sympathizes, sharing stories of her own battles with the postal system.
Kat mentions that she isn't sure that she's going to manage to get over there before 2 with the way her day looks and jokingly asks Debbie if she could go sign the form for her.
"You know, actually I could," replies Debbie, "it wouldn't be any trouble at all, and I owe you for not telling you about the cut off time."
"That's right! It's all your fault," Kat jokingly replies. "Seriously though, you don't have to."
"No, no! It's really no trouble, I'll do it!" insists Debbie.
Kat thanks Debbie profusely and gives her her cell phone number in case there's any further trouble and Debbie heads off.
Then Kat realizes the full weight of her victory -> Not only will her mailers be mailed, but the smiling 40-something demon will get to meet her assistant!
At my brokerage I am a member of a 'group.' It's kiiiiind of like a little brokerage within the big brokerage.
The 'senior members' of this group are:
Helen - sweeeeeeet old lady, been in the business 32 years, her husband is ~20 yrs older than she and is living in a home b/c of advanced alzheimer's/dimensia, o! and did I mention that she's sweet? cuz she is really sweet
Susan - Helen's daughter, been in the business 15 years, she's a character with a story but it's not mine to tell, wears alot of black 'to look slimmer,' can drive smoke and talk on a cell phone all at once even with her good hand in a cast
The 'buyer agents' in the group are:
Ellen - Susan's since-childhood friend, she's been in the business for at least a few years now, I would classify her as bitter, but I don't know her very well, she's friendly enough
Greg - Ellen's son-in-law I think, used to do some sort of catering business, his wife just had a baby so he's not around much
Kat - (that's me!) she and her husband Tim bought their house through Susan and that's how she ended up working in this group, she is an exemplary human being and humble to boot ;), she will star as our heroine
Lucy - her parents have been friends with Helen and her husband for a loooooong time, she'd rather be doing staging but isn't certified yet, she used to be an OR nurse, she has great hair
Chris - he's brand new not even done Pru U, also bought a house through Susan, used to be a banker
The group also has an assistant:
Debbie - helpful fun and easy to talk to, good at keeping her mouth shut when she should, I don't think there's anything you might need that she can't conjure from within the depths of her amazing desk, her daughter is leaving for Spain soon and she's nervous b/c their Spanish exchange student of a few months ago was NOT a good influence, if I look as good in my late 40s as she does I'll be quite happy
Beth should also be introduced as Kat spends quite a bit of time in the resource room with Beth and finds her a pleasant companion as they both do their various computer-related tasks. Beth is a buyer agent for a different group and is a couple years younger than Kat, she has striking blue eyes, she became engaged on Christmas Eve, she has worked at Kat's brokerage for quite some time but only recently became an agent.
I thought these characters worth introducing even though most of them don't figure into today's plot ->
The Saga of the Bulk Mailing
In mid-December, our heroine, Kat, begins work on 'a mailing.'
'A mailing' is something Realtors® do to let people know they exist and hopefully drum up some business. It is generally a letter, flyer or postcard that is sent to a significant number of people in a target location.
Kat is feeling ambitious (and a little desperate) so she is preparing to send her mailing to 990 homes in 5 neighborhoods in 2 zip codes.
After picking her neighborhoods and printing her address labels, Kat designs her letters and selects the properties she feels her recipients will most apreciate information about.
Next she begins printing the 2000 pieces of paper this mailing entails in batches of 25-100 depending on how many other people are in the office and may want to use the printer.
She spends the next 2 weeks folding these pieces of paper and putting them into envelopes. She puts labels on the envelopes.
Kat is beginning to feel a sense of accomplishment.
Until she realizes how daunting a task sealing the envelopes is.
Kat spends another week sealing the envelopes and stamping them with the little 'Presort Standard, US Postage Paid, Permit No 50' stamp that Debbie conjured from within the depths of her amazing desk and kindly let Kat take home for the week.
At long last, on an unseasonably warm Saturday afternoon, Kat has completed her mailers! All that remains is to drop them off at the post office and hand in the form that must accompany bulk mailings that Debbie conjured from within the depths of her amazing desk.
Totally unaware of the long and arduous struggle ahead of her, Kat calls the post office at 3 o'clock to make sure they are open.
What's this? they close at 2 on Saturdays? Drat.
What what?! They only accept bulk mailings on weekdays?! Double drat.
Sunday the post offices are closed and Monday is Kat's most firm and regular day off, so our story resumes on Tuesday.
After finishing a number of tasks at the office, our heroine arrives at the post office around 2:30 on this lovely Tuesday afternoon.
The line is long, but she doesn't mind, she still believes the postal system is there to serve her.
Eventually it is her turn to approach the counter and discuss her situation with the smiling red-haired woman on the other side.
Kat knows that postage rates changed on Sunday and she's hoping this kindly red-haired woman can tell her what the new rates are so Kat can write the correct amount on her form and on her check.
But ho! The kindly woman turns out to be nothing more than a plastic-smiley-faced drone! She smiles as she coldly informs Kat that bulk mailings cannot be accepted after 2pm and that she has absolutely no idea what the new bulk mailing postage rates are and that 'Jim,'the man who is supposed to know, left at 2 when people were supposed to stop talking to postal employees about bulk mailings.
Our heroine begins to suspect that the seemingly minor task of actually mailing her mailings is not going to be as minor as she had imagined, and she is quite ready to be done hauling them hither and yon.
Kat returns to the post office at 10 o'clock on Wednesday morning feeling abundantly prepared for the trial that lies ahead of her. She has armed herself in a very becoming outfit and a great pair of shoes. That very morning, a kindly benefactor even donated just the right shade of lipstick to our heroine's cause.
Kat is not phased by the obscenely long line she encounters just inside the post office door. She is confident that her objective will be accomplished when she reaches the front of the line and that soon this troublesome ordeal will be behind her.
She arrives at the counter. Standing before her is a friendly looking man in his mid 40s. She gives him a winning smile and asks if she could please have a copy of the new bulk mail form with the new postage rates. The man exits stage right, stating that he will ask 'Jim' for one.
Kat lets out a contented sigh. The postal system is not her enemy after all.
A moment later the seemingly friendly man returns with an attack Kat was most unprepared for. He informs her that they do not have the new forms yet and that even 'Jim' does not know what the new bulk mail rates are.
Our heroine is dumbfounded by the ruthless reality of her adversary.
He tells her to check the postal website.
Kat pulls herself together and strikes quickly. She asks the pleasantly smiling demon before her if he could at least give her a copy of the old form as she has filled her copy in with information based on the old postage rates. He huffs a little as he heads for some shelves so she quickly attempts to mollify him by mentioning that if it's too much trouble, her assistant likely has more copies in the depths of her amazing desk.
The demon whirls to face Kat and jibes, "Your assistant?! How can you have an assistant?! No one your age should have an assistant! I don't even have an assistant!"
Taken aback, Kat attempts to explain that it is her group's assistant, not just hers, but quickly realizes such explanations are pointless. She considers that he may just have a very dry sense of humor and decides to play along. She laughs as she takes the requested forms and, with her head held high feeling impressive for having an assistant, makes her retreat back to the office.
Kat arrives at the office to find all the computers in both resource rooms already taken. She asks Beth if she would be willing to go to the postal website and help her find the new bulk postage rate information.
Beth is happy to help.
They are joined by everyone in the resource room and spend quite some time perusing various parts of the postal website before realizing that this battle is bigger than they ever would have imagined -> the postal website does not have the new bulk postage rates.
Suddenly, Linda enters the resource room. In desperation, Kat asks her if she knows the new bulk postage rates.
The tide of this battle is about to turn! Linda's assistant, Wendy, just successfully mailed a bulk mailing!
The honorable Linda bequeaths to our heroine the secret weapon, Wendy's cell phone number!
Kat rushes to call Wendy and asks for the all-important new bulk postage amounts. Wendy happily shares the enemy's tightly guarded secret - the new bulk mail rate is .261 per piece!
Exultantly, Kat fills out her bulk mail form!
Believing herself now able to stand up to anything the postal system dares to hit her with, Kat decides to spend a few hours at the office before making her final advance comfortably before 2 on her way to a showing at 3.
Kat arrives at the post office at 1:45. It's close, but should be plenty of time.
She pulls back her hair, sets her jaw and enters the building.
The line is the longest she's seen it yet. She begins to get a little nervous.
She has only barely stepped inside the door when she notices the smiling 40-something demon from that morning.
He looks up at her and jeers 'Why didn't you send your assistant?'
Kat laughs casually as though it's a great joke and turns to study the amazing array of bubble wrap to her right.
5 minutes later she has only advanced 3 feet. Her nervousness increases. Can she cover the remaining 15 feet in only 10 minutes to get her form in before 2?
The line seems to be moving interminably slowly. The clock is racing ahead. One of the employees goes on break! They are determined to thwart her!
At long last she reaches the front of the line and approaches the counter.
Him again. Why must it be him?
She steels herself and hands over her form. It's 2:02. Will he notice? Will he tell her to come back tomorrow?
He takes the form.
Relieved, Kat hands him her debit card.
"You haven't signed your card. Can I see some ID?"
Ha! Is that all you've got? Kat hands over her driver's license.
"Enter your PIN."
Kat enters the familiar number.
"Incorrect PIN, it says."
Gah! How could she let herself be caught off guard like that, of course, this was the card for her work account, not her personal account.
"Oops! Wrong card!" She laughs and enters the number she thinks must be the correct one. If only I used this card more often, I'm not certain I got that right....
"Still says incorrect PIN."
Gah! Once is ok, but twice is downright embarrassing.
"Well, there's only one other possibility," she says flippantly and anxiously enters the only other number she can concieve that it might be.
"It says it was declined because the card has been declared stolen."
She eyes her adversary, but he can't trap her that easily. She cocks her eyebrow and gives him an amused smirk.
"Haha, just kidding" he says and hands her the receipt.
It's over?! Not even another 'assistant' remark? Joy!
Kat all but skips to her car. Now all she has to do is drop the mailers off at the loading dock around back. Ok!
She parks in the back and gets her mailers out and onto the loading dock. She needs one more tray and two sleeves. Debbie said they should be back here....
She looks around but doesn't see them anywhere.
She rings the bell for service.
No one comes.
As she waits Kat notices a stack of the trays she needs. She grabs one. Now she just needs the sleeves.
She rings the bell again, a little harder, a little longer.
A minute later a man opens the door. Before Kat can even open her mouth to ask for the sleeves he looks behind her and notices her tray and boxes of mailers.
"We don't take bulk mailings after 2!" he barks as he looks at his watch.
"I was at the counter by 2!" our heroine bravely retorts.
"O... Well then. What do you need?"
"I need two sleeves please. And where should I leave these?"
"Are they in order?" he asks suspiciously.
Clearly he doesn't know Kat.
"Yes!"
"You can leave them right there. Hold on, I'll get you the sleeves."
Aaaaahhhh, things are finally starting to go the way they should!
A moment later another man comes out carrying 2 cardboard sleeves.
Kat arranges her mailings in the trays, makes sure the appropriate slips are in their appropriate pockets and even decides to leave the divider she was using to separate the 2 zip codes, just in case.
As though a great weight has been removed from her shoulders, she strolls to her car and heads off to her showing, right on time.
The showing goes smashingly. She has a lovely evening with her children and husband. She gets a good night's rest and heads into work Thursday morning elated at the prospects of a bright future and enjoying the spring-like weather.
Eagerly, she picks up her phone to check her voicemail.
Who's this? Is it Russell? It would be great to hear from him today!
Wait. Jim Carbo? I don't recognize that name....
Her jaw drops. It's 'Jim.' Jim who handles bulk mailings. Calling to tell her that she didn't sign the form? Her mailings have not been mailed and won't be until she comes in and signs the form?
Is there no end to their vile demands?!
Grrrrrr. Well, she has work she needs to do right now. She can hit the post office on her way to prayer group at 12 o'clock. That will be plenty before 2. Ha!
Over the next hour Kat realizes that she is not going to make it to prayer group. Suddenly she has 4 clients who all want to see things and 1 of them is in danger of not qualifying for a mortgage.
In between phone calls she flops despondently in her chair and vents to Debbie about her travails with the post office.
Debbie apologizes for not telling Kat about the 2 o'clock cut off and sympathizes, sharing stories of her own battles with the postal system.
Kat mentions that she isn't sure that she's going to manage to get over there before 2 with the way her day looks and jokingly asks Debbie if she could go sign the form for her.
"You know, actually I could," replies Debbie, "it wouldn't be any trouble at all, and I owe you for not telling you about the cut off time."
"That's right! It's all your fault," Kat jokingly replies. "Seriously though, you don't have to."
"No, no! It's really no trouble, I'll do it!" insists Debbie.
Kat thanks Debbie profusely and gives her her cell phone number in case there's any further trouble and Debbie heads off.
Then Kat realizes the full weight of her victory -> Not only will her mailers be mailed, but the smiling 40-something demon will get to meet her assistant!