Fanfiction: Healing takes time - Time to wake up
Title: Healing Takes Time - Time to wake up
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He hadn't been better than Clay
Warnings: Heavy spoilers for the end of the comics. Fix-it fic.
Author Note: This is the first one of a series of I still don't know how many ficlets. This is un-betaed for now but hopefully it will get beta-ed by emocezi sooner or later (when I'll send it to her)
Credits and thanks: The Losers do not belong to me. They belong to DC and Dark Castle Entertainment plus Warner Bros Pictures. I am not making any money off this fic.
Inspired by a request from emocezi this turned into a monster of more than (for now) 8000 words (for now) that's not even finished yet. Many thanks to emocezi for letting me spam her with this.
There aren't angelitos in his afterlife.
There is silence and white and Jensen being unable to look at him, while he calls him a 'motherfucker' for the last time.
There is the feeling of Jensen arms around him.
There are the last words he's ever heard Jensen say to him.
There, you got the last of my ammo clips. Anythin' else you need?
And there is the feeling of his hat on his head, the image he catch in the corner of his eye of Jensen back and the movement of his hand, upward to catch a tear.
Then Jensen is gone and he's alone, until the cycle restarts.
Around the two hundred and whatever mark, Cougar realizes something.
It's around the time that for the first time he hears himself, after he's gotten the two shots in his chest and while he was crawling towards the bomb.
N-no, no good... I die, I block the pipe. You... gotta go first.
And he thinks Then I just should keep going until we're out. I just don't die, I could do it.. He didn't thought it at the time but he was tired.
Now he isn't.
He's also sure he's gone and done the most fucking stupid thing of his life. Fat load of good it does to him now.
He hears Jensen furious Fuck you, Cougar, I ain't leavin' you behind--! and he thinks Off course you aren't and I should listen to you.
He didn't, at the time, and he hears himself being a fucking idiota.
Gotta-- can't swim... like this... they'll be comin'... I'll hold 'em off ... long as I can ...
The floor is cold and the bomb resembles a football ball with little spikes with the points saw off and a nuclear symbol. He can't look at Jensen, he knows he can't.
Just make sure ... you get ... as far away ... as you can ... and don't look back and could he be more of an asshole to Jensen?
Well, actually he could and he was. He kept the hat, after all.
There are tears in Jensen voice when he answers You crazy son of a bitch... Jesus, Cougar, you don't have to do this-- and yeah he didn't and he was pretty sure one shot was in the shoulder and that the other have missed his lung so he could have got in the tube in front of Jensen and just let Jensen push him.
Breath from his mask but no, he was too stubborn and the last attack of PTSD was too recent and he was losing blood so his mind wasn't as clear as it should have been. That was why he told Jensen what he was thinking.
Yeah, I do... last chance... Clay's dead... Aisha's flipped... just us now... an' those kids-- the ones in the chopper... I still see 'em every night, Jensen... hear 'em screamin'... a deep breath and then I gotta end it.
And actually, keeping the hat maybe wasn't on the level of assholer-y of this one. They sure came close.
There is his blood on the floor and Jensen is kneeling in front of him, the bomb between them and the other cycle starts back again.
He was so focused on himself he forgot Jensen, he forgot to leave him something, to give him something to live for. His sister and his niece, they had their lives and dealing with the level of trauma that Jensen was going to carry from the whole last few years of their lives wasn't fair to them.
Wasn't fair to Jensen who was going to have only Pooch to turn at and still Pooch had his family. His two girls, Jolene and a shot to a normal life. Off course he would help Jensen but would it be enough for Jensen to move forward?
Not on, just forward.
Cougar regretted everything. Every thing went unsaid, every moment in which he was focusing on his nightmares and his problems and not paying attention if the hacker had any. They had something before Bolivia, DADT meant fuck to them, but Cougar never touched Jensen again after and Jensen didn't ask him anything, just accepted it.
For all that he talked, he never seemed to touch those arguments. The important ones, the ones who could have shook Cougar. Not that it was Jensen fault.
Cougar hugged him when he survived the sinking ship and Roque but didn't change a thing afterwards. It was back to being buddies because it was simple, less complicated. Cougar didn't have energy for complicated, all of his energies went to Max and his prayers and squeezing his trigger.
He hadn't been better than Clay.
If only he could change things, if only he could come back ...
... and just like that, the cycle stopped.
That was when, to the shock of the nurse who was cleaning him, John Doe, left to them a year prior by a woman in a burqa, opened his eyes and got out of his coma.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He hadn't been better than Clay
Warnings: Heavy spoilers for the end of the comics. Fix-it fic.
Author Note: This is the first one of a series of I still don't know how many ficlets. This is un-betaed for now but hopefully it will get beta-ed by emocezi sooner or later (when I'll send it to her)
Credits and thanks: The Losers do not belong to me. They belong to DC and Dark Castle Entertainment plus Warner Bros Pictures. I am not making any money off this fic.
Inspired by a request from emocezi this turned into a monster of more than (for now) 8000 words (for now) that's not even finished yet. Many thanks to emocezi for letting me spam her with this.
There aren't angelitos in his afterlife.
There is silence and white and Jensen being unable to look at him, while he calls him a 'motherfucker' for the last time.
There is the feeling of Jensen arms around him.
There are the last words he's ever heard Jensen say to him.
There, you got the last of my ammo clips. Anythin' else you need?
And there is the feeling of his hat on his head, the image he catch in the corner of his eye of Jensen back and the movement of his hand, upward to catch a tear.
Then Jensen is gone and he's alone, until the cycle restarts.
Around the two hundred and whatever mark, Cougar realizes something.
It's around the time that for the first time he hears himself, after he's gotten the two shots in his chest and while he was crawling towards the bomb.
N-no, no good... I die, I block the pipe. You... gotta go first.
And he thinks Then I just should keep going until we're out. I just don't die, I could do it.. He didn't thought it at the time but he was tired.
Now he isn't.
He's also sure he's gone and done the most fucking stupid thing of his life. Fat load of good it does to him now.
He hears Jensen furious Fuck you, Cougar, I ain't leavin' you behind--! and he thinks Off course you aren't and I should listen to you.
He didn't, at the time, and he hears himself being a fucking idiota.
Gotta-- can't swim... like this... they'll be comin'... I'll hold 'em off ... long as I can ...
The floor is cold and the bomb resembles a football ball with little spikes with the points saw off and a nuclear symbol. He can't look at Jensen, he knows he can't.
Just make sure ... you get ... as far away ... as you can ... and don't look back and could he be more of an asshole to Jensen?
Well, actually he could and he was. He kept the hat, after all.
There are tears in Jensen voice when he answers You crazy son of a bitch... Jesus, Cougar, you don't have to do this-- and yeah he didn't and he was pretty sure one shot was in the shoulder and that the other have missed his lung so he could have got in the tube in front of Jensen and just let Jensen push him.
Breath from his mask but no, he was too stubborn and the last attack of PTSD was too recent and he was losing blood so his mind wasn't as clear as it should have been. That was why he told Jensen what he was thinking.
Yeah, I do... last chance... Clay's dead... Aisha's flipped... just us now... an' those kids-- the ones in the chopper... I still see 'em every night, Jensen... hear 'em screamin'... a deep breath and then I gotta end it.
And actually, keeping the hat maybe wasn't on the level of assholer-y of this one. They sure came close.
There is his blood on the floor and Jensen is kneeling in front of him, the bomb between them and the other cycle starts back again.
He was so focused on himself he forgot Jensen, he forgot to leave him something, to give him something to live for. His sister and his niece, they had their lives and dealing with the level of trauma that Jensen was going to carry from the whole last few years of their lives wasn't fair to them.
Wasn't fair to Jensen who was going to have only Pooch to turn at and still Pooch had his family. His two girls, Jolene and a shot to a normal life. Off course he would help Jensen but would it be enough for Jensen to move forward?
Not on, just forward.
Cougar regretted everything. Every thing went unsaid, every moment in which he was focusing on his nightmares and his problems and not paying attention if the hacker had any. They had something before Bolivia, DADT meant fuck to them, but Cougar never touched Jensen again after and Jensen didn't ask him anything, just accepted it.
For all that he talked, he never seemed to touch those arguments. The important ones, the ones who could have shook Cougar. Not that it was Jensen fault.
Cougar hugged him when he survived the sinking ship and Roque but didn't change a thing afterwards. It was back to being buddies because it was simple, less complicated. Cougar didn't have energy for complicated, all of his energies went to Max and his prayers and squeezing his trigger.
He hadn't been better than Clay.
If only he could change things, if only he could come back ...
... and just like that, the cycle stopped.
That was when, to the shock of the nurse who was cleaning him, John Doe, left to them a year prior by a woman in a burqa, opened his eyes and got out of his coma.