Busy Life and Realization?
I have a million things going on at once in life. I'm going to try to learn programming if we can tell the person in charge of it that I'm interested tomorrow. I also have to have someone look over my poem tomorrow after work. It's a black poem for class, so I doubt that it is any good. I am also going to a meeting after class to talk to someone about the newspaper. I am nervous because I don't know if I can handle the newspaper, but at the same time, I am telling myself that I have to give it a chance. I looked up the style of writing that they do and I think that it sucks. It is so limiting and it adds no color to the canvas, just words that create a black and white picture. However, I do have some ideas and I hope that I can succeed without collapsing.
I got some more ISBN's for what books I need. I need to order them right away. I paid off my debt by breaking into my emergency money and took out an early loan for the spring. I hope that they will take me off the payroll deduction thing. It would be so sweet if I can pay for my own books and have money left over to save for my future. I already lost $50 of it, so I need to start building up. They also sent me something in the mail about taxes. I better not have to pay taxes for that meager amount of money since I am being paid WELL under minimum wage. I better not, or else I will try to cancel that loan and find another college to go to. How do they even expect for me to pay for taxes with that limited amount of money. They said that it was a "grant" from the college, so I shouldn't have to pay taxes.
I want to change the world. I don't know how, but I want to in a positive way. I want to fight all of the whores in society and bring purity (and clothes that actually cover) back into society. I want people to stop oppressing homosexuals (including the black who should know what they are going through). I want to save the world and fight the evils that society has dealt with. "Everybody's Fool"--Evanesence is a great song, my favorite I think.
In class, I had to walk around in a circle with 3 other people and speak in unison (sp?). It is a lot harder than it looks and we did miss up a few times. There was one line I ended up saying by myself and I stopped at the word "bast..d" (guess the other 2 letters) before I knew that no one was saying it with me. Some guy, I guess looking for an excuse, said that he loved hearing me yell at her. Maybe it is my acting? Yeah, right (*rolls eyes*), just looking for an excuse. I feel like I should act though. I have a great passion for it when I am doing it correctly. I am nervous because people are talking about how everyone is going to audition for a play I have been intersted in for months. I just want the part of the maid in the play, that is it. No leading part for this play, just the maid. I need to find the play or the novel. Agatha Christie is a famous author, though I have never read any of her material, I think that I should read it since I have heard so many good things about her.
People without daydreams don't know what they are missing. I love my daydreams and they keep me company sometimes. It helps me with my mission of not caring about having a boyfriend anymore. I can't picture myself with anyone. I would be to difficult to live with and I don't think that there is a guy out there that can break me from my addiction to my daydreams. Well...maybe one, but the chances of him and I ever meeting, falling in requitted love, and living happily ever after are very minimal. I have never been to a wedding. I have never held an infant. My daydreams are a gift and a curse. It is my salvation and my downfall. It is why I love and why I hate. It is why I can feel love (and once longed for it) and yet can't stand to be with anyone for I would want to live in my daydreams so much that I would snap at people who try to even come close to me.
I don't think God has placed anyone on Earth for me to marry. I think that I enjoy solitude too much. Granted, I love to hang out with friends, but I can't imagine wanting to live with someone. I can't imagine a prince sweeping me off my feet and breaking me from my spell. I am too far gone, and I have no one to blame but myself. However, do you blame me? I have had very few friends off-line. I have felt love once and lost it. I haven't even dated in almost 3 years. On-line relationships and long-distance relationships are too easy to cheat on (for him and for me...sadly) and it lacks the personal touch. I am like the female Iceman. My hands are always cold and I can't really get too close to anyone. Perhaps, that is why I am always cold?
I am not sad really. It is sort of like realization in a way. Like acceptance of the sad truth. You don't cry over it, but you just realize and understand and go on. The way I see it, there are people who are couples, and people who are single. Couples are placed on Earth to continue the human race and to have singles strive to become something more. Singles are placed on Earth to remind couples that, while things seem tough, at least it is not as bad as being alone.
"Don't say I'm out of touch
With this rampant chaos-You're reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to escape
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me" "Imaginary"--Evanesence
I got my chance at love when I was 6 1/2. I lost it when I was over 15 1/2 years old. It lasted longer than most celebrity marriages. I know some of you may be saying "Why are you constantly saying this? Who are you trying to convince?". Maybe myself? However, I know I only long for the physicalness of love that I never got to feel. Well, too bad little missy, you had your chance when you were younger. You blew it and now you must deal with it. That, after years of hunting for someone that does not exist, is what I am doing.
I got some more ISBN's for what books I need. I need to order them right away. I paid off my debt by breaking into my emergency money and took out an early loan for the spring. I hope that they will take me off the payroll deduction thing. It would be so sweet if I can pay for my own books and have money left over to save for my future. I already lost $50 of it, so I need to start building up. They also sent me something in the mail about taxes. I better not have to pay taxes for that meager amount of money since I am being paid WELL under minimum wage. I better not, or else I will try to cancel that loan and find another college to go to. How do they even expect for me to pay for taxes with that limited amount of money. They said that it was a "grant" from the college, so I shouldn't have to pay taxes.
I want to change the world. I don't know how, but I want to in a positive way. I want to fight all of the whores in society and bring purity (and clothes that actually cover) back into society. I want people to stop oppressing homosexuals (including the black who should know what they are going through). I want to save the world and fight the evils that society has dealt with. "Everybody's Fool"--Evanesence is a great song, my favorite I think.
In class, I had to walk around in a circle with 3 other people and speak in unison (sp?). It is a lot harder than it looks and we did miss up a few times. There was one line I ended up saying by myself and I stopped at the word "bast..d" (guess the other 2 letters) before I knew that no one was saying it with me. Some guy, I guess looking for an excuse, said that he loved hearing me yell at her. Maybe it is my acting? Yeah, right (*rolls eyes*), just looking for an excuse. I feel like I should act though. I have a great passion for it when I am doing it correctly. I am nervous because people are talking about how everyone is going to audition for a play I have been intersted in for months. I just want the part of the maid in the play, that is it. No leading part for this play, just the maid. I need to find the play or the novel. Agatha Christie is a famous author, though I have never read any of her material, I think that I should read it since I have heard so many good things about her.
People without daydreams don't know what they are missing. I love my daydreams and they keep me company sometimes. It helps me with my mission of not caring about having a boyfriend anymore. I can't picture myself with anyone. I would be to difficult to live with and I don't think that there is a guy out there that can break me from my addiction to my daydreams. Well...maybe one, but the chances of him and I ever meeting, falling in requitted love, and living happily ever after are very minimal. I have never been to a wedding. I have never held an infant. My daydreams are a gift and a curse. It is my salvation and my downfall. It is why I love and why I hate. It is why I can feel love (and once longed for it) and yet can't stand to be with anyone for I would want to live in my daydreams so much that I would snap at people who try to even come close to me.
I don't think God has placed anyone on Earth for me to marry. I think that I enjoy solitude too much. Granted, I love to hang out with friends, but I can't imagine wanting to live with someone. I can't imagine a prince sweeping me off my feet and breaking me from my spell. I am too far gone, and I have no one to blame but myself. However, do you blame me? I have had very few friends off-line. I have felt love once and lost it. I haven't even dated in almost 3 years. On-line relationships and long-distance relationships are too easy to cheat on (for him and for me...sadly) and it lacks the personal touch. I am like the female Iceman. My hands are always cold and I can't really get too close to anyone. Perhaps, that is why I am always cold?
I am not sad really. It is sort of like realization in a way. Like acceptance of the sad truth. You don't cry over it, but you just realize and understand and go on. The way I see it, there are people who are couples, and people who are single. Couples are placed on Earth to continue the human race and to have singles strive to become something more. Singles are placed on Earth to remind couples that, while things seem tough, at least it is not as bad as being alone.
"Don't say I'm out of touch
With this rampant chaos-You're reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to escape
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me" "Imaginary"--Evanesence
I got my chance at love when I was 6 1/2. I lost it when I was over 15 1/2 years old. It lasted longer than most celebrity marriages. I know some of you may be saying "Why are you constantly saying this? Who are you trying to convince?". Maybe myself? However, I know I only long for the physicalness of love that I never got to feel. Well, too bad little missy, you had your chance when you were younger. You blew it and now you must deal with it. That, after years of hunting for someone that does not exist, is what I am doing.