Lost in the Suburbs: A Tale of Two C(K)ats
Sounds like the title to a horror film, doesn't it? D: Fortunately for me, I am not the newest co-star of some horribly over-gorified (that's the scientific term for it) blockbuster but rather, I am the survivor of a near heart-attack. What does this have to do with suburban California? What does this have to do with anything, really? All good questions...both of them! I realize I'm metaphorically driving on endless roundabouts, but there is a point to all this blabbering. Today, Pippin ran away.
I know, I know, you're all thinking: "Kat! You poor thing! How ever are you coping?!" or "Dear me! Such a brave young cat, Pippin was, to take on the cul-de-sac!" or even "OH THE HUMANITY!" and a couple hours ago, I was right there with you. Right there. ..No, a little more to the left. Yess, there. That's the spot. You see, whilst I was snoozing soundly in sleepy snoofest land, my mother was out in the backyard weed-whacking or somesuch nonsense. And whilst she was taming beasts of the garden variety, she apparently forgot that a certain feline was not meant to be let out and a certain door was wide open. So, Pippin donned his traveling cloak (i wish he had a traveling cloak) and dashed off to uncharted territory. I don't know how long he was left unattended (ignored, forgotten, cast-off, etc...) but it was long enough. Mother came inside blubbering and such, and the frantic hunt for Pippin began. We drove around the block, myself as stoic as a stoic thing on stoic tablets. For one, my snooze had ended early. My mood quickly darkened as my kitty kat was nowhere to be found. We drove all abouts, all the while my mother kept professing how sorry she was, she was only gone a minute, etc, etc, "he's probably playing with the neighbor cat!" ...Right. Like Pippin has ever played with the neighbor cat. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know we have neighbor cats!
My sulking continued in the form of speaking monosyllabically with my mother, wallowing on my bed, and then taking a shower. I kept thinking I'd heard his little cat bell somewhere down the hall, then I'd dash off to find him, only to be greeted with Tigger dozing uselessly on the couch. With my hopes dashed, I threw myself a pity party, table for one, and drooled into my pillow. The stupid cat had only been gone an hour and already I felt more dejected than if I'd learned a few toes needed to be amputated (ew.) As I sat in my room doing little of anything, I heard some squealing of the motherly variety, followed by a shrill cry of "Pippin!" then "KAT COME HERE KAT KAAAT PIPPIN EEE" Granted, I knew this was all very good news because why else would my mother be squawking about the cat if he hadn't returned home? So, hooray he's home! But, I was then suddenly miffed about the pre-pubescent tone my 50 something year old mother had just adopted---naturally once the cat was back, I could once more project all my annoyances on her. The fact of the matter was, Pippin was laying in the hedge outside our house, mewing and scuffling about. Stupid animal. I went out front, glaring at him for giving me heart palpitations, sadness and a mild form of depression. He skittered out of the bushes, all dusty and quite pleased with himself---idiot. He pranced off into the house and immediately started meowing and mewling needily. I gathered his furry fat self into my arms and snuggled the bejeezus out of him, that is, until he started spitting and I had to put him down. (...not in the euphemistic ((holy crap thats a real word!)) sense! I literally set him on the floor. silly Reader, why would I slay my own Pips!? Stupid.)
Do want to know the first thing this cat of mine wanted now that he was back inside and top feline? He had to poo. The stupid (I swear this is the only adjective that can properly describe him, well, that and fat.) cat went to the garage door and began whining to be let outside to his litter box. I swear, he's outside for half the day* and all he wants is to go to the piddly diddly department. HE WAS OUTSIDE! Isn't that what flower-beds are for!? I swear, I couldn't have picked a more frustrating specimen for a pet. Here I thought he was roaming the streets, hot and hungry and lonely and maybe even food for vultures, when in reality he was probably in the neighbor's garden having a big laugh. THE LAUGH'S ON YOU PIPPIN. ..Welcome home :)
* exaggeration
I know, I know, you're all thinking: "Kat! You poor thing! How ever are you coping?!" or "Dear me! Such a brave young cat, Pippin was, to take on the cul-de-sac!" or even "OH THE HUMANITY!" and a couple hours ago, I was right there with you. Right there. ..No, a little more to the left. Yess, there. That's the spot. You see, whilst I was snoozing soundly in sleepy snoofest land, my mother was out in the backyard weed-whacking or somesuch nonsense. And whilst she was taming beasts of the garden variety, she apparently forgot that a certain feline was not meant to be let out and a certain door was wide open. So, Pippin donned his traveling cloak (i wish he had a traveling cloak) and dashed off to uncharted territory. I don't know how long he was left unattended (ignored, forgotten, cast-off, etc...) but it was long enough. Mother came inside blubbering and such, and the frantic hunt for Pippin began. We drove around the block, myself as stoic as a stoic thing on stoic tablets. For one, my snooze had ended early. My mood quickly darkened as my kitty kat was nowhere to be found. We drove all abouts, all the while my mother kept professing how sorry she was, she was only gone a minute, etc, etc, "he's probably playing with the neighbor cat!" ...Right. Like Pippin has ever played with the neighbor cat. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know we have neighbor cats!
My sulking continued in the form of speaking monosyllabically with my mother, wallowing on my bed, and then taking a shower. I kept thinking I'd heard his little cat bell somewhere down the hall, then I'd dash off to find him, only to be greeted with Tigger dozing uselessly on the couch. With my hopes dashed, I threw myself a pity party, table for one, and drooled into my pillow. The stupid cat had only been gone an hour and already I felt more dejected than if I'd learned a few toes needed to be amputated (ew.) As I sat in my room doing little of anything, I heard some squealing of the motherly variety, followed by a shrill cry of "Pippin!" then "KAT COME HERE KAT KAAAT PIPPIN EEE" Granted, I knew this was all very good news because why else would my mother be squawking about the cat if he hadn't returned home? So, hooray he's home! But, I was then suddenly miffed about the pre-pubescent tone my 50 something year old mother had just adopted---naturally once the cat was back, I could once more project all my annoyances on her. The fact of the matter was, Pippin was laying in the hedge outside our house, mewing and scuffling about. Stupid animal. I went out front, glaring at him for giving me heart palpitations, sadness and a mild form of depression. He skittered out of the bushes, all dusty and quite pleased with himself---idiot. He pranced off into the house and immediately started meowing and mewling needily. I gathered his furry fat self into my arms and snuggled the bejeezus out of him, that is, until he started spitting and I had to put him down. (...not in the euphemistic ((holy crap thats a real word!)) sense! I literally set him on the floor. silly Reader, why would I slay my own Pips!? Stupid.)
Do want to know the first thing this cat of mine wanted now that he was back inside and top feline? He had to poo. The stupid (I swear this is the only adjective that can properly describe him, well, that and fat.) cat went to the garage door and began whining to be let outside to his litter box. I swear, he's outside for half the day* and all he wants is to go to the piddly diddly department. HE WAS OUTSIDE! Isn't that what flower-beds are for!? I swear, I couldn't have picked a more frustrating specimen for a pet. Here I thought he was roaming the streets, hot and hungry and lonely and maybe even food for vultures, when in reality he was probably in the neighbor's garden having a big laugh. THE LAUGH'S ON YOU PIPPIN. ..Welcome home :)
* exaggeration