The Winds of Change
Well! What a month!
You know how when something splendid happens, but karma is a bitch and makes you pay for it by handing you a pile of shit on the side? That's what my entire month has been like.
For starters, I think I have bed bugs. Bastards started biting JUST before she got here. So the day before she's arriving, I'm running to the ER with an arm swollen and red and hurting and BURNING because of cellulitls. And the drugs they gave me made me sick for /weeks/. Vampire pills that told me to stay out of sunlight (no beach days, no park visits, no walking around town...) and antibiotics that had me feeling like a zombie, and hurting on the inside. It got to the point where my godmother gave me Lunesta to get some sleep through the pain, and boy does that shit work! Rumplestiltskin couldn't make a potion that worked for five days straight on one dose!
And Cookie... gods, I love that woman. I know how Rumple feels, and why he fell for Belle so hard, because I'm living it. I see her beautiful face first thing in the morning, she pokes at me to keep on task (which I sometimes really need), pops a breakfast in the kitchen... even hot pockets is better than nothing, which I'd otherwise do myself. But she makes TEA. And not only does she make tea, she makes a PERFECT cuppa. That's one of those little things that seem silly, but are the difference between someone you live with and someone who earns your quiet, unyielding adoration -- the silent tokens of care that show that they're paying attention and watching out for you. Busy as he is? This is why Rumplestiltksin has a caretaker. Mind, I would get up and do breakfast /myself/ from time to time, but it is just so damned nice having someone dote on me. This is what having a wife is like! Damnit, I want to keep her forever!
And silence. Someone once said that the token of a relationship is the ability to just sit and be quiet with one another. I have that with her. I thought I had that with Rich, but I really don't. I have to remind him that I'm being antisocial, working, writing, reading, doing something on my own and don't want his interruptions, but he still keeps on bugging me. I find myself growling warnings at him from his random outbursts of laughter as he's Farking behind me. It's frustrating! But Cookie? She'll quietly move around me, do her own thing, and we'll even take turns playing iTunes -- neither of us have to ask, but we both work best with music. We take turns! It's a beautiful thing. We both discuss where we want to go, and even though there are times neither of us have a preference, and I growl, "Answer the damned question, woman...", I truly adore the fact that I get a /say/ in things. Rich always seems to have his own idea of how things will go, and just assumes I'm along for the ride. It's a breath of beautiful, cool, crisp, clean, fresh air. And I love it.
And Richard has already hung himself. Poor fool doesn't even truly realise it. Bastard decided he was going to dump me the Friday after he got here. After how much I've been wrestling with how to compromise these two loves, that was the worst thing he could have done for himself, but he did it. And now, he's on probation to prove to me I /should/ take him back. I've told him as much, but he doesn't seem to be taking it seriously. I'm watching him, and I'm not seeing a great show of effort, which I will use to sign his gravestone if he does not straighten up very quickly, and very straight. Unfortunately, it's hard to teach and old dog new tricks, and what I've been trying to do in three years isn't likely to change in a matter of weeks, but if it doesn't, the blame will fall on his shoulders, not mine.
-sighs- We're talking about moving cross country. Either I'm going to Seattle, or Washington, or she's moving here. One of us is going to do a serious uplift for this, and my concern is that we make the right decision. I'm a shite person for money, so it would be a fool's bargain to move to Washington for the sake of moving to Washington, only to scrape out a miserable, bohemian existence in Puget Sound, when we could be living far better living out on Willoughby Spitt. That's why I like it here -- the necessities are present, anything else is not that far away, it's right on the shore for beautiful (CHEAP) beach living, and the rent is very good. For someone that is working part time at Wendy's, it's not too shabby. OV used to be a really bad neighborhood, so it's a bit of a well-kept secret, and I like it that way. This is a nice, cozy little spot, and I want to make sure that wherever we go will be better, not worse. That just requires us doing our homework, and we've a year to do that...
And for more irony, my godmother's moved into town. She and Paul are looking to see if they can get me a better job at the Green Parrot, and that will be AMAZING if it goes down. She's also talking about helping me get Gabe back at a vet, and even getting a car. All of which will require the better job first, but they're JUST down the street from me, and that's a guaranteed ride while I'm saving up. If it goes through, I could be looking at a SERIOUS life improvement, Cookie notwithstanding, which is really what I need right now. I also applied for FAFSA to see what kind of money I can get from the government to work on my degree, and that's another step to getting my education done, and getting an even BETTER job. This could be the big break I need, and it looks like Rich isn't going to be doing his part to stick with me until things get better, but Joanne will. Really!
-sighs- So much is going on right now... I'm watching a lot of big puzzle pieces coming down from the sky, and while they haven't been put into place yet, I'm anxious. In a good way, mind, but change is always hard. I'm trying to arm myself, because this is going to get really rough, but if I can weather the storm, some good things are headed my way.
I'm just worried about how I'm going to pay for them.
You know how when something splendid happens, but karma is a bitch and makes you pay for it by handing you a pile of shit on the side? That's what my entire month has been like.
For starters, I think I have bed bugs. Bastards started biting JUST before she got here. So the day before she's arriving, I'm running to the ER with an arm swollen and red and hurting and BURNING because of cellulitls. And the drugs they gave me made me sick for /weeks/. Vampire pills that told me to stay out of sunlight (no beach days, no park visits, no walking around town...) and antibiotics that had me feeling like a zombie, and hurting on the inside. It got to the point where my godmother gave me Lunesta to get some sleep through the pain, and boy does that shit work! Rumplestiltskin couldn't make a potion that worked for five days straight on one dose!
And Cookie... gods, I love that woman. I know how Rumple feels, and why he fell for Belle so hard, because I'm living it. I see her beautiful face first thing in the morning, she pokes at me to keep on task (which I sometimes really need), pops a breakfast in the kitchen... even hot pockets is better than nothing, which I'd otherwise do myself. But she makes TEA. And not only does she make tea, she makes a PERFECT cuppa. That's one of those little things that seem silly, but are the difference between someone you live with and someone who earns your quiet, unyielding adoration -- the silent tokens of care that show that they're paying attention and watching out for you. Busy as he is? This is why Rumplestiltksin has a caretaker. Mind, I would get up and do breakfast /myself/ from time to time, but it is just so damned nice having someone dote on me. This is what having a wife is like! Damnit, I want to keep her forever!
And silence. Someone once said that the token of a relationship is the ability to just sit and be quiet with one another. I have that with her. I thought I had that with Rich, but I really don't. I have to remind him that I'm being antisocial, working, writing, reading, doing something on my own and don't want his interruptions, but he still keeps on bugging me. I find myself growling warnings at him from his random outbursts of laughter as he's Farking behind me. It's frustrating! But Cookie? She'll quietly move around me, do her own thing, and we'll even take turns playing iTunes -- neither of us have to ask, but we both work best with music. We take turns! It's a beautiful thing. We both discuss where we want to go, and even though there are times neither of us have a preference, and I growl, "Answer the damned question, woman...", I truly adore the fact that I get a /say/ in things. Rich always seems to have his own idea of how things will go, and just assumes I'm along for the ride. It's a breath of beautiful, cool, crisp, clean, fresh air. And I love it.
And Richard has already hung himself. Poor fool doesn't even truly realise it. Bastard decided he was going to dump me the Friday after he got here. After how much I've been wrestling with how to compromise these two loves, that was the worst thing he could have done for himself, but he did it. And now, he's on probation to prove to me I /should/ take him back. I've told him as much, but he doesn't seem to be taking it seriously. I'm watching him, and I'm not seeing a great show of effort, which I will use to sign his gravestone if he does not straighten up very quickly, and very straight. Unfortunately, it's hard to teach and old dog new tricks, and what I've been trying to do in three years isn't likely to change in a matter of weeks, but if it doesn't, the blame will fall on his shoulders, not mine.
-sighs- We're talking about moving cross country. Either I'm going to Seattle, or Washington, or she's moving here. One of us is going to do a serious uplift for this, and my concern is that we make the right decision. I'm a shite person for money, so it would be a fool's bargain to move to Washington for the sake of moving to Washington, only to scrape out a miserable, bohemian existence in Puget Sound, when we could be living far better living out on Willoughby Spitt. That's why I like it here -- the necessities are present, anything else is not that far away, it's right on the shore for beautiful (CHEAP) beach living, and the rent is very good. For someone that is working part time at Wendy's, it's not too shabby. OV used to be a really bad neighborhood, so it's a bit of a well-kept secret, and I like it that way. This is a nice, cozy little spot, and I want to make sure that wherever we go will be better, not worse. That just requires us doing our homework, and we've a year to do that...
And for more irony, my godmother's moved into town. She and Paul are looking to see if they can get me a better job at the Green Parrot, and that will be AMAZING if it goes down. She's also talking about helping me get Gabe back at a vet, and even getting a car. All of which will require the better job first, but they're JUST down the street from me, and that's a guaranteed ride while I'm saving up. If it goes through, I could be looking at a SERIOUS life improvement, Cookie notwithstanding, which is really what I need right now. I also applied for FAFSA to see what kind of money I can get from the government to work on my degree, and that's another step to getting my education done, and getting an even BETTER job. This could be the big break I need, and it looks like Rich isn't going to be doing his part to stick with me until things get better, but Joanne will. Really!
-sighs- So much is going on right now... I'm watching a lot of big puzzle pieces coming down from the sky, and while they haven't been put into place yet, I'm anxious. In a good way, mind, but change is always hard. I'm trying to arm myself, because this is going to get really rough, but if I can weather the storm, some good things are headed my way.
I'm just worried about how I'm going to pay for them.