(no subject)
i'm not saying things the way i want to say them. or thinking things the way i want to think them. i don't know where the disconnect is coming from.
there are always always decisions to be made. all the time. "what will i do today." "what will i eat for breakfast." but also decisions like "what will i do a month from now."
and they are all just really difficult for me. it's exhausting in a way i can't explain to other people. aversion is my natural defense mechanism. but it basically only exacerbates the problem.
how can i ever hope to make any progress this way. with anything. ever.
my thinking is so circular that the more i think about things, the more convoluted they become.
in other news this is my last week of being 19, and i feel nothing. i am already 37 anyway.
there are always always decisions to be made. all the time. "what will i do today." "what will i eat for breakfast." but also decisions like "what will i do a month from now."
and they are all just really difficult for me. it's exhausting in a way i can't explain to other people. aversion is my natural defense mechanism. but it basically only exacerbates the problem.
how can i ever hope to make any progress this way. with anything. ever.
my thinking is so circular that the more i think about things, the more convoluted they become.
in other news this is my last week of being 19, and i feel nothing. i am already 37 anyway.