The Arden Round Robin 4.0
IT'S MY TURN, BEACHES! Just tuning in? Catch up with past Arden posts here!
Now this is a story, all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down.
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called...er, Dorksville, actually.
Lars: I am far too sexy to live in Dorksville, Wisconsin.
Lars: This whole place is a joke. From what I heard, this place doesn't even let you woohoo-anywhere(.package). And I'm pretty sure I read that Pirate McSkittles hasn't ever lived here. This place is lame.
Despite his issues acclimating to a game other than stakeit_uk's, Lars was tickled pink that his premade mansion had a ballet bar, and made a beeline for it.
Lars: Wait a second! My Romance sense is tingling...is that...hot chicks I smell?
Hot Chicks: *are the welcome wagon*
Kingston Ricchelou: COME AND GET ME, LADIES!
Kingston. You're married. And so is Mesmer. Cool it.
Kingston: So...who wants to ring the doorbell?
Skintone Model: Um. Not me. I've heard...things about the Ardens. Horrible things.
Mesmer: I'm so not doing it that I'm not even IN this shot.
Kingston: Well, I'm not doing it.
Welcome wagon, guise, ur doin it wrong.
Well, with the unwelcome wagon chilling at the mailbox for an hour or so before leaving (without ever having approached the door, mind you), Lars decided to seek out the fine, fine ladies at the local park. Maybe meet a hot hippie tree hugger. They're dynamite in the sack, I hear. Giggity giggity.
Lars: Would you stop that? I'm not a slut, I'm a Romance sim. I want the thrill of romance! The feeling of falling hard for someone...
Or, in this case, just falling hard.
Lars: Shut up. My body is improving with every second I do this. I'm pretty sure I felt my deltoids ripple.
Ritualia: *falls before she even gets onto the rink*
Scott: This is the fashion police! You are under arrest for your crimes perpetrated against good clothes sense! We've been after you for years!
After discovering that his "improving his body skill" wasn't attracting the love of his life, Lars takes it inside, and finds someone willing to talk to him.
Lars: So, I took a train here with the hopes of finding someone who will love and cherish me, marry me, bear my children, support me, and let me sleep with at least 19 other women.
Kat: ...
Lars: What? What's with that look? Did I say something? Hey, hey, look, if it's the marriage thing you're worried about...that part's optional. I'm the kind of guy who's willing to compromise.
Lars: TAXI! COME QUICKLY! SOME CHICK AT THE PARK JUST FLIPPED OUT FOR NO REASON! SHE KEEPS GOING FOR MY NO-NO PLACE WITH HER FEET!
FERN DARWIN. LEAVE CAT BRILLIANT ALONE. SHE IS MARRIED.
John Mahnlee and Felyshilla: Sweet, lesbian adultery! This is better than television!
Fern: OMG HAIL! I'll be safe under here!
Cat: This is worryingly familiar.
After barely escaping with his manhood in tact, Lars makes it to another community lot.
Lars: Stupid town. Filthy cab drivers, crazy scene women...I feel contaminated.
Lars: What is wrong with me? No one's thrown themselves at me yet.
Lars: Is there something in my teeth?
Sudden insecurities aside, let's meet the contenders that Lars is Gussy-Upping for.*
*It is worth mentioning that he rolled straight. For which I am grateful, because I have a serious shortage of dudes in my game.
So I said, what about Breakfast at Arcadia's? She said I think I remember the film, and as I recall, I think we both kind of liked it.
Sorry, Delcie. I can't think of a song for you.
Cimorene: My ideal man? Oh, I'm not too picky. Anyone who wasn't an Uglacy dropout, really! Teehee!
Lars: Nice to meet you...Delcie.
Delcie: HAI! IKKIMASU-YO! KEKEKEKEKE~~
Lars: ...
Lars: Whatever you just said...was so hot.
Delcie: *giggle* Arigatou, Rarusu-sama!
I didn't actually get him introduced to Clementine Drop, but she was worth putting in the update anyway.
Lars: OMG GERMS. TALKING TO GIRLS GAVE ME COOTIES.
Dude. I think you have a problem.
OMG. PERSIMMON. THAT IS NOT AMELIA. THAT IS ARCADIA. I realise they are spelled similarly but THAT IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME?
After scoping the room and finding Ritualia Dork to be the fairest in the land, I checked Lars' relationships, and he had two bolts with Cimorene, and none with anyone else. So this seemed the logical progression.
Until PERSIMMON STEPPED IN. brilliantcat, did YOU teach him this?
Persimmon: *whispers sweet nothings about Uni*
Scott: *plays pool jauntily*
This pictures: *HAS SO MUCH GOING ON*
Lars: HOW DARE YOU FLIRT WITH THIS GIRL I JUST MET?! DON'T YOU KNOW WE'RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER?
Cimorene: *aflutter*
Persimmon: Dude, chill, it was just a fling.
Lars: Well fling THIS, you hooligan! The lady Cimorene is mine, and I shall duel anyone who disagrees!
Lars: Only, uh, duel later because I have to go now BYE.
I think this shot speaks for itself.
While trying to remember the website notstarring.com, I attempted to search "who could have been what role"...and this particular set of suggestions appeared. TWILIGHT AND THE WAR OF 1812 ARE LIKE TOTES THE SAME, GUYS.
Lars: Hey...you seemed pretty easy out at the diner. Wanna come over for some wooing and hooing?
Back at home, I attempted to have Lars invite Cimorene to a lot I wanted to playtest...but I waited too long on the selection screen, and she came over to the house, instead. Butts.
Also, apparently she didn't bother doing her hair before leaving the house, this time. wtf.
I believe this is a sign the date is going well.
Until he rolled this want. Well, time for the sense of humour test...
Lars: I think you're hot. Let's shake on it!
I was going to make this the teaser, but I felt it would have been too off topic.
Lars: HAHAHA I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THAT!
Cimorene: I...can't see anything! Is this real life? YOU HAVE FOUR EYES.
I guess Cimorene isn't very playful. Sorry, babe.
But, uh, I guess that didn't deter her, much. This was moments after I stopped directing him to dately activities.
I think the wooing is supposed to come BEFORE the hooing. Just sayin'.
Lars: Oh, hold on, I have to take this, it's important. Hello, total stranger?
Deacon Cullen: Hey also total stranger! I found out recently that there's a world outside my house! Want to explore it?
Lars: Um. I'm kind of busy at the moment.
...Since when did I have Deacon in my hood?
Getting back to the date, we're going to one-up bondchick_nett and simsforaranya by replacing Date or Incinerate with Date AND Incinerate! Thanks for playing, Cimorene!
I guess the date was so hot that it really lit a fire under Cimorene and her new flame. Or something.
Lars: Want to move in and honour me as your boyfriend and remain faithful to me while I achieve my life's dream of boinking 20 people?
Cimorene: Wait, WHAT? NO!
Lars: That's okay, we can just do THIS INSTEAD. *MONVGJELRSFGJREL*
Meanwhile, outside, wtf is this? I guess he REALLY rubbed Kat the wrong way.
Lars: I don't want to ask her to move in again! She said no last time, and I got the red minuses! Those feel funny!
DO IT.
Lars: Okay, I'll tell you what. I won't even tell you about my other flings. And we can get married. And have babies.
Cimorene: Okay!
Cimorene: This is so hot!
Lars: YOU HAVE $12,000?!
Every. Hair. Looks awesome on her. Picking one was INSANELY HARD.
Cimorene: Look, I got a makeover!
Lars: NOT NOW. LOOKING AT NEW PET SOCIETY ITEMS.
If this scene looks familiar to you, it's because it is - I don't much like houses that I don't make and decorate myself, and it so happened that I had a me-designed house that was mostly unused (so maybe I kicked out Dervish and Cat a little. So what?). So, new house it is!
Seconds later, Cimorene changes into this lovely ensemble. Turns out she's a celebrity chef! Hawt!
With Cimorene out of the way, Lars consults his little black book to -
Lars. What are you doing?
Lars: I'm painting something for Cimorene.
But. Shouldn't you be banging some other chick or dude?
Lars: Well. I guess I just don't want to right now. It's not that I can't. I just...I'll do it later.
Well. Okay? Whatever floats your boat.
When Cimorene got home, she was so pleased by the heart bubble above his head and his lack of cheating on her, that a massive bathroom hug in order.
Cimorene: Thanks for being faithful so far!
Don't get your hopes up. It's only been a day.
Perhaps luckily for Lars, and unluckily for me, he seems to be shooting blanks thus far.
And God help me, I almost wrote blankets. POW POW.
Post coitus, Cimorene gets all domestic and makes some pork chops for herself and Lars.
Cimorene: So, I noticed you started a painting.
Lars: Yeah...once it's a bit more finished, I'll let you know what it's a painting of!
Cimorene: I BET IT'S ME, HUH. YOU'RE PAINTING A PICTURE OF ME BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME.
Lars: ...
Lars: You know what? You're GAY.
And thus ends the beginning of the end. Or the end of the beginning of the middle. Or the middle of the end of the beginning.
Thus ends 4.0.