Death By Racquetball (uncensored)
Do you want the short end of it? I'm a pansy @$$ B!+C# who can't speak in public worth a crap. Want the long story? Here it is.
Remember when I was rambling on yesterday about being bored? Remember how I said that I want something so great to happen to me that it blows my mind? Didn't I specifically say that I didn't want it to be a BAD day? Well, guess what! I am coming so close to just killing anything and everything that I see that it isn't funny. Seriously, I really just want to kill things right now just to relieve all of the build-up emotion.
I went to the post office and it turns out that they did, in fact, screw me over. When I asked them why I wasn't told about this book sooner, they said that they placed three notices in my mailbox. Like Hell you did you fucking bitches! I know that I wear contacts but I'm not fucking blind! So guess who has to pay for shipping and handling to send the book back to the lady and guess who also looses $15 that it costs to get the book. Yep, I do. Not a good way to start off the day right?
Well, things did look a little better when I found out that I made a 96 on a mid-term. Well, I went to gym class and the woman tells this guy that she is going to count off points on his grade since he is doing weight training instead of cardio-vascular training. Then she tells me that my karate is only 1/2 cardio-vascular. WTF! Lets put on some sparring gloves and I'll give her "intermitten exercise". Then, I go to government and it turns out that in the middle of class I ask a question about something that he claims to have mentioned near the beginning of class. He says outloud "It's ok, I don't mind you looking stupid in front of the entire class now, just don't look stupid on your exam". It was an announcement to the class brought on by me.
Now, you think that things would have looked a little up right? Well, when I checked my e-mail at work, I found out that some retard in my first class told the professor that there was no reading brief assigned for this Friday, so he edited it and now there is. I found out from an e-mail he sent mentioning the girls name. Right now, if I saw that girl, I would rip her apart (*regardless of the fat...I mean fact that she's 5 of me put together*). I'm mean right now, but I have the right to be. Remember that project that my boss wanted me to "tidy up" it turns out that it was filled out so poorly that there was no way of tidying it up except to sort it. I tried making portals, but it would not work on it. There were a lot of records that were just blank and some of them only had a title in it while others only had an invoice number. Do you have any idea how hard it is to sort something like that?
Well, by then I was very angry and very shakey. My voice started crapping out on me due to the cold weather. Did I mention that my professor said to my debate partner and I that the two girls would go easy on us because of the fact that we never debated before? Well, one nigger bitch decided not to and she proved to me why I didn't "have a solution to the hate group problem". Frankly, if I saw a KKK member right now, I would pretend the kiss the ground that they walk on and beg them to hang some burning crosses on some nigger bitches doors.
I won't get into everything they said, but by then I came so close to killing myself or someone else that it wasn't funny. Heck, I was already slicing my throat and arm with my fingernail during government. I tried telling my friends what was going on, but I was interrupted at least three times by it! Then, we went and played racquetball. They told me to take my anger out on the ball. Instead, when I hit the ball, the ball seemed to have aimed toward them numerous times. It wasn not subconscious either.
I felt ok for a few mintues after I was done playing, but then all of the grief started to build up again. My dad would always tell me to hit the punching bag or exercise if I were angry. It worked for him, so why shouldn't it work for me? Well, guess what, it doesn't work. Physical activity distracts me for a while, but the torture always comes back. The closest thing to releasing my anger is writing poetry, singing (which I hit myself accidentally with the power cord of my computer while I was singing), and writing in this journal.
You know, I don't know what in the Hell I am suppose to do now. I suck at Communications. I suck at Theater. I just suck entirely. I am just worthless. I'll be lucky to get hired at Denny's. What in the Hell is suppose to be my future?! What in the Hell am I suppose to do?! I don't think God is listening and I just wish that I could get an answer. Hell, just tell me what I'm suppose to do so that way I can at least prepare for how bad my future is going to be. With my luck, I have some sort of disease that will kill me before I even pass this semester. All of that time and stress in school wasted. I need to find out what I need to do to get where I need to be. Is it too much to ask for what my purpose is? I'm not going to kill myself because I'm afraid of death, but I want to know what my future is suppose to be. Or at least the ability to write some more poetry. I just can't write poetry right now for some reason.
I don't know where I'm going in life or why I am heading down this path. I don't want to go outside for the rest of the day. There is too much bad luck inside and outside. Too many bad things going on. I think they timed it with my hormones (TMI? Tough $#!+)! I want to hide in my daydreams. Listen to some Sting and hide in my daydreams.
Remember when I was rambling on yesterday about being bored? Remember how I said that I want something so great to happen to me that it blows my mind? Didn't I specifically say that I didn't want it to be a BAD day? Well, guess what! I am coming so close to just killing anything and everything that I see that it isn't funny. Seriously, I really just want to kill things right now just to relieve all of the build-up emotion.
I went to the post office and it turns out that they did, in fact, screw me over. When I asked them why I wasn't told about this book sooner, they said that they placed three notices in my mailbox. Like Hell you did you fucking bitches! I know that I wear contacts but I'm not fucking blind! So guess who has to pay for shipping and handling to send the book back to the lady and guess who also looses $15 that it costs to get the book. Yep, I do. Not a good way to start off the day right?
Well, things did look a little better when I found out that I made a 96 on a mid-term. Well, I went to gym class and the woman tells this guy that she is going to count off points on his grade since he is doing weight training instead of cardio-vascular training. Then she tells me that my karate is only 1/2 cardio-vascular. WTF! Lets put on some sparring gloves and I'll give her "intermitten exercise". Then, I go to government and it turns out that in the middle of class I ask a question about something that he claims to have mentioned near the beginning of class. He says outloud "It's ok, I don't mind you looking stupid in front of the entire class now, just don't look stupid on your exam". It was an announcement to the class brought on by me.
Now, you think that things would have looked a little up right? Well, when I checked my e-mail at work, I found out that some retard in my first class told the professor that there was no reading brief assigned for this Friday, so he edited it and now there is. I found out from an e-mail he sent mentioning the girls name. Right now, if I saw that girl, I would rip her apart (*regardless of the fat...I mean fact that she's 5 of me put together*). I'm mean right now, but I have the right to be. Remember that project that my boss wanted me to "tidy up" it turns out that it was filled out so poorly that there was no way of tidying it up except to sort it. I tried making portals, but it would not work on it. There were a lot of records that were just blank and some of them only had a title in it while others only had an invoice number. Do you have any idea how hard it is to sort something like that?
Well, by then I was very angry and very shakey. My voice started crapping out on me due to the cold weather. Did I mention that my professor said to my debate partner and I that the two girls would go easy on us because of the fact that we never debated before? Well, one nigger bitch decided not to and she proved to me why I didn't "have a solution to the hate group problem". Frankly, if I saw a KKK member right now, I would pretend the kiss the ground that they walk on and beg them to hang some burning crosses on some nigger bitches doors.
I won't get into everything they said, but by then I came so close to killing myself or someone else that it wasn't funny. Heck, I was already slicing my throat and arm with my fingernail during government. I tried telling my friends what was going on, but I was interrupted at least three times by it! Then, we went and played racquetball. They told me to take my anger out on the ball. Instead, when I hit the ball, the ball seemed to have aimed toward them numerous times. It wasn not subconscious either.
I felt ok for a few mintues after I was done playing, but then all of the grief started to build up again. My dad would always tell me to hit the punching bag or exercise if I were angry. It worked for him, so why shouldn't it work for me? Well, guess what, it doesn't work. Physical activity distracts me for a while, but the torture always comes back. The closest thing to releasing my anger is writing poetry, singing (which I hit myself accidentally with the power cord of my computer while I was singing), and writing in this journal.
You know, I don't know what in the Hell I am suppose to do now. I suck at Communications. I suck at Theater. I just suck entirely. I am just worthless. I'll be lucky to get hired at Denny's. What in the Hell is suppose to be my future?! What in the Hell am I suppose to do?! I don't think God is listening and I just wish that I could get an answer. Hell, just tell me what I'm suppose to do so that way I can at least prepare for how bad my future is going to be. With my luck, I have some sort of disease that will kill me before I even pass this semester. All of that time and stress in school wasted. I need to find out what I need to do to get where I need to be. Is it too much to ask for what my purpose is? I'm not going to kill myself because I'm afraid of death, but I want to know what my future is suppose to be. Or at least the ability to write some more poetry. I just can't write poetry right now for some reason.
I don't know where I'm going in life or why I am heading down this path. I don't want to go outside for the rest of the day. There is too much bad luck inside and outside. Too many bad things going on. I think they timed it with my hormones (TMI? Tough $#!+)! I want to hide in my daydreams. Listen to some Sting and hide in my daydreams.