Aunt Katt's Random Unsolicited Advice
Last year, one of my neices graduated from high school. For some reason, I was suddenly filled with the need to impart all the advice I had to give. This turned into a long list I typed on a doc one night and never did anything with. I just found it again and decided to share it here.
Aunt Katt's Random Unsolicited Advice
Can you do your own laundry?
Do you know how to do a basic budget?
If we dropped you into an apartment with a fully functioning kitchen, a full fridge, and a pantry full of nonperishable food staples, would you be able to make something to feed yourself without going out for food/ordering take out?
If you answered no to any of these, learn them NOW. They are basic, important life skills.
Always pay more than the minimum payment. Fees add up.
Never loan more money then you are prepared to never see again.
If you are going to loan someone money, offer them half of what they asked for. Most of the time people ask for twice as much as they really need (often unknowingly). There are of course always exceptions to this.
In an emergency, yell, “Fire!” Not “help” or “rape.” People are more likely to pay attention.
If you get into a physical altercation you cannot get out of, remember, the eyes, neck, and groin are the most vulnerable parts of the human body. A bent elbow is the hardest.
Keys between your fingers in a clenched fist are a very effective weapon.
Learn to keep a check register of all your financial transactions, even if you never have a checkbook, and keep it balanced.
Have a side hustle, but make sure its legal first.
If its not legal and you're going to do it anyway, don't be stupid about it.
If you get arrested for it, own it, but don't say a damn word before talking to a lawyer.
Some things that fall into the category of “you get what you pay for” so always spend a bit more if you need to: lawyers, tattoos, hair care products, paper products, cheese
That being said, price is not always an indicator of quality. Also, just because something is the best quality, it does not mean it is the best purchase for you at that time. Know something about what you are buying. Everything you buy, even small items, are an investment. A good quality coat that will see you through three seasons of the year and last for several years is better than a cheap coat you will have to replace after one season, for an example.
While we are on shopping, before you buy something, ask yourself “am I willing to invest the time and energy into the care of this item?” It sounds silly, but even if it's just a knickknack on a shelf, you are going to have to invest some time and energy into keeping it clean or dusted, shouldn't it be worth it? Also ask yourself, “how do I clean this?” This is especially important of kitchen gadgets and things made of fabric. You don't want that “handy” kitchen gadget that works so well the first time, but never gets used again because it was so insanely impossible to clean. Or if the only way you are willing to do laundry is to throw everything in the washer and dryer indiscriminately, you don't want something that is dry clean only or requires very delicate handling.
When information is important, treat it like a research paper, always make sure its verified by at least two reliable sources.
A study paid for by the company it's in favor of is not a reliable source.
Neither is Wikipedia, Facebook, or your best friend that “knows things.”
Always be kind.
Being kind does not mean being a doormat.
Always use a beta who is a better writer than you. If you can't, make sure they are an avid reader and better at grammar than you.
If what you are writing is important, do not rely on a grammar checker. Some are better than others, but overall they have not been improved much since the mid-1990's. On average, a grammar checker finds six mistakes out of twenty five and offers incorrect advice fourteen times. A human being finds twenty two mistakes out of twenty five on average. Use a human being with eyeballs.
Do not pay for a grammar checker as they are often a scam, being just as good or worse than the free ones available.
Before you buy something, really think about the maintenance/upkeep of it (batteries, space, time needed to take care of it, how to clean it, etc.). If that doesn't scare you away from buying it, its probably a good purchase. (Yes, I mentioned this earlier, but it's important enough to bring up twice.)
If your tattoo artist, only switches the needles between clients. Do not get a tattoo. Do not give them money. Do not worry about being rude. WALK AWAY.
There are many other things I should say on getting tattooed or pierced, things to look for in your shop and artist, things you should and shouldn't do before hand, things you should do afterwards, but it would be a whole book and frankly, you have Google.
You always have a choice. Your choices may suck, but there always is one.
Being self-sufficient and making your own stuff are good, important life skills, but there are somethings you are better off buying instead. See Make the Bread, Buy the Butter.
Buying pre-prepared foods (like already cooked beets, chopped garlic, etc.) is not always cheating or a budget drain when cooking. Your time is worth money. Just be smart about it. Every fifteen minutes saved is worth 40 cents. (These are very old numbers.) And sometimes its just important for your sanity.
Even if you don't smoke or your friends don't smoke, always have a lighter handy. Trust me.
Take pictures, lots of pictures, even if its of “stupid” stuff. But don't take pictures of everything. You don't want to miss out on what is going on because you are busy documenting it. Actual participation with a photo after the fact will give you a better memory than standing off to the side watching with your phone or camera the whole time.
While we are on that, put down the damn phone. I can guarantee you are missing out. The phone can wait. You are with live people you could be connecting with. Also, its rude.
Don't smoke.
Be passionate about something. I don't care if its reducing plastic use, taking pictures of your dog, painting people's toenails, a TV show about two brothers driving around the country fighting supernatural creatures, cleaning up waterways, or whatever. Life sucks sometimes. You need something.
Crock pots are your friend.
Never trust an expert whose job it is to sell you something. They might be more knowledgeable than you on the subject, but they are also trying to meet their bottom line and/or trying to make a commission and will likely push to sell you more than you need, the more expensive option, or something you just don't need at all. This is also known as the “Never trust the meat guy, unless you trust the meat guy” rule.
Try new things; new brands, new music, new challenges, new authors, new everything. Stretch yourself. It makes you a better person.
Don't be perfect. “The perfect being, you said? Well, I have to tell you the honest truth as I see it. In this world, nothing perfect exists. It may be a cliché, after all. But it's the way things are. That's precisely why ordinary men pursue the concept of perfection: it's infatuation. But, ultimately I have to ask myself: what is the true meaning of being perfect? And the answer I came up with was: nothing. Not one thing. The truth of the matter is I despise perfection. If something is truly perfect, that's it. The bottom line becomes, there is no room for imagination. No space for intelligence or ability or improvement. Do you understand? To men of science like us, perfection is a dead end. A condition of hopelessness. Always strive to be better than anything that came before you, but not perfect.” - Kurotsuchi Mayuir (Bleach)
Yes, I just quoted an anime, but its still valid. But don't try to be perfect. You can't. It doesn't exist. And while we are at it, there will always be someone better than you. You cannot use someone else as your benchmark. They could have been at it longer, got better training, or are just naturally better at it. Be in competition with yourself. You should strive to be better than you were yesterday.
That being said, if you keep that up, improving yourself, you will eventually crush your competition anyway. Keep it up.
The internet is forever. It can be impossible to know if something you post today will come back to haunt you ten years from now or make you cringe at the very least. If you would not want your grandparents, parents, current or future children, current or future employers, or the police seeing it, you probably shouldn't be posting it. Also, if you absolutely must post nude pics, make sure your face isn't in them.
This is a bit on the obsolete side, but it has saved my butt more than once and you never know when it might be valid. If you are lost, look for a phone booth. They usually have phone books and the backs of most phone books have maps, unless someone else has beat you to them.
While we are on maps, try to never let yourself be in a situation where you are relying solely on your GPS. While they are more up-to-date and in many cases more readily available than a printed paper map, they also include things that shouldn't be there. For example, locally here we have an old logging road that is dangerous in the summer months and down right deadly in the winter. It isn't on the printed maps, but all the digital ones have it, so we frequently have problems with tourists getting trapped out there in the winter. Many of them have died. GPS is a handy tool, but it can be wrong. Supplement it with printed maps and Trip Check, if applicable. And your best resource would be a person who is local to and/or frequents where you are going.
Punching someone is almost never worth it, almost.
If you feel like you have to change for someone, they are not worth it.
If you are trying to change someone, walk away. People are not your personal projects. It is not your job to “improve” them. If you cannot be happy with them the way they are or are constantly telling yourself, “they would be just perfect if...,” then they are not for you.
People can only change themselves. Real, meaningful, lasting change can only happen if the person themselves wants it to happen. Surface changes can last a few years at the prodding of others, but it won't last unless the person really wants it to. Change is difficult and requires hard work and disciple. And even then, when we are talking core personal traits, the most its really going to change is like fifteen percent.
Do not text while driving. There is no text that is worth your life or the lives of the other people you are endangering. It can wait.
While we are on that, that goes for talking on the phone, eating, drinking, fixing your hair or makeup, arguing with the person in the backseat, gawking at things on the side of the road, and anything else that takes your attention off what your are doing. If you are driving, drive.
If you are leading, lead. If you are lacking what you need to lead, get it or get the fuck out of the way for someone better to do it.
If you are following, follow. I do not mean blind, unquestioned loyalty. Question authority, but do it in a way that is constructive. Do not cause problems simply for the sake of causing problems. If your leader needs help, help them. If your leader shouldn't be leading, remove them or take their place. If you are not willing to step up to lead and you cannot follow who you are following, find someone or something else to follow.
You have to understand the rules before you can break them properly.
Own a color wheel and learn how to use it. Even if you don't do art, its helpful for any situation you are pairing colors together (painting a house, painting a car, pairing clothes, etc) or trying to mix them (making frosting, dying your hair, etc.) and want things to look good.
Follow your gut. If that feeling in the pit of your stomach is telling you it is a horrible, rotten idea and you shouldn't do it, chances are, its a horrible, rotten idea and you shouldn't do it.
Extreme couponing is never the answer. Coupon policies very widely from store to store and region to region, making keeping up with them difficult. The time you would have to spend researching, collecting, organizing, and clipping/loading coupons rarely matches up with your savings. (Remember when I told you earlier your time is worth money?) And it often requires you to stock up on an unreasonable amount of items you will never use and thus will cost you in storage space (unless you are extreme couponing for charity donations). Also, those lists and brag posts about “How I fed my family of six for a month on $50!” Are almost always a crock. That isn't to say that these people have not achieved these financial miracles, but they are not repeatable by other people. The sales they took advantage of tend to be rare and other deals they used are specific to the stores they shop at in the region they are in. You would have to be shopping in the exact same area, in the same stores, with the same sales to get the results. So kudos to them and feel free to aspire to achieve their same levels of success, but remember that their methods will not work for you.
Know when to call a professional. I am a champion of doing it yourself, but you need to know when you are in over your head and need help. Sometimes its an opportunity to learn a new skill. Sometimes its something you are going to fuck up even worse and end up costing you many times more in aggravation and money than if you had just hired someone to do it for you in the first place. Learn to tell the difference.
Wear sunscreen.
Say thank you. It doesn't have to be a big note or anything, just say it when people give you something or send someone a quick text or something. It goes a long way and its such a little thing that means a lot. And I don't just mean family and friends. Your waiter, barista, cashier, and any other service person you encounter in your day deserves one too. It can make a persons whole day and in the long run it makes you a better person.
And remember when you have good service to find the manager to let them know. It will make their day as well as the person you are praising because most of the time all they hear about are complaints.
For everything, there is almost always an exception.
And this should go without saying, don't use electronic anything near water. I only add this because someone literally just sent me a picture of a bunch of college boys standing in an inflatable pool full of water, grilling at a table in said water, and they are apparently running something next to the grill as there is a cord coming off the table to a surge protector sitting on a pair of sandals floating in the water that appears to be plugged in. Both cords are dipped in the water. Don't do this. On this note, based on other pictures I have been sent tonight, do not strap a portable fan to the ceiling and do not stick a hose in a fan and turn them on.
Aunt Katt's Random Unsolicited Advice
Can you do your own laundry?
Do you know how to do a basic budget?
If we dropped you into an apartment with a fully functioning kitchen, a full fridge, and a pantry full of nonperishable food staples, would you be able to make something to feed yourself without going out for food/ordering take out?
If you answered no to any of these, learn them NOW. They are basic, important life skills.
Always pay more than the minimum payment. Fees add up.
Never loan more money then you are prepared to never see again.
If you are going to loan someone money, offer them half of what they asked for. Most of the time people ask for twice as much as they really need (often unknowingly). There are of course always exceptions to this.
In an emergency, yell, “Fire!” Not “help” or “rape.” People are more likely to pay attention.
If you get into a physical altercation you cannot get out of, remember, the eyes, neck, and groin are the most vulnerable parts of the human body. A bent elbow is the hardest.
Keys between your fingers in a clenched fist are a very effective weapon.
Learn to keep a check register of all your financial transactions, even if you never have a checkbook, and keep it balanced.
Have a side hustle, but make sure its legal first.
If its not legal and you're going to do it anyway, don't be stupid about it.
If you get arrested for it, own it, but don't say a damn word before talking to a lawyer.
Some things that fall into the category of “you get what you pay for” so always spend a bit more if you need to: lawyers, tattoos, hair care products, paper products, cheese
That being said, price is not always an indicator of quality. Also, just because something is the best quality, it does not mean it is the best purchase for you at that time. Know something about what you are buying. Everything you buy, even small items, are an investment. A good quality coat that will see you through three seasons of the year and last for several years is better than a cheap coat you will have to replace after one season, for an example.
While we are on shopping, before you buy something, ask yourself “am I willing to invest the time and energy into the care of this item?” It sounds silly, but even if it's just a knickknack on a shelf, you are going to have to invest some time and energy into keeping it clean or dusted, shouldn't it be worth it? Also ask yourself, “how do I clean this?” This is especially important of kitchen gadgets and things made of fabric. You don't want that “handy” kitchen gadget that works so well the first time, but never gets used again because it was so insanely impossible to clean. Or if the only way you are willing to do laundry is to throw everything in the washer and dryer indiscriminately, you don't want something that is dry clean only or requires very delicate handling.
When information is important, treat it like a research paper, always make sure its verified by at least two reliable sources.
A study paid for by the company it's in favor of is not a reliable source.
Neither is Wikipedia, Facebook, or your best friend that “knows things.”
Always be kind.
Being kind does not mean being a doormat.
Always use a beta who is a better writer than you. If you can't, make sure they are an avid reader and better at grammar than you.
If what you are writing is important, do not rely on a grammar checker. Some are better than others, but overall they have not been improved much since the mid-1990's. On average, a grammar checker finds six mistakes out of twenty five and offers incorrect advice fourteen times. A human being finds twenty two mistakes out of twenty five on average. Use a human being with eyeballs.
Do not pay for a grammar checker as they are often a scam, being just as good or worse than the free ones available.
Before you buy something, really think about the maintenance/upkeep of it (batteries, space, time needed to take care of it, how to clean it, etc.). If that doesn't scare you away from buying it, its probably a good purchase. (Yes, I mentioned this earlier, but it's important enough to bring up twice.)
If your tattoo artist, only switches the needles between clients. Do not get a tattoo. Do not give them money. Do not worry about being rude. WALK AWAY.
There are many other things I should say on getting tattooed or pierced, things to look for in your shop and artist, things you should and shouldn't do before hand, things you should do afterwards, but it would be a whole book and frankly, you have Google.
You always have a choice. Your choices may suck, but there always is one.
Being self-sufficient and making your own stuff are good, important life skills, but there are somethings you are better off buying instead. See Make the Bread, Buy the Butter.
Buying pre-prepared foods (like already cooked beets, chopped garlic, etc.) is not always cheating or a budget drain when cooking. Your time is worth money. Just be smart about it. Every fifteen minutes saved is worth 40 cents. (These are very old numbers.) And sometimes its just important for your sanity.
Even if you don't smoke or your friends don't smoke, always have a lighter handy. Trust me.
Take pictures, lots of pictures, even if its of “stupid” stuff. But don't take pictures of everything. You don't want to miss out on what is going on because you are busy documenting it. Actual participation with a photo after the fact will give you a better memory than standing off to the side watching with your phone or camera the whole time.
While we are on that, put down the damn phone. I can guarantee you are missing out. The phone can wait. You are with live people you could be connecting with. Also, its rude.
Don't smoke.
Be passionate about something. I don't care if its reducing plastic use, taking pictures of your dog, painting people's toenails, a TV show about two brothers driving around the country fighting supernatural creatures, cleaning up waterways, or whatever. Life sucks sometimes. You need something.
Crock pots are your friend.
Never trust an expert whose job it is to sell you something. They might be more knowledgeable than you on the subject, but they are also trying to meet their bottom line and/or trying to make a commission and will likely push to sell you more than you need, the more expensive option, or something you just don't need at all. This is also known as the “Never trust the meat guy, unless you trust the meat guy” rule.
Try new things; new brands, new music, new challenges, new authors, new everything. Stretch yourself. It makes you a better person.
Don't be perfect. “The perfect being, you said? Well, I have to tell you the honest truth as I see it. In this world, nothing perfect exists. It may be a cliché, after all. But it's the way things are. That's precisely why ordinary men pursue the concept of perfection: it's infatuation. But, ultimately I have to ask myself: what is the true meaning of being perfect? And the answer I came up with was: nothing. Not one thing. The truth of the matter is I despise perfection. If something is truly perfect, that's it. The bottom line becomes, there is no room for imagination. No space for intelligence or ability or improvement. Do you understand? To men of science like us, perfection is a dead end. A condition of hopelessness. Always strive to be better than anything that came before you, but not perfect.” - Kurotsuchi Mayuir (Bleach)
Yes, I just quoted an anime, but its still valid. But don't try to be perfect. You can't. It doesn't exist. And while we are at it, there will always be someone better than you. You cannot use someone else as your benchmark. They could have been at it longer, got better training, or are just naturally better at it. Be in competition with yourself. You should strive to be better than you were yesterday.
That being said, if you keep that up, improving yourself, you will eventually crush your competition anyway. Keep it up.
The internet is forever. It can be impossible to know if something you post today will come back to haunt you ten years from now or make you cringe at the very least. If you would not want your grandparents, parents, current or future children, current or future employers, or the police seeing it, you probably shouldn't be posting it. Also, if you absolutely must post nude pics, make sure your face isn't in them.
This is a bit on the obsolete side, but it has saved my butt more than once and you never know when it might be valid. If you are lost, look for a phone booth. They usually have phone books and the backs of most phone books have maps, unless someone else has beat you to them.
While we are on maps, try to never let yourself be in a situation where you are relying solely on your GPS. While they are more up-to-date and in many cases more readily available than a printed paper map, they also include things that shouldn't be there. For example, locally here we have an old logging road that is dangerous in the summer months and down right deadly in the winter. It isn't on the printed maps, but all the digital ones have it, so we frequently have problems with tourists getting trapped out there in the winter. Many of them have died. GPS is a handy tool, but it can be wrong. Supplement it with printed maps and Trip Check, if applicable. And your best resource would be a person who is local to and/or frequents where you are going.
Punching someone is almost never worth it, almost.
If you feel like you have to change for someone, they are not worth it.
If you are trying to change someone, walk away. People are not your personal projects. It is not your job to “improve” them. If you cannot be happy with them the way they are or are constantly telling yourself, “they would be just perfect if...,” then they are not for you.
People can only change themselves. Real, meaningful, lasting change can only happen if the person themselves wants it to happen. Surface changes can last a few years at the prodding of others, but it won't last unless the person really wants it to. Change is difficult and requires hard work and disciple. And even then, when we are talking core personal traits, the most its really going to change is like fifteen percent.
Do not text while driving. There is no text that is worth your life or the lives of the other people you are endangering. It can wait.
While we are on that, that goes for talking on the phone, eating, drinking, fixing your hair or makeup, arguing with the person in the backseat, gawking at things on the side of the road, and anything else that takes your attention off what your are doing. If you are driving, drive.
If you are leading, lead. If you are lacking what you need to lead, get it or get the fuck out of the way for someone better to do it.
If you are following, follow. I do not mean blind, unquestioned loyalty. Question authority, but do it in a way that is constructive. Do not cause problems simply for the sake of causing problems. If your leader needs help, help them. If your leader shouldn't be leading, remove them or take their place. If you are not willing to step up to lead and you cannot follow who you are following, find someone or something else to follow.
You have to understand the rules before you can break them properly.
Own a color wheel and learn how to use it. Even if you don't do art, its helpful for any situation you are pairing colors together (painting a house, painting a car, pairing clothes, etc) or trying to mix them (making frosting, dying your hair, etc.) and want things to look good.
Follow your gut. If that feeling in the pit of your stomach is telling you it is a horrible, rotten idea and you shouldn't do it, chances are, its a horrible, rotten idea and you shouldn't do it.
Extreme couponing is never the answer. Coupon policies very widely from store to store and region to region, making keeping up with them difficult. The time you would have to spend researching, collecting, organizing, and clipping/loading coupons rarely matches up with your savings. (Remember when I told you earlier your time is worth money?) And it often requires you to stock up on an unreasonable amount of items you will never use and thus will cost you in storage space (unless you are extreme couponing for charity donations). Also, those lists and brag posts about “How I fed my family of six for a month on $50!” Are almost always a crock. That isn't to say that these people have not achieved these financial miracles, but they are not repeatable by other people. The sales they took advantage of tend to be rare and other deals they used are specific to the stores they shop at in the region they are in. You would have to be shopping in the exact same area, in the same stores, with the same sales to get the results. So kudos to them and feel free to aspire to achieve their same levels of success, but remember that their methods will not work for you.
Know when to call a professional. I am a champion of doing it yourself, but you need to know when you are in over your head and need help. Sometimes its an opportunity to learn a new skill. Sometimes its something you are going to fuck up even worse and end up costing you many times more in aggravation and money than if you had just hired someone to do it for you in the first place. Learn to tell the difference.
Wear sunscreen.
Say thank you. It doesn't have to be a big note or anything, just say it when people give you something or send someone a quick text or something. It goes a long way and its such a little thing that means a lot. And I don't just mean family and friends. Your waiter, barista, cashier, and any other service person you encounter in your day deserves one too. It can make a persons whole day and in the long run it makes you a better person.
And remember when you have good service to find the manager to let them know. It will make their day as well as the person you are praising because most of the time all they hear about are complaints.
For everything, there is almost always an exception.
And this should go without saying, don't use electronic anything near water. I only add this because someone literally just sent me a picture of a bunch of college boys standing in an inflatable pool full of water, grilling at a table in said water, and they are apparently running something next to the grill as there is a cord coming off the table to a surge protector sitting on a pair of sandals floating in the water that appears to be plugged in. Both cords are dipped in the water. Don't do this. On this note, based on other pictures I have been sent tonight, do not strap a portable fan to the ceiling and do not stick a hose in a fan and turn them on.