Stormy Emotional Weather
Everyone on my friends list is gleeful about an iPod, or some other awesome event in their life. I think they're sucking all the goodness out of mine. I have a big, heavy, extremely dark cloud over me, and its name is Chemistry II. It sucks more than I could possibly explain. Suffice it to say that I'm not used to things not coming easily to me. I know I understand most of what's going on, but it just isn't coming to me as quickly as this summer semester is going by. I could be acing this class if it were a full term semester, but as it is... fuck. I'm having my ass kicked, and I'm not proud of it.
Add to that that I just seem to have a death-touch when it comes to computers. Someday I'll have the whole moving story/broken ankle saga up, but right now, it's on my laptop which will no longer accept penetration by my wireless usb key without entering an endless loop of reboots, for no apparent reason.
So I tried to make the wireless usb work on my desktop, since it has a non-wireless network card installed in it. And that was what had me screaming so hard I must have broken blood vessels in my eyes to see so many shooting stars the other day. I managed to completely destroy all usb functionality on my computer. Usually I'm not so bad at installing things and whatever, but man. I sure fucked it good and hard, about as thoroughly as chemistry is fucking me.
We've been without tv or (unpirated) internet for two weeks now. I've been calling the cable people every few days to see if they've had any appointment cancellations so that they could come earlier rather than later, but now I'm somewhat relieved that our appointment is tomorrow. If they had come earlier, and when Jon wasn't there, I'd prolly have managed to blow up more things *. As it is, my computer probably needs to be completely formatted, after my 39.5 gigs (out of an available 40.0) are backed up. I don't know *what* computer we're going to have them plug things into tomorrow during installation, cause it prolly shouldn't be mine, like we'd planned.
Really, I just need to look at the bigger pictures. I just have to *pass* this chemistry class, I don't need to ace it. It prolly can't even hurt my gpa, since I have so many credits already. And I will likely never, ever be teaching second semester college chemistry to high school kids. Having this stuff mastered is not vital to my success at this point. I've heard rumors that this is among the hardest classes in the chemistry department. Which means that I don't need to flush my (very, very tenative) hopes of a chemistry masters someday, it just needs to sit on the way, way, WAY back burner. I have a lot of goals that need to be reached much before that even becomes a possibility. And my computer will be fixed, one way or another.
None of this shit equals the end of the world, and I need to chill the fuck out. I don't know where my screaming rages come from or go to, but I can get pretty unpleasant to be around, especially to myself. Looking at my horizons, I wouldn't guess that a storm so turbulent could sneak up and envelop me out of nowhere, but knowing that my emotional weather can get really, really rough, I need to find something to keep me sheltered, cause getting as worked up as I've been lately is just not good. Really, everything is and will continue to be okay.
The house continues to be fabulous, and we're getting settled nicely. LJ people in the area, you are being pre-warned of a party at my house next weekend. I think we're planning *two* parties, to keep each of them smaller, so Friday or Saturday, take your pick.
I wish I could be more exciting than this, but really, I don't have anything to talk about other than chemistry. It has taken over my entire life, and there is no breathing unless I'm breathing chemistry. I need a fucking vacation.
*: On the flip side, if the bastards had been able to come two weeks ago when we moved in, I wouldn't have been dicking around trying to get my wireless usb to work in my desktop, and this whole disaster wouldn't have fucking happened.
Add to that that I just seem to have a death-touch when it comes to computers. Someday I'll have the whole moving story/broken ankle saga up, but right now, it's on my laptop which will no longer accept penetration by my wireless usb key without entering an endless loop of reboots, for no apparent reason.
So I tried to make the wireless usb work on my desktop, since it has a non-wireless network card installed in it. And that was what had me screaming so hard I must have broken blood vessels in my eyes to see so many shooting stars the other day. I managed to completely destroy all usb functionality on my computer. Usually I'm not so bad at installing things and whatever, but man. I sure fucked it good and hard, about as thoroughly as chemistry is fucking me.
We've been without tv or (unpirated) internet for two weeks now. I've been calling the cable people every few days to see if they've had any appointment cancellations so that they could come earlier rather than later, but now I'm somewhat relieved that our appointment is tomorrow. If they had come earlier, and when Jon wasn't there, I'd prolly have managed to blow up more things *. As it is, my computer probably needs to be completely formatted, after my 39.5 gigs (out of an available 40.0) are backed up. I don't know *what* computer we're going to have them plug things into tomorrow during installation, cause it prolly shouldn't be mine, like we'd planned.
Really, I just need to look at the bigger pictures. I just have to *pass* this chemistry class, I don't need to ace it. It prolly can't even hurt my gpa, since I have so many credits already. And I will likely never, ever be teaching second semester college chemistry to high school kids. Having this stuff mastered is not vital to my success at this point. I've heard rumors that this is among the hardest classes in the chemistry department. Which means that I don't need to flush my (very, very tenative) hopes of a chemistry masters someday, it just needs to sit on the way, way, WAY back burner. I have a lot of goals that need to be reached much before that even becomes a possibility. And my computer will be fixed, one way or another.
None of this shit equals the end of the world, and I need to chill the fuck out. I don't know where my screaming rages come from or go to, but I can get pretty unpleasant to be around, especially to myself. Looking at my horizons, I wouldn't guess that a storm so turbulent could sneak up and envelop me out of nowhere, but knowing that my emotional weather can get really, really rough, I need to find something to keep me sheltered, cause getting as worked up as I've been lately is just not good. Really, everything is and will continue to be okay.
The house continues to be fabulous, and we're getting settled nicely. LJ people in the area, you are being pre-warned of a party at my house next weekend. I think we're planning *two* parties, to keep each of them smaller, so Friday or Saturday, take your pick.
I wish I could be more exciting than this, but really, I don't have anything to talk about other than chemistry. It has taken over my entire life, and there is no breathing unless I'm breathing chemistry. I need a fucking vacation.
*: On the flip side, if the bastards had been able to come two weeks ago when we moved in, I wouldn't have been dicking around trying to get my wireless usb to work in my desktop, and this whole disaster wouldn't have fucking happened.