(no subject)
All you jerks who complain about not being in college anymore can think about me this week. What's going on is nothing I wouldn't have been able to handle had I started it remotely ahead of time, but surprise surprise, I didn't.
It was a horrible weekend. A horrible weekend that should have been incredible, as I had Saturday off and Sunday was Josh and my six-month. I'll write about it in depth later, but I'll just say now that I am so getting off the pill. Because as much as I love worry-free, spontaneous sex, I am completely out of my mind right now. Nightmare girlfriend style. I haven't felt this out of control since I was on it for the first time, when I was with Clark. I'm sure it has something to do with the stress of finals, but I refuse to risk my relationship with Josh anymore. I woke up Tuesday morning at about 3am after passing out at 8pm (after throwing up half a bottle of 99 Bananas) and literally was about to cut myself, something I've never seriously considered before.
(Just so you know - Josh and I are fine now. He's so amazing in every way, sometimes I actually can't believe it.)
I feel like I've exhausted every common form of birth control because something in my body just rejects the shit out of it. Grace told me to consider an IUD, but apparently they're like $300 (Apparently also though, they might be covered by insurance, so I'm going to have to look into it) and Dani suggested diaphragms. So as soon as I'm done with school (next Tuesday, thank God) I'm going to look into these options (if you guys have any other suggestions, please let me know).
On Tuesday during Jazz I had a panic attack and had to leave, and I couldn't get over it in time to go to my last Gender&Representation class, something I actually regret. That was the one class I've had in years that I actually looked forward to going to - and the one class in which I feel like my teacher actually appreciated me. I sent her an email explaining why I wasn't there, and received the following message back:
Hi Katherine,
I'm sorry you couldn't make it, too. I really enjoyed your presence in the
class and your writing, too. You are a smart woman, Katherine. Good luck
to you in sorting out that which impedes you from accessing your education
more completely-- I know it's a minefield out there.
Sally
Hm. I guess....just another person to realize what a goddamned underachiever I am.
School sucks.
It was a horrible weekend. A horrible weekend that should have been incredible, as I had Saturday off and Sunday was Josh and my six-month. I'll write about it in depth later, but I'll just say now that I am so getting off the pill. Because as much as I love worry-free, spontaneous sex, I am completely out of my mind right now. Nightmare girlfriend style. I haven't felt this out of control since I was on it for the first time, when I was with Clark. I'm sure it has something to do with the stress of finals, but I refuse to risk my relationship with Josh anymore. I woke up Tuesday morning at about 3am after passing out at 8pm (after throwing up half a bottle of 99 Bananas) and literally was about to cut myself, something I've never seriously considered before.
(Just so you know - Josh and I are fine now. He's so amazing in every way, sometimes I actually can't believe it.)
I feel like I've exhausted every common form of birth control because something in my body just rejects the shit out of it. Grace told me to consider an IUD, but apparently they're like $300 (Apparently also though, they might be covered by insurance, so I'm going to have to look into it) and Dani suggested diaphragms. So as soon as I'm done with school (next Tuesday, thank God) I'm going to look into these options (if you guys have any other suggestions, please let me know).
On Tuesday during Jazz I had a panic attack and had to leave, and I couldn't get over it in time to go to my last Gender&Representation class, something I actually regret. That was the one class I've had in years that I actually looked forward to going to - and the one class in which I feel like my teacher actually appreciated me. I sent her an email explaining why I wasn't there, and received the following message back:
Hi Katherine,
I'm sorry you couldn't make it, too. I really enjoyed your presence in the
class and your writing, too. You are a smart woman, Katherine. Good luck
to you in sorting out that which impedes you from accessing your education
more completely-- I know it's a minefield out there.
Sally
Hm. I guess....just another person to realize what a goddamned underachiever I am.
School sucks.