Right about now
...so I seem to be heading into what looks like a bit of an existential crisis, which according to wikipedia is pretty much right on time as I head into defining what the hell I want to study, to be an "expert" so to speak, and then plotting down a course towards that lofty goal, whatever that may be.
However certain issues seem to be holding me back, such as: coming to terms with the negative (and positive?) effects of assimilationist tactics chosen/pressed upon my family and their identity; fear of choosing the wrong topic; issues stemming from the increased realization of the constant battle between academic isolation and my need to feel connected to the world around me; blah blah blah... heavy stuff.
Other than that, things have been pretty good. I've finished up my first year of doctoral study, just got back from an all-expense paid trip to CO where they taught us the ins and outs of becoming a faculty member, and I recently got word that I have been selected to receive a fellowship that pretty much sets me up for the rest of my time here. An extra 10K stipend, free tuition, free travel to conferences, additional training within research methods...pretty much everything I could have hoped for. Only when I heard informally, I was told not to say anything until I got the official letter which is smart but still really disorientating as you'd want to celebrate.
Really all I could ever want, but without the road map to figure out how to get there. After two years, it is becoming painfully apparent that I am losing the ability to have a normal conversation with someone. My brain just gets so wrapped up in this stuff, important stuff but just stuff nonetheless, that I have an exceedingly hard time to pull myself out of it. Poor me, I get to think about stuff for a living. I get it but still doesnt make it any easier. Although I guess, like the good little academic that I am, that I will just do what I always do, get back to the books and ideas I love and remind myself of all of the reasons why I started on this path in the first place.
I can think of about 53 of them...
However certain issues seem to be holding me back, such as: coming to terms with the negative (and positive?) effects of assimilationist tactics chosen/pressed upon my family and their identity; fear of choosing the wrong topic; issues stemming from the increased realization of the constant battle between academic isolation and my need to feel connected to the world around me; blah blah blah... heavy stuff.
Other than that, things have been pretty good. I've finished up my first year of doctoral study, just got back from an all-expense paid trip to CO where they taught us the ins and outs of becoming a faculty member, and I recently got word that I have been selected to receive a fellowship that pretty much sets me up for the rest of my time here. An extra 10K stipend, free tuition, free travel to conferences, additional training within research methods...pretty much everything I could have hoped for. Only when I heard informally, I was told not to say anything until I got the official letter which is smart but still really disorientating as you'd want to celebrate.
Really all I could ever want, but without the road map to figure out how to get there. After two years, it is becoming painfully apparent that I am losing the ability to have a normal conversation with someone. My brain just gets so wrapped up in this stuff, important stuff but just stuff nonetheless, that I have an exceedingly hard time to pull myself out of it. Poor me, I get to think about stuff for a living. I get it but still doesnt make it any easier. Although I guess, like the good little academic that I am, that I will just do what I always do, get back to the books and ideas I love and remind myself of all of the reasons why I started on this path in the first place.
I can think of about 53 of them...