Audrey's History assignment: Parody of the Declaration of Independence
Declaration of the Messy Room
Introduction:
When in the Course of Teenage events it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the political bands which have connected them to chores and other household rules and assume among the powers of the household a separate and equal bedroom, a decent respect to the opinions of Parentkind requires that they should declare the causes of said separation.
I hold these truths to be self evident, that all bedrooms are created equal, and are endowed to brew one big unalienable Mess. That among this mess may be lego bricks, laundry, stuffed animals, and other trash of all kinds. That to secure this Right, one may lay out yarn for the cat to cause mass destruction with and increase said mess. That whenever any form of parenthood becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the daughter to complain about, or oppose said Parental laws. But when one’s parents become immune to ones whines and complaints, and/or threatens ones mess and/or belongings with a trash bag and a rake, it is the daughter’s right to attempt to get off the hook. Such has been the obnoxious and loud suffering of this teenager, and such is now the need to change the household rules.
Grievances:
• I like the mess. It discourages certain little brothers from entering.
• You hardly get on said brothers’ tails as much as you get on mine about the mess.
• Your room is not sparkling either.
• Said little brothers are also partially responsible for the mess.
• I’m a pack rat, for crying out loud!
In every event in which one is forced to clean up one’s mess, I have tried to explain this in most humble terms; my repeated attempts have all resulted in loss of privilege(s) including, but not limited to:
• Loss of DS
• Loss of computer use
• Loss of meal opportunities
• Loss of reading material
• Loss of Tamagotchis or other digital pets
So I, the sole representative of my Room and Mess, Overlord of the Armchair in said Room, appealing to the supreme Parental Judges for the rectitude of my intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of Me, solemnly, on printer paper, publish and declare, That this Room is, and of Right, ought to be, a Free and Independent Mess. That this room is absolved from all allegiance to the Parental Crown, and that all political connection between the two is, and ought to be, totally desolved; and that as a free and independent mess, has full power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, and to do all other Acts and Things which a mess may of right do.
Introduction:
When in the Course of Teenage events it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the political bands which have connected them to chores and other household rules and assume among the powers of the household a separate and equal bedroom, a decent respect to the opinions of Parentkind requires that they should declare the causes of said separation.
I hold these truths to be self evident, that all bedrooms are created equal, and are endowed to brew one big unalienable Mess. That among this mess may be lego bricks, laundry, stuffed animals, and other trash of all kinds. That to secure this Right, one may lay out yarn for the cat to cause mass destruction with and increase said mess. That whenever any form of parenthood becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the daughter to complain about, or oppose said Parental laws. But when one’s parents become immune to ones whines and complaints, and/or threatens ones mess and/or belongings with a trash bag and a rake, it is the daughter’s right to attempt to get off the hook. Such has been the obnoxious and loud suffering of this teenager, and such is now the need to change the household rules.
Grievances:
• I like the mess. It discourages certain little brothers from entering.
• You hardly get on said brothers’ tails as much as you get on mine about the mess.
• Your room is not sparkling either.
• Said little brothers are also partially responsible for the mess.
• I’m a pack rat, for crying out loud!
In every event in which one is forced to clean up one’s mess, I have tried to explain this in most humble terms; my repeated attempts have all resulted in loss of privilege(s) including, but not limited to:
• Loss of DS
• Loss of computer use
• Loss of meal opportunities
• Loss of reading material
• Loss of Tamagotchis or other digital pets
So I, the sole representative of my Room and Mess, Overlord of the Armchair in said Room, appealing to the supreme Parental Judges for the rectitude of my intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of Me, solemnly, on printer paper, publish and declare, That this Room is, and of Right, ought to be, a Free and Independent Mess. That this room is absolved from all allegiance to the Parental Crown, and that all political connection between the two is, and ought to be, totally desolved; and that as a free and independent mess, has full power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, and to do all other Acts and Things which a mess may of right do.