(no subject)
my mother is a mess.
i am a horrible daughter and a horrible sister and a horrible person for not wanting to deal with it.
i kind of just like to pretend that nothing is wrong. because it's too big for me. i can't fix her psychological problems. i just look at her and think about ways to ensure that i never become that. i'll fucking empty my fucking glass daily if i have to - to make sure that i don't buy into the delusion.
nothing lasts. which is not necessarily bad. but it means that you can't invest yourself fully in anything unless you are willing to face the fact that someday you will probably loose it.
maybe i should just go fuck someone else who doesn't love me hahaaa.
i am a horrible daughter and a horrible sister and a horrible person for not wanting to deal with it.
i kind of just like to pretend that nothing is wrong. because it's too big for me. i can't fix her psychological problems. i just look at her and think about ways to ensure that i never become that. i'll fucking empty my fucking glass daily if i have to - to make sure that i don't buy into the delusion.
nothing lasts. which is not necessarily bad. but it means that you can't invest yourself fully in anything unless you are willing to face the fact that someday you will probably loose it.
maybe i should just go fuck someone else who doesn't love me hahaaa.