Sometimes my life is just in a hole. And Eventually they go.
You know, a lot of times these days, the words in the great katie sutton often cross my mind and i think, "fuck this shit". I am so tired of school. I am so tired of my life. I am tired of having half hearted friends. And no boyfriend. I mean seriously! ( now I sound like grey's anatomy) I WANT A FUCKING BOYFRIEND. I mean despite looks and all, I think I would be a pretty devoted and awesome girlfriend. I'm not usually one to boast, but I'm not high maintenance, I can cook and bake, I'm intellectual, I have awesome boobs, I'm not needy, territorial, or or even expecting a lot out of the guy, so seriously, what is wrong with me? Why am I treated like damaged goods when there are girls who are tenfold more psychotic than I am????? I'll tell you what's wrong with me. I"m not fucking anorexic or have a completely outgoing personality like ms. omg shoes/ aileen. that's what's wrong with me. Sorry male population, that i can't have my fucking dd boobs and a size zero waist too. And I don't like to blabber out stuff before i even think. So sorry.
It's so painful to watch my roommates sometimes. They have this stellar boyfriends do all the right things that make it even more painful to watch. I think I'm a good person. But i'm not good enough. not aesthetically. not outgoing wise. I'm not enough. and that's all there is too it. I'm too boring. or i'm too ugly. or i'm too something. who knows. and i understand that. I get that the male population doesn't have any desire to have someone whose like me. I get it. I do. But even when I get it, even when I understand, It doesn't make me feel better. It makes me feel worse. and it just gets worse.
This is so retarded. I'm almost 20 and i've never had a boyfriend. How stupid is that? I mean I'm sorry I won't part my legs for the first person with a pair of balls i meet or anything but i think that the feelings should be mutual and I should haven't to give my body in order to prove my mutual feelings. So person with mutual feelings, where art thou? I'm getting tired of waiting for you. If you don't hurry up I may turn into the smelly old cat lady. And nobody likes the smelly old cat lady. Nobody. So please person with mutual feelings, wherever you are, please do hurry. I keep trying to bide my time by sewing, watching movies, and getting drunk, amongst other single person things, but I do get tired of waiting for you. I don't need to marry you. I just need to know that you are there. And if you don't hurry, I will adopt 10 cats and make them my life, while you will have missed your chance at meeting an amazingly intelligent person who isn't afraid to be nerdy, an actuary, and yet have a personality despite what all those fucking accounting vs. actuary jokes say (wanna, mess with me? try making me listen to yet ANOTHER actuary vs. accounting joke and I'll kick your ass).
And I hate how people tell you that college is so much better. it's not. It's even more fucked up than high school. It's like all the retarded crack head people suddenly become geniuses and the beautiful people are still fucking beautiful and the outcast people find themselves and a group of their own. But the outcasts of the outcasts, the truly introverted loners, are still without anyone. How wonderful.
ANd this is an open post. Who cares. I don't. Because will anybody read this or care anyways?
A clue: no.
:P
It's so painful to watch my roommates sometimes. They have this stellar boyfriends do all the right things that make it even more painful to watch. I think I'm a good person. But i'm not good enough. not aesthetically. not outgoing wise. I'm not enough. and that's all there is too it. I'm too boring. or i'm too ugly. or i'm too something. who knows. and i understand that. I get that the male population doesn't have any desire to have someone whose like me. I get it. I do. But even when I get it, even when I understand, It doesn't make me feel better. It makes me feel worse. and it just gets worse.
This is so retarded. I'm almost 20 and i've never had a boyfriend. How stupid is that? I mean I'm sorry I won't part my legs for the first person with a pair of balls i meet or anything but i think that the feelings should be mutual and I should haven't to give my body in order to prove my mutual feelings. So person with mutual feelings, where art thou? I'm getting tired of waiting for you. If you don't hurry up I may turn into the smelly old cat lady. And nobody likes the smelly old cat lady. Nobody. So please person with mutual feelings, wherever you are, please do hurry. I keep trying to bide my time by sewing, watching movies, and getting drunk, amongst other single person things, but I do get tired of waiting for you. I don't need to marry you. I just need to know that you are there. And if you don't hurry, I will adopt 10 cats and make them my life, while you will have missed your chance at meeting an amazingly intelligent person who isn't afraid to be nerdy, an actuary, and yet have a personality despite what all those fucking accounting vs. actuary jokes say (wanna, mess with me? try making me listen to yet ANOTHER actuary vs. accounting joke and I'll kick your ass).
And I hate how people tell you that college is so much better. it's not. It's even more fucked up than high school. It's like all the retarded crack head people suddenly become geniuses and the beautiful people are still fucking beautiful and the outcast people find themselves and a group of their own. But the outcasts of the outcasts, the truly introverted loners, are still without anyone. How wonderful.
ANd this is an open post. Who cares. I don't. Because will anybody read this or care anyways?
A clue: no.
:P