[fic] Hello Hallyu~! (1/?)
Title: Hello Hallyu~!
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: SM Ent. / Johnny's Ent. Crossover <3
Genre: CRACK... humor.
Pairings: Akamepi
Summary: Johnny wants to make more money. So what does he do? He buys SM Entertainment! Stuff happens.
A/N: I don't own Johnny's. I don't own SuJu. I want to. XD Sorry for my lack of SM and general Korea knowledge. Unbetaed. This is my first SuJu fic. I know it stinks ~__~
WC: 2031 (@__@)
"WHAT?!"
Ueda looked up from his paper. "Johnny-sama is buying that big Korean management company. SM Entertainment. They do TVXQ." He turned the page, ignoring the stares from the other boys, who instantly began whispering about this strange turn of events.
"He probably got sick of the endless fucking that goes on around here," Ryo said coldly. "It does get annoying, you know, all the beds shaking and things falling off the walls, not to mention the cleanup costs."
Cleanup was something none of them liked to talk about. Johnny was a little cheap, so he usually made whatever group he disliked the most on cleaning days wash floors, do laundry, etc. No one minded too much, it wasn't as bad as living on your own and having to do all the cleaning all the time.
But after a long holiday with little work and lots of boredom-filled hours, no one would touch Kame, Jin, or Yamapi's beds with a ten foot pole. (The last person who did, somewhat airheaded Junno, came out with what he described as "sticky stuff" all over his fingers after picking up the laundry. Ueda made him take a bath in hand sanitizer after.)
"You're one to talk!" exclaimed Kame, Jin, Yamapi simultaneously. T-TN and Ryo (who just happened to be there, cause he was bored) looked at each other, all wondering who would be the first to say what they were all thinking at that moment. It was kind of obvious, but kicking Akamepi out of their self-induced reverie of raburabu usually ended in violent consequences.
Ryo opened his mouth to say something, then was cut off as Ueda said, quite dryly, "Oh, look, guys. There's going to be a three-headed poodle on TV in a couple minutes. Let's watch." Everyone just stared as he, completely oblivious to the eleven eyes staring at him, reached for the remote and turned on the TV.
"Well..." Junno mumbled, fully aware of the beating he was about to take for this seemingly innocent comment. "Don't mind~! It's just the Korean Wave~"
He then began doing the wave, completely by himself, smiling and laughing as if he were at a sporting event or concert.
All the boys, excluding Ueda, who was engrossed in a daytime drama about a housewife and her ten children, exploded in various ways, most of which can be summed up with: "SHUT THE FUCK UP, TAGUCHI!"
Ueda just raised an eyebrow, but it was because the episode ended with three of the ten children on the show turning out to be aliens. He found that a bit odd, considering the housewife's husband looked a bit like Takki-sempai. Even if that would explain a lot about Takki and Tsubasa, and their ridiculous song about Venus.
By this time, Junno had retreated, looking hurt, Maru was comforting him, Akamepi were making out, and the others were milling around, arguing about who was the definitive "Sexy Osaka Man".
The station switched to the news, and Ueda waited for the poodle special to come on. He kind of liked poodles. A fan had once remarked that his hair reminded her of a poodle, and so now they had special significance. Except he didn't really like dogs, for reasons not explainable here.
The newscaster started speaking, and to Ueda's dismay, it was not about poodles. "Tonight," she said, smiling in the irritating lady-newscaster way, "we have some special news for the economy and for the entertainment industry. Johnny's Entertainment has just announced that they have bought SM Entertainment-"
"EHHHH?!" said all the previously uninterested boys, who rushed behind Ueda to watch.
"managers of groups like TVXQ, Super Junior, and the TRAX," the woman continued as some pictures of the groups flashed up behind her. All the boys leaned in to look at the picture of Super Junior, as they had already seen TVXQ.
In fact, Koki regularly went out with spray paint to paint over TVXQ posters, especially ones next to KAT-TUN ones. He often dragged other KAT-TUN members with him to carry the paints. (Koki didn't think it was "gangsta" enough to carry just one or two colors.) Therefore, most of them - at least KAT-TUN - had seen plenty of TVXQ.
All the Johnny's boys were looking at the picture with an odd look on their face, including, amazingly, Ueda.
"Holy shit," Jin said quietly. "There are thirteen of them."
Kame gave Jin a hug. "You can count~! Yay!" Yamapi, not wanting to get left out, hugged Jin too, and they ended up all falling over and starting another Akamepi makeout-fest. Everyone ignored them.
"Thirteen..." Ryo muttered in shock. "I bet they think they can take over my Sexy Osaka Man title with numbers..."
No one was listening to him, and were watching the music video that had just come on screen.
Koki looked on in horror. "Why didn't we think of 'free hugs' as a promotion campaign?!"
Ueda looked up at him, dry as he has been for this entire fic. "The last time you tried to hug anyone, Koki, you got mobbed and security had to keep twenty middle school girls from beating each other up over the chance to get within three feet of you. Johnny has since established a 'hands-off' policy with the fans. I can't believe you didn't remember that."
"But I like hugs!" Junno whined, hugging Ueda, who smiled a little and patted him on the head.
"We should get a new name," Kame said, untangling himself from Jin and Yamapi. "I mean, they even have English words in their name... Ours is just written in English."
Everyone turned to look at Jin, who after coming back from America, was the "native" English expert. He didn't seem to gain any intelligence while he was there, but it's an improvement over their former "expert", Koki, who's vocabulary was limited to "Joker", "rapper", and "stand up" and some other various asundry words that didn't even make sense to him.
"It doesn't even mean anything, you know," Jin said, offhandedly. "I asked a girl there, and she said it sounded a bit like 'cartoon', but we already knew that, right?"
The room fell silent, and KT-TN fell into shock.
"Wow," Maru said. "I... I always thought it meant something..."
Junno raised his hand. "Me too! Johnny said it meant something..."
Koki began, "I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS SPECIAL TO BE IN A GROUP WITH AN ENGLISH NAME-"
"I *sniff* always *sniff* thought it was special *sniff* that my name was the first letter of *sniff* an honest-to-goodness *sniff* English word..." interrupted Kame, who was slowly, but surely, dissolving into tears. Jin hugged him, and of course, Yamapi jumped on top of him. The rest turned back to the TV, as they were a bit sick of the whole Akamepi thing.
Unfortunately for them, the poodle special had come on, leaving them somewhat dumbfounded. On the other hand, Ueda was enthralled by the story of a Brazilian scientist who had tried to crossbreed a poodle and a lizard, and had ended up with what looked a bit like a fluffy auburn alligator.
Fluffy auburn alligators seemed a bit unimportant, next to the thought of being taken over by the 13-member Korean monster of a group to the rest. (For the time they were ignoring the existence of the TRAX, TVXQ, BoA, Kangta, etc., as the TRAX was an entirely different genre, TVXQ was too small to pose a threat, BoA was a girl, and none of them had even heard of Kangta.) Ueda looked up, amazed to hear a break in the normal dull roar of noise.
"If you guys are this worried," he said, "think of reasons why you're better than these Super Korean People. That should make you feel better."
Ever the pessimist, Yamapi added, "And if we don't think of anything, we're all losers and we should work in construction."
The silence continued, only to be broken several milliseconds later by a wail.
"I'm too sexy to be in construction!" Ryo moaned, putting his head with it's newly dyed hair in his hands. He was, of course, conveniently forgetting that Yamapi himself had been in a drama once where his character had worked in construction. Though, this is understandable, as Ryo did not watch any dramas but his own.
Ueda patted him on the head as well, but harder and with a lot less warmth than he had patted Junno. This only caused Ryo to wail a little more, and consequently Ueda patted harder until he was Ryo screaming and Ueda bashing him over the head.
All this time, Ueda was still staring at the poodle special with a blank look on his face. He did not seem to notice that the others were staring at him. He was engrossed in a story about a poodle who had a paralyzed tail. The poodle reminded him a bit of Kame. The vet reminded him a bit of Maeda Ken.
Ueda was not in the least interested in the tribulations that were occurring behind him.
A phone rang, and everyone scrambled to look for their cells. Kame unearthed his beneath the couch, Yamapi pulled his out of his pocket, Koki poked through all of his pockets before realizing that it was in his room, Junno ran around in circles looking for his and upon finding it, continued running around for fun. Jin just shoved his hands in his pockets and pretended he hadn't heard, while Ryo attempted to pull his off of the fan with a meter stick that had been sitting around from costume fittings. (Shige had thrown it up there a week ago and forgotten that none of them were actually tall enough to get it down.)
By this time, Maru was already speaking to someone on his phone, which had been conveniently plugged into a wall charger. He hung up, sighing. Announcing this to the neurotic crowd would not be fun. However, Maru was not one for fun. He beatboxed, was always shoved to the back or side of photoshoots, and still didn't have his own single. It was hard being Maru.
Maru didn't really care how hard it was, just that it was hard announcing to a group that had been spazzing out over a band they had never met for the last half an hour that they were to meet said band as soon as Johnny could dump them on a bus and find the required number of bodyguards. (Two for each member was the norm, but Johnny was dropping it down to 1/2 per person as he thought twenty-six bodyguards would make them look like they were yakuza. Never mind the fact that Johnny was basically a bishounen yakuza.) He weighed the options, and realized that the best way would just be to...
"Hey, guys? You know, Johnny's sending over Super Junior in a couple minutes," he said calmly but loudly. "They've had a bit of a holdup."
"EHHH?!?"
"You guys better get ready, right?" said Ueda, who had gotten up, as the poodle show had ended without the promised three-headed dog. He was fairly disappointed and walked off to find something sugary to drink.
The room burst into a flurry of activity. Kame and Ryo pulled combs out of their pockets and ran to find a mirror in which to fix their hair. Yamapi attempted to remember some Korean words. Jin muttered to himself in English. Koki practiced his break dancing, and proceeded to knock over a lamp, bash into a chair, and hit Kame in the heel. Junno just bounced and sing-songingly repeated "iriguchi-deguchi-taguchi-desu!" over and over for no reason.
Maru started playing Tetris on his phone to kill time, humming as he pushed buttons.
This went on for about ten minutes with various degrees of activity (more when Koki almost knocked over the TV, less when he got up and attempted to reattach the power cord to the DVD player) and concluded when Ueda came back with his drink (which was, sadly, only water, not something sugary) and announced, "You know, guys, I saw them out my window. They're here."
Then there was a knock on the door, and all hell broke loose as eight boys ran to the door screaming, "I'LL GET IT!"
Super Junior's first impression of the Johnnys was of a mass of twenty-something-year-olds all falling on top of each other as they opened the door.
Their first impression was of Super Junior's taste in shoes.
This fic may be continued depending on my mood~
x-posted to various other comms
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: SM Ent. / Johnny's Ent. Crossover <3
Genre: CRACK... humor.
Pairings: Akamepi
Summary: Johnny wants to make more money. So what does he do? He buys SM Entertainment! Stuff happens.
A/N: I don't own Johnny's. I don't own SuJu. I want to. XD Sorry for my lack of SM and general Korea knowledge. Unbetaed. This is my first SuJu fic. I know it stinks ~__~
WC: 2031 (@__@)
"WHAT?!"
Ueda looked up from his paper. "Johnny-sama is buying that big Korean management company. SM Entertainment. They do TVXQ." He turned the page, ignoring the stares from the other boys, who instantly began whispering about this strange turn of events.
"He probably got sick of the endless fucking that goes on around here," Ryo said coldly. "It does get annoying, you know, all the beds shaking and things falling off the walls, not to mention the cleanup costs."
Cleanup was something none of them liked to talk about. Johnny was a little cheap, so he usually made whatever group he disliked the most on cleaning days wash floors, do laundry, etc. No one minded too much, it wasn't as bad as living on your own and having to do all the cleaning all the time.
But after a long holiday with little work and lots of boredom-filled hours, no one would touch Kame, Jin, or Yamapi's beds with a ten foot pole. (The last person who did, somewhat airheaded Junno, came out with what he described as "sticky stuff" all over his fingers after picking up the laundry. Ueda made him take a bath in hand sanitizer after.)
"You're one to talk!" exclaimed Kame, Jin, Yamapi simultaneously. T-TN and Ryo (who just happened to be there, cause he was bored) looked at each other, all wondering who would be the first to say what they were all thinking at that moment. It was kind of obvious, but kicking Akamepi out of their self-induced reverie of raburabu usually ended in violent consequences.
Ryo opened his mouth to say something, then was cut off as Ueda said, quite dryly, "Oh, look, guys. There's going to be a three-headed poodle on TV in a couple minutes. Let's watch." Everyone just stared as he, completely oblivious to the eleven eyes staring at him, reached for the remote and turned on the TV.
"Well..." Junno mumbled, fully aware of the beating he was about to take for this seemingly innocent comment. "Don't mind~! It's just the Korean Wave~"
He then began doing the wave, completely by himself, smiling and laughing as if he were at a sporting event or concert.
All the boys, excluding Ueda, who was engrossed in a daytime drama about a housewife and her ten children, exploded in various ways, most of which can be summed up with: "SHUT THE FUCK UP, TAGUCHI!"
Ueda just raised an eyebrow, but it was because the episode ended with three of the ten children on the show turning out to be aliens. He found that a bit odd, considering the housewife's husband looked a bit like Takki-sempai. Even if that would explain a lot about Takki and Tsubasa, and their ridiculous song about Venus.
By this time, Junno had retreated, looking hurt, Maru was comforting him, Akamepi were making out, and the others were milling around, arguing about who was the definitive "Sexy Osaka Man".
The station switched to the news, and Ueda waited for the poodle special to come on. He kind of liked poodles. A fan had once remarked that his hair reminded her of a poodle, and so now they had special significance. Except he didn't really like dogs, for reasons not explainable here.
The newscaster started speaking, and to Ueda's dismay, it was not about poodles. "Tonight," she said, smiling in the irritating lady-newscaster way, "we have some special news for the economy and for the entertainment industry. Johnny's Entertainment has just announced that they have bought SM Entertainment-"
"EHHHH?!" said all the previously uninterested boys, who rushed behind Ueda to watch.
"managers of groups like TVXQ, Super Junior, and the TRAX," the woman continued as some pictures of the groups flashed up behind her. All the boys leaned in to look at the picture of Super Junior, as they had already seen TVXQ.
In fact, Koki regularly went out with spray paint to paint over TVXQ posters, especially ones next to KAT-TUN ones. He often dragged other KAT-TUN members with him to carry the paints. (Koki didn't think it was "gangsta" enough to carry just one or two colors.) Therefore, most of them - at least KAT-TUN - had seen plenty of TVXQ.
All the Johnny's boys were looking at the picture with an odd look on their face, including, amazingly, Ueda.
"Holy shit," Jin said quietly. "There are thirteen of them."
Kame gave Jin a hug. "You can count~! Yay!" Yamapi, not wanting to get left out, hugged Jin too, and they ended up all falling over and starting another Akamepi makeout-fest. Everyone ignored them.
"Thirteen..." Ryo muttered in shock. "I bet they think they can take over my Sexy Osaka Man title with numbers..."
No one was listening to him, and were watching the music video that had just come on screen.
Koki looked on in horror. "Why didn't we think of 'free hugs' as a promotion campaign?!"
Ueda looked up at him, dry as he has been for this entire fic. "The last time you tried to hug anyone, Koki, you got mobbed and security had to keep twenty middle school girls from beating each other up over the chance to get within three feet of you. Johnny has since established a 'hands-off' policy with the fans. I can't believe you didn't remember that."
"But I like hugs!" Junno whined, hugging Ueda, who smiled a little and patted him on the head.
"We should get a new name," Kame said, untangling himself from Jin and Yamapi. "I mean, they even have English words in their name... Ours is just written in English."
Everyone turned to look at Jin, who after coming back from America, was the "native" English expert. He didn't seem to gain any intelligence while he was there, but it's an improvement over their former "expert", Koki, who's vocabulary was limited to "Joker", "rapper", and "stand up" and some other various asundry words that didn't even make sense to him.
"It doesn't even mean anything, you know," Jin said, offhandedly. "I asked a girl there, and she said it sounded a bit like 'cartoon', but we already knew that, right?"
The room fell silent, and KT-TN fell into shock.
"Wow," Maru said. "I... I always thought it meant something..."
Junno raised his hand. "Me too! Johnny said it meant something..."
Koki began, "I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS SPECIAL TO BE IN A GROUP WITH AN ENGLISH NAME-"
"I *sniff* always *sniff* thought it was special *sniff* that my name was the first letter of *sniff* an honest-to-goodness *sniff* English word..." interrupted Kame, who was slowly, but surely, dissolving into tears. Jin hugged him, and of course, Yamapi jumped on top of him. The rest turned back to the TV, as they were a bit sick of the whole Akamepi thing.
Unfortunately for them, the poodle special had come on, leaving them somewhat dumbfounded. On the other hand, Ueda was enthralled by the story of a Brazilian scientist who had tried to crossbreed a poodle and a lizard, and had ended up with what looked a bit like a fluffy auburn alligator.
Fluffy auburn alligators seemed a bit unimportant, next to the thought of being taken over by the 13-member Korean monster of a group to the rest. (For the time they were ignoring the existence of the TRAX, TVXQ, BoA, Kangta, etc., as the TRAX was an entirely different genre, TVXQ was too small to pose a threat, BoA was a girl, and none of them had even heard of Kangta.) Ueda looked up, amazed to hear a break in the normal dull roar of noise.
"If you guys are this worried," he said, "think of reasons why you're better than these Super Korean People. That should make you feel better."
Ever the pessimist, Yamapi added, "And if we don't think of anything, we're all losers and we should work in construction."
The silence continued, only to be broken several milliseconds later by a wail.
"I'm too sexy to be in construction!" Ryo moaned, putting his head with it's newly dyed hair in his hands. He was, of course, conveniently forgetting that Yamapi himself had been in a drama once where his character had worked in construction. Though, this is understandable, as Ryo did not watch any dramas but his own.
Ueda patted him on the head as well, but harder and with a lot less warmth than he had patted Junno. This only caused Ryo to wail a little more, and consequently Ueda patted harder until he was Ryo screaming and Ueda bashing him over the head.
All this time, Ueda was still staring at the poodle special with a blank look on his face. He did not seem to notice that the others were staring at him. He was engrossed in a story about a poodle who had a paralyzed tail. The poodle reminded him a bit of Kame. The vet reminded him a bit of Maeda Ken.
Ueda was not in the least interested in the tribulations that were occurring behind him.
A phone rang, and everyone scrambled to look for their cells. Kame unearthed his beneath the couch, Yamapi pulled his out of his pocket, Koki poked through all of his pockets before realizing that it was in his room, Junno ran around in circles looking for his and upon finding it, continued running around for fun. Jin just shoved his hands in his pockets and pretended he hadn't heard, while Ryo attempted to pull his off of the fan with a meter stick that had been sitting around from costume fittings. (Shige had thrown it up there a week ago and forgotten that none of them were actually tall enough to get it down.)
By this time, Maru was already speaking to someone on his phone, which had been conveniently plugged into a wall charger. He hung up, sighing. Announcing this to the neurotic crowd would not be fun. However, Maru was not one for fun. He beatboxed, was always shoved to the back or side of photoshoots, and still didn't have his own single. It was hard being Maru.
Maru didn't really care how hard it was, just that it was hard announcing to a group that had been spazzing out over a band they had never met for the last half an hour that they were to meet said band as soon as Johnny could dump them on a bus and find the required number of bodyguards. (Two for each member was the norm, but Johnny was dropping it down to 1/2 per person as he thought twenty-six bodyguards would make them look like they were yakuza. Never mind the fact that Johnny was basically a bishounen yakuza.) He weighed the options, and realized that the best way would just be to...
"Hey, guys? You know, Johnny's sending over Super Junior in a couple minutes," he said calmly but loudly. "They've had a bit of a holdup."
"EHHH?!?"
"You guys better get ready, right?" said Ueda, who had gotten up, as the poodle show had ended without the promised three-headed dog. He was fairly disappointed and walked off to find something sugary to drink.
The room burst into a flurry of activity. Kame and Ryo pulled combs out of their pockets and ran to find a mirror in which to fix their hair. Yamapi attempted to remember some Korean words. Jin muttered to himself in English. Koki practiced his break dancing, and proceeded to knock over a lamp, bash into a chair, and hit Kame in the heel. Junno just bounced and sing-songingly repeated "iriguchi-deguchi-taguchi-desu!" over and over for no reason.
Maru started playing Tetris on his phone to kill time, humming as he pushed buttons.
This went on for about ten minutes with various degrees of activity (more when Koki almost knocked over the TV, less when he got up and attempted to reattach the power cord to the DVD player) and concluded when Ueda came back with his drink (which was, sadly, only water, not something sugary) and announced, "You know, guys, I saw them out my window. They're here."
Then there was a knock on the door, and all hell broke loose as eight boys ran to the door screaming, "I'LL GET IT!"
Super Junior's first impression of the Johnnys was of a mass of twenty-something-year-olds all falling on top of each other as they opened the door.
Their first impression was of Super Junior's taste in shoes.
This fic may be continued depending on my mood~
x-posted to various other comms