The (Many Myriad) Problems With Elementary
So the Elementary pilot was up on Vimeo for a bit but now it's been taken down so I don't have a link to provide. Maybe you can find it somewhere else. Anyway, obvious spoilers.
Elementary had so many problems. There were parts that were good, but there were parts that made me gag. There were parts that lived up to every cliche bad Sherlock Holmes adaptation, and there were parts that just plain didn't make sense. For instance, the actual mystery? Was utter crap. It was an abomination of the genre with loose ends all over the place.
[The ]
So there's this woman who's murdered in her apartment and hidden in a secret safe room. It's secret, and it's not the kind of thing the murderer could just stumble across. First suspect, her husband, claims to not know that it existed. Okay, questionable. But then it turns out that he didn't kill her, it was the guy who delivered flowers once a week. Question: how the fuck did he know about the safe room? Another question: why did the woman even have it put in? There was squat in it except her body and a small table with a vase on it. It wasn't a tiny thing that you might hide jewelry in, it was the size of a small bathroom. What possible purpose does that serve?
Another thing: the clue that revealed that she knew her attacker was that there were two broken glasses. Why would she suddenly decide to invite the flower delivery guy in for a drink? Not buying it. And finally, the case of the missing cell phone. It had been sitting in that bag of rice for three days before the husband killed the delivery guy. A simple Google search reveals that using rice to dry out electronics takes at least 12 hours, sometimes up to 3 days. Here's the thing: the guy was constantly using his phone. He'd be regularly checking that bag of rice to see if his phone worked again yet. You can see how belief is stretched.
And then there's the part where the doctor husband used the delivery guy's mental disorders to manipulate him into killing his wife, which, wow. I don't know what to say about that. It's a little bit disgusting and insulting and... words are failing me right now but yeah. Deeply disappointing. Arkham Asylum-levels of "People with mental disorders are all psychotic killers!"
[Making police stupid so Sherlock looks clever]
And then there's the stupid police. In particular, the guy who tried waaaay too hard to be Donovan+Anderson. How did that guy even get a badge? Graduate high school? The thing about Donovan, Anderson, and the rest is that they're good police, they're just not as clever as Sherlock Holmes. So many things Sherlock noticed, any half-competent officer should have noticed for themselves. The blood in the bootprint is basic forensics, the number of glass shards only the tiniest bit more advanced. The picture frames, while not blatantly clues, were also really obvious.
[Sherlock and Joan's relationship isn't abou sex-OH LOOK SEX!]
In regards to the prostitute: I was disappointed how it was initially written off as "Sex is disgusting, but it helps my body". That's not how asexuality works. At all. And then at the end, when Joan does her own little deduction that Sherlock's addiction problem was because of a woman and he was lying about not being interested: Fuck. You. Sherlock Holmes is my one example of asexuality in fiction. You do NOT get to take that away from me. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. Asexuality is a thing. It is very much a thing. And if I EVER meet the guy (because it was definitely a guy) who came up with that plot point I'm going to break his nose and make him cry.
And finally, Daddy Bill Holmes? Really? That's the absolute best name you could come up with?
To paraphrase Castle, the writer was no Ellery Queen. He wasn't even an Ellery Queen ghostwriter (and that's really bad).
Elementary had so many problems. There were parts that were good, but there were parts that made me gag. There were parts that lived up to every cliche bad Sherlock Holmes adaptation, and there were parts that just plain didn't make sense. For instance, the actual mystery? Was utter crap. It was an abomination of the genre with loose ends all over the place.
[The ]
So there's this woman who's murdered in her apartment and hidden in a secret safe room. It's secret, and it's not the kind of thing the murderer could just stumble across. First suspect, her husband, claims to not know that it existed. Okay, questionable. But then it turns out that he didn't kill her, it was the guy who delivered flowers once a week. Question: how the fuck did he know about the safe room? Another question: why did the woman even have it put in? There was squat in it except her body and a small table with a vase on it. It wasn't a tiny thing that you might hide jewelry in, it was the size of a small bathroom. What possible purpose does that serve?
Another thing: the clue that revealed that she knew her attacker was that there were two broken glasses. Why would she suddenly decide to invite the flower delivery guy in for a drink? Not buying it. And finally, the case of the missing cell phone. It had been sitting in that bag of rice for three days before the husband killed the delivery guy. A simple Google search reveals that using rice to dry out electronics takes at least 12 hours, sometimes up to 3 days. Here's the thing: the guy was constantly using his phone. He'd be regularly checking that bag of rice to see if his phone worked again yet. You can see how belief is stretched.
And then there's the part where the doctor husband used the delivery guy's mental disorders to manipulate him into killing his wife, which, wow. I don't know what to say about that. It's a little bit disgusting and insulting and... words are failing me right now but yeah. Deeply disappointing. Arkham Asylum-levels of "People with mental disorders are all psychotic killers!"
[Making police stupid so Sherlock looks clever]
And then there's the stupid police. In particular, the guy who tried waaaay too hard to be Donovan+Anderson. How did that guy even get a badge? Graduate high school? The thing about Donovan, Anderson, and the rest is that they're good police, they're just not as clever as Sherlock Holmes. So many things Sherlock noticed, any half-competent officer should have noticed for themselves. The blood in the bootprint is basic forensics, the number of glass shards only the tiniest bit more advanced. The picture frames, while not blatantly clues, were also really obvious.
[Sherlock and Joan's relationship isn't abou sex-OH LOOK SEX!]
In regards to the prostitute: I was disappointed how it was initially written off as "Sex is disgusting, but it helps my body". That's not how asexuality works. At all. And then at the end, when Joan does her own little deduction that Sherlock's addiction problem was because of a woman and he was lying about not being interested: Fuck. You. Sherlock Holmes is my one example of asexuality in fiction. You do NOT get to take that away from me. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. Asexuality is a thing. It is very much a thing. And if I EVER meet the guy (because it was definitely a guy) who came up with that plot point I'm going to break his nose and make him cry.
And finally, Daddy Bill Holmes? Really? That's the absolute best name you could come up with?
To paraphrase Castle, the writer was no Ellery Queen. He wasn't even an Ellery Queen ghostwriter (and that's really bad).