OK, you know I don't read intergenerational stuff, and I don't even watch Heroes, but I wanted to see if you were giving yourself a fair shake. As usual, you aren't. :(
So here's my take on it. Because I don't watch I can't tell you about the characterization, but from the posters above, its probably fine (Nathan, a cold bastard, Peter, generally confused and frustrated, Claire, sweet but with some personality in there). The ONLY thing I can see that might be an issue is that you basically have a fic and a half here, but you needed the backstory so that isn't a real issue. It's good and shows the dynamics between Peter and Nathan well, it just makes the opening a bit long.
Everything from "Costa Verde was warm and sunny..." on is excellent. You've done a good job of showing the scene with enough detail to give a picture, but not enough to lose your reader, sliding Peter's doubts in without being too infodumpy, showing where Claire was emotionally thinking that Peter and Nathan were both dead and her feelings of being left out. The flash of temper and the punch when he was expecting a hug did a good job of showing her personality. The end of the scene, where he goes to kiss her shows a really delicate touch that is just sweet and doubtful enough in combination with the sensuality.
So, as fair a rundown as I can give. Take of it what you will. :P
So here's my take on it. Because I don't watch I can't tell you about the characterization, but from the posters above, its probably fine (Nathan, a cold bastard, Peter, generally confused and frustrated, Claire, sweet but with some personality in there). The ONLY thing I can see that might be an issue is that you basically have a fic and a half here, but you needed the backstory so that isn't a real issue. It's good and shows the dynamics between Peter and Nathan well, it just makes the opening a bit long.
Everything from "Costa Verde was warm and sunny..." on is excellent. You've done a good job of showing the scene with enough detail to give a picture, but not enough to lose your reader, sliding Peter's doubts in without being too infodumpy, showing where Claire was emotionally thinking that Peter and Nathan were both dead and her feelings of being left out. The flash of temper and the punch when he was expecting a hug did a good job of showing her personality. The end of the scene, where he goes to kiss her shows a really delicate touch that is just sweet and doubtful enough in combination with the sensuality.
So, as fair a rundown as I can give. Take of it what you will. :P
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eh. you know 'this too shall pass' and all that.
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