Skipping months
ok WHERE did February go? and for that matter where did March go? It's almost over!! o.O
This term has taken me by force. I'm so exhausted, physically and emotionally. I spent the better part of last nigth studying for one of my numerous exams and healing with Caitlin. I feel alot better that she's ok now and it's one more hole in my heart that's not empty anymore. I said some intense things to her the other week and the poor girl had so much on her plate, that I think I really hurt her feelings, which news flash: she doesn't deserve. I've felt like a heal all week for that, but it's better now.
I'm also seeing and feeling changes in my family. Not bad ones- just evolution. I know it's never going to be the same as when I was young and I'm ok with that- it's just hard to get used to sometimes. I got to see my little sister perform in the highschool musical. They did Cinderella and the kids were really wonderful. They gave an energetic and fun performance. I could hear such vocal growth from some of my little sister's friends. I got to hang out breifly with my family at home that night but the next morning I had to bolt straight back to church in Portland for my job. I really miss my family. Just getting a taste that night made me realise how long it's been since I've been home. I'll see them this Tuesday though and I'll be home through Saturday durring Spring Break :D
Another releif is that Leion and I (after a very emotional week and much talk) have decided to let the wedding go for now. I've been fighting it for years now but the fact of it is we are not financially ready for marriage. I've been stressing for two years about how we live- how it's not "grown up" enough for a married couple, how we're not financially independent, and we're still going to be in college the time we wanted to set the wedding. I feel the pressure to get married but at the same time I know we have our whole lives to be married legally. I want to wait until the timing is right. I want my mom to be happy and excited about it- not stressed and worried. And quite honestly I love this man with all my heart. For all purposes he is my husband. He's the one I chose to live my entire life with, where ever he is, it's home. I can wait how ever long it takes to get a piece of paper stating the obvious...plus it gives me more time to lose some more pounds for mah sexy wedding dress >.<
I'm really looking forward to everything that's comming up in these next few months. I'm going to perform my first large role in an opera, I'm going to be living in a new town house down by the river (no not a van) and I'm going to be living with my little sister, and of course taking way too many classes to catch up. Life is good...and busy :P
This term has taken me by force. I'm so exhausted, physically and emotionally. I spent the better part of last nigth studying for one of my numerous exams and healing with Caitlin. I feel alot better that she's ok now and it's one more hole in my heart that's not empty anymore. I said some intense things to her the other week and the poor girl had so much on her plate, that I think I really hurt her feelings, which news flash: she doesn't deserve. I've felt like a heal all week for that, but it's better now.
I'm also seeing and feeling changes in my family. Not bad ones- just evolution. I know it's never going to be the same as when I was young and I'm ok with that- it's just hard to get used to sometimes. I got to see my little sister perform in the highschool musical. They did Cinderella and the kids were really wonderful. They gave an energetic and fun performance. I could hear such vocal growth from some of my little sister's friends. I got to hang out breifly with my family at home that night but the next morning I had to bolt straight back to church in Portland for my job. I really miss my family. Just getting a taste that night made me realise how long it's been since I've been home. I'll see them this Tuesday though and I'll be home through Saturday durring Spring Break :D
Another releif is that Leion and I (after a very emotional week and much talk) have decided to let the wedding go for now. I've been fighting it for years now but the fact of it is we are not financially ready for marriage. I've been stressing for two years about how we live- how it's not "grown up" enough for a married couple, how we're not financially independent, and we're still going to be in college the time we wanted to set the wedding. I feel the pressure to get married but at the same time I know we have our whole lives to be married legally. I want to wait until the timing is right. I want my mom to be happy and excited about it- not stressed and worried. And quite honestly I love this man with all my heart. For all purposes he is my husband. He's the one I chose to live my entire life with, where ever he is, it's home. I can wait how ever long it takes to get a piece of paper stating the obvious...plus it gives me more time to lose some more pounds for mah sexy wedding dress >.<
I'm really looking forward to everything that's comming up in these next few months. I'm going to perform my first large role in an opera, I'm going to be living in a new town house down by the river (no not a van) and I'm going to be living with my little sister, and of course taking way too many classes to catch up. Life is good...and busy :P