Random Thoughts while Lying Awake
My husband is washing his face, and we're laughing about when he can retire. It's dark and my comforter is snuggly. It suddenly hits me as he says "Not til I'm fifty probably!" and I realize... he's thirteen years older than me. I don't really think about it much. But when he's fifty, I'll still be in my thirties. In other words.... it's almost guaranteed that there will be a large part of my life when I'm alive and he isn't. When I won't see that adorable goofy smile. Or hear him singing as we make crepes together. Or joke with him, and come up with more and more ridiculous nicknames for one another.
Isn't it strange how marriage works?
When I didn't have him, I wanted him beyond words or anything. Then I got him, and I wasn't sure if he was REALLY what I wanted. Then I suddenly knew he was. He's everything I want. I can't imagine life without him.
Now, seven years since we started dating, five and a half since we got married, we just get cuter. Our favourite nicknames for one another make almost no sense to anyone else, and we each make up silly songs all the time just to elicit a smile.
He distracts me in my convulated thoughts of how much he means to me by asking whether I try and form solutions in my pre-sleeping mind. I tell him I simply narrate and experience emotion.
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The cats are fighting. Beeboo tends to bark with rage when Ro bugs him. Ro, barked at, lifts his little voice in quavering sad songs, mourning his beloved brother, and asking the universe plaintively why Bee doesn't love him as deeply as Ro loves Bee. Cats are silly.
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Today, a squirrel made me laugh so hard I cried. I've been giving them peanuts to amuse the kitties, who sit in the window and gape at the furry black snuffly-faces whiffling around the ledge. Today, one seized a peanut, and stood a moment on the edge of our porch. Then LEAPT like a wild ninja, peanut in mouth, and go POOF into a snowbank. I have to assume he was trying to bury his nut. The enraged black snowey face popped out, nut in mouth, time and again to dive back, evidently scrabbling at hard ground. The futility and the sheer anger the little furball emitted had me howling. Poor bugger had to sit and just eat. QQ.
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My paper is closer to being done. This is good. Online is fun. The various contrived situations bore me right now, perhaps because life itself is stressful enough without elaborately diving ways to stress myself out further.
********
The world is filled with noobs.
Isn't it strange how marriage works?
When I didn't have him, I wanted him beyond words or anything. Then I got him, and I wasn't sure if he was REALLY what I wanted. Then I suddenly knew he was. He's everything I want. I can't imagine life without him.
Now, seven years since we started dating, five and a half since we got married, we just get cuter. Our favourite nicknames for one another make almost no sense to anyone else, and we each make up silly songs all the time just to elicit a smile.
He distracts me in my convulated thoughts of how much he means to me by asking whether I try and form solutions in my pre-sleeping mind. I tell him I simply narrate and experience emotion.
********
The cats are fighting. Beeboo tends to bark with rage when Ro bugs him. Ro, barked at, lifts his little voice in quavering sad songs, mourning his beloved brother, and asking the universe plaintively why Bee doesn't love him as deeply as Ro loves Bee. Cats are silly.
********
Today, a squirrel made me laugh so hard I cried. I've been giving them peanuts to amuse the kitties, who sit in the window and gape at the furry black snuffly-faces whiffling around the ledge. Today, one seized a peanut, and stood a moment on the edge of our porch. Then LEAPT like a wild ninja, peanut in mouth, and go POOF into a snowbank. I have to assume he was trying to bury his nut. The enraged black snowey face popped out, nut in mouth, time and again to dive back, evidently scrabbling at hard ground. The futility and the sheer anger the little furball emitted had me howling. Poor bugger had to sit and just eat. QQ.
********
My paper is closer to being done. This is good. Online is fun. The various contrived situations bore me right now, perhaps because life itself is stressful enough without elaborately diving ways to stress myself out further.
********
The world is filled with noobs.