(no subject)
The other day I got woken up at six by the sound of someone torturing JuJu-Bee. (It sounds crazy but I know each of my cats' individual cries.) So, I jumped out of bed, my heart racing, and started tearing apart my room looking for him. I sleep in the basement, as does Nessa and Edie. I couldn't find him but the noises were still going on so I screamed, "Knock it off!", and it stopped. Then JuJu comes streaking by me and hides under my bed. Following him is my grandmother's cat, Missy, who takes one look at me and retreats the other way.
Okay, I've talked about Luda--who is Nessa's cat--and how evil she is. I was wrong. Luda is mean. Missy is evil. I don't know what her problem is, but every time she gets downstairs, she proceeds to attack and torture our cats. And her preferable victim is JuJu, who also happens to be her son. I mean, she is horrible. Luda, who has been seen attacking a full grown pitbull, hides in the ceiling when Missy comes around. And Missy deliberately seeks out the other cats. It's not like they harass her or anything.
I went back to bed. Now, JuJu is hiding under my bed. I fall asleep and then it happens again. So, I chase her out from under my bed but can't catch her, and get back in bed where my poor cat is still cowering, just trying to hide from her. This happens no less than three times. I can't catch her and I can't sleep because the noises that JuJu is making are making me physically sick. I've never heard a cat make noise like this before.
So, there I am, at like seven in the morning, standing in the middle of my room, crying hysterically because I am so tired (I had trouble sleeping the night before, as usual) and frustrated and scared. And then Missy comes sauntering out from under the bed where JuJu is crying and proceeds to rub against my legs.
I was furious. I wanted to kick the shit out of that cat and I am so against animal cruelty it's not funny. But I just picked her up and walked up the stairs with her, purring away in my arms. Until I get to the top of the stairs. As soon as I opened the door to the upstairs, she attacked. She cut my arms twice and sliced my forehead. I threw her out the door and then slammed it. Then I stomped down the stairs and coaxed JuJu--who was shaking so hard his teeth were clicking together--out from under the bed, got in bed with him, and cried myself back to sleep.
Okay, so I have a MySpace profile. Well, I mean who doesn't right? But, anyway, I was on it tonight and searching through the groups for BBW groups to join. They have so many. And what's more, they have major, major amounts of way hot guys in these groups. And I'm sitting there thinking, where the hell are all these hot, BBW-loving guys from, and why the hell can't I find one? It's nuts. OMG, like this one guy, I think he's from Italy, and he is drop dead gorgeous. And he worships big women. I'd help him get his green card any day.
Last night some guy IMed me. He found me on MySpace and he's from around my way. We're talking, and I check out his profile. He seems like an alright guy. Tall (6'7"), a bit chubbier than I tend to like (but I'd never say no because of that), and funny. We were having a nice time talking. Then the conversation turns to sex. He asked me what my kinks were and I said I don't have any major ones. I like to get rough and I like handcuffs and blindfolds, but, you know, a lot of people do. I asked him what his were. And he says, "Oh, I like it up the ass." And I was like, "Huh?" So, he tells me that he likes girls to use strap-ons on him. Then he asks if I've ever done anal. I was like, "No, I've never gone there. But I have always said, that if a guy wants to do it to me, he has to be willing to let me do it to him." So, he says, "Well then we're perfect for each other. Let's hook up. I'll let you stick it in mine and then we can work on sticking it in yours."
And then my computer flipped out and I got booted and he never IMed me back.
Look, I'm not knocking anal sex. Who am I to tell people what they should and shouldn't enjoy? It's just that it was a little bit shocking. I mean, he just says, straight up, "I like it in the ass." I've never had a guy--a straight guy--openly, upfront, admit that. I know that there are plenty of straight guys out there who like their asses played with, but they never admit it until you're in bed with them and you accidentally brush against their asses and instead of pulling away, they lean in.
So, yeah, that's been my last few days of excitement.
P.S. Edie you are fucking nuts. Love you lots!
Okay, I've talked about Luda--who is Nessa's cat--and how evil she is. I was wrong. Luda is mean. Missy is evil. I don't know what her problem is, but every time she gets downstairs, she proceeds to attack and torture our cats. And her preferable victim is JuJu, who also happens to be her son. I mean, she is horrible. Luda, who has been seen attacking a full grown pitbull, hides in the ceiling when Missy comes around. And Missy deliberately seeks out the other cats. It's not like they harass her or anything.
I went back to bed. Now, JuJu is hiding under my bed. I fall asleep and then it happens again. So, I chase her out from under my bed but can't catch her, and get back in bed where my poor cat is still cowering, just trying to hide from her. This happens no less than three times. I can't catch her and I can't sleep because the noises that JuJu is making are making me physically sick. I've never heard a cat make noise like this before.
So, there I am, at like seven in the morning, standing in the middle of my room, crying hysterically because I am so tired (I had trouble sleeping the night before, as usual) and frustrated and scared. And then Missy comes sauntering out from under the bed where JuJu is crying and proceeds to rub against my legs.
I was furious. I wanted to kick the shit out of that cat and I am so against animal cruelty it's not funny. But I just picked her up and walked up the stairs with her, purring away in my arms. Until I get to the top of the stairs. As soon as I opened the door to the upstairs, she attacked. She cut my arms twice and sliced my forehead. I threw her out the door and then slammed it. Then I stomped down the stairs and coaxed JuJu--who was shaking so hard his teeth were clicking together--out from under the bed, got in bed with him, and cried myself back to sleep.
Okay, so I have a MySpace profile. Well, I mean who doesn't right? But, anyway, I was on it tonight and searching through the groups for BBW groups to join. They have so many. And what's more, they have major, major amounts of way hot guys in these groups. And I'm sitting there thinking, where the hell are all these hot, BBW-loving guys from, and why the hell can't I find one? It's nuts. OMG, like this one guy, I think he's from Italy, and he is drop dead gorgeous. And he worships big women. I'd help him get his green card any day.
Last night some guy IMed me. He found me on MySpace and he's from around my way. We're talking, and I check out his profile. He seems like an alright guy. Tall (6'7"), a bit chubbier than I tend to like (but I'd never say no because of that), and funny. We were having a nice time talking. Then the conversation turns to sex. He asked me what my kinks were and I said I don't have any major ones. I like to get rough and I like handcuffs and blindfolds, but, you know, a lot of people do. I asked him what his were. And he says, "Oh, I like it up the ass." And I was like, "Huh?" So, he tells me that he likes girls to use strap-ons on him. Then he asks if I've ever done anal. I was like, "No, I've never gone there. But I have always said, that if a guy wants to do it to me, he has to be willing to let me do it to him." So, he says, "Well then we're perfect for each other. Let's hook up. I'll let you stick it in mine and then we can work on sticking it in yours."
And then my computer flipped out and I got booted and he never IMed me back.
Look, I'm not knocking anal sex. Who am I to tell people what they should and shouldn't enjoy? It's just that it was a little bit shocking. I mean, he just says, straight up, "I like it in the ass." I've never had a guy--a straight guy--openly, upfront, admit that. I know that there are plenty of straight guys out there who like their asses played with, but they never admit it until you're in bed with them and you accidentally brush against their asses and instead of pulling away, they lean in.
So, yeah, that's been my last few days of excitement.
P.S. Edie you are fucking nuts. Love you lots!