Daily Insults and spinning
Sometimes I wonder if people in other professions have to deal with insults on a daily basis. It's odd that I have chosen a job in which I am subjected to insults and threats from boys. I'd like to say that it's not JUST boys, that there are some fierce girls giving me a hard time, but it's just not true. The fiercest girls, the meanest girls, come into my classroom with a smile on their face, and seem to enjoy almost anything we do or make in art. AND I can't even retaliate, I'm supposed to stay calm, cool, and collected when they tell me I shouldn't even be a teacher or to F-off. Me, feminist fiery no-shit-taker on the streets, and I have to talk reasonably and calmly to teenage boys who have lost their tempers. Sometimes it drives me crazy.
Then again, sometimes I am amazed at the beauty and luck of my job--where I get to spend days with bright-eyed kids who are excited about their lives and their friends and sharing what they know. A job that lets me make silly jokes and wander around the room and talk to funny, smart, eager young people about life and art and random stuff. When I think about it reasonably, I always, ALWAYS feel like the kids aren't getting what they deserve. Like they are all, every single one of them, being pummeled into submission and inaction by a system that prefers they lose the sparkle in their eyes and doesn't give a crap what else happens to them.
I feel like I'm on fire and I don't know what to do with my theories, musings, bright ideas, frustrations, advice. I'm spinning around bouncing off walls, waiting to implode into nothingness or explode beyond the universe. I just can't seem to spin myself out onto a path that will take me where I want to go. Or maybe I'm spinning along the perfect path, but I just can't seem to accept that this is where I'm supposed to be. The blur of motion and desire and hatred for Bush keeping me blind to the satisfaction I should be feeling with my life and job. Stop this crazy train!
Then again, sometimes I am amazed at the beauty and luck of my job--where I get to spend days with bright-eyed kids who are excited about their lives and their friends and sharing what they know. A job that lets me make silly jokes and wander around the room and talk to funny, smart, eager young people about life and art and random stuff. When I think about it reasonably, I always, ALWAYS feel like the kids aren't getting what they deserve. Like they are all, every single one of them, being pummeled into submission and inaction by a system that prefers they lose the sparkle in their eyes and doesn't give a crap what else happens to them.
I feel like I'm on fire and I don't know what to do with my theories, musings, bright ideas, frustrations, advice. I'm spinning around bouncing off walls, waiting to implode into nothingness or explode beyond the universe. I just can't seem to spin myself out onto a path that will take me where I want to go. Or maybe I'm spinning along the perfect path, but I just can't seem to accept that this is where I'm supposed to be. The blur of motion and desire and hatred for Bush keeping me blind to the satisfaction I should be feeling with my life and job. Stop this crazy train!