"I think I'll go out smiling..."
So, as I've remarked several times, my computer has been dying as of late and I took it in for a check up. The following is a re-enactment of my visit to the computer doctor.
The Death of a Laptop
A play by Katiria
ACT ONE:
[Scene: A quaint little computer repair office. Perfectly nice, perfectly respectable. SYSTEMS ENGINEER sits awaiting. Katiria enters.]
Katiria: Hi, is this the computer place?
SYS-ENG: Oh, hey. You must be Katiria. Yeah, you're in the right place. So you said there was something wrong with your...laptop?
Katiria: Yeah, it's been running really slow, providing it runs at all.
SYS-ENG: That doesn't sound good. Let's have a look at it.
Katiria: [Begins setting up LAPTOP] I should probably warn you one of the keys is missing. It kinda got ripped off a few years back by a dog.
SYS-ENG: Not a problem.
Katiria: Also, it does flash an error message every so often, which according to Google is a hard drive failure error.
SYS-ENG: Well, we'll sort that all out when we look at it. Is it done booting up?
LAPTOP: [Displays a "I am a happy and healthy laptop with nary a problem in the world!" message.]
Katiria: I swear it wasn't like that at home. And it didn't boot up that quickly.
SYS-ENG: Well, at first glance, it doesn't appear anything's wrong...I mean, you have a lot of files, so space is probably an issue...
Katiria: I know, but there's more going on than space issues. It wasn't starting at all and kept flashing hard drive errors.
SYS-ENG: Let's see about this...[Types some code.]
LAPTOP: OH YES, I AM FINE. EVERYTHING LOOKS NORMAL AND GOOD.
SYS-ENG: Everything looks normal and good.
Katiria: I assure you it isn't.
LAPTOP: DON'T LISTEN TO HER. I'M GOOD.
SYS-ENG: I mean, I can run some basic TLC scans and give it a tune up, but as far as I can see, your computer is just in need of some more space. Maybe you can just delete some files and add some updates.
Katiria: What about the hard drive?
SYS-ENG: I'm not seeing any indications of a failure at all, but I'll keep it and look at it later. I have to visit a client in an hour, but when I get back, I'll look more closely at the hard drive.
Katiria: Ok...thanks.
SYS-ENG: No problem!
ACT TWO:
[Scene: Katiria sits at home watching TV. Her telephone rings.]
Katiria: Hello?
SYS-ENG: Hi, this is System Engineer. I just wanted to let you know that I've been working with your computer and everything seems to be going alright. It's behind on updates, but I'm working on that right now. I'm not seeing any indications of viruses or hardware problems, so I think you should be good to pick it up tomorrow.
Katiria: Really? That's it? Because it really wasn't working for awhile there.
SYS-ENG: I've had it on this whole time and I haven't seen any signs of anything other than a laptop that's missing updates and almost out of memory. I think you'll find that once you clear out some file space, things will run smoother.
LAPTOP: [In background] HA HA HA HA. SUCKERS!
Katiria: What was that?
SYS-ENG: I didn't hear anything.
ACT THREE:
[Scene: The same quaint computer repair office. SYSTEM ENGINEER again sits, but doesn't look nearly so mirthful. His ASSISTANT is with him today, also looking perplexed and annoyed. Katiria enters.]
Katiria: Hey, I'm here for my laptop.
SYS-ENG: Yeah, about that...
ASSIST: I just don't get it. This shouldn't be happening.
Katiria: What's wrong?
SYS-ENG: Well, I put some serious thought into what you kept telling me about being certain there was something wrong with the hard drive. Initial checks showed everything was fine, but I had Assistant run another one and it turns out your hard drive is in HORRIBLE shape.
Katiria: I knew it!
LAPTOP: FUCK YOU, YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE.
ASSIST: There were so many bad sectors...we tried to fix them and retrieve data that's sitting on them, but we ran into other problems.
SYS-ENG: We tried to install Service Pack 1...but for whatever reason, we can't. It don't make any sense. There's nothing stopping us from installing it. Your computer just won't take it. We still can't figure it out. It's baffling.
LAPTOP: SERVICE PACK 1 CAN SUCK IT.
ASSIST: And if we can't install Service Pack 1, we can't install Service Pack 2, which means we can't salvage your hard drive.
LAPTOP: I'M FINE THE WAY I AM.
Katiria: So, what does that mean for me?
SYS-ENG: Well, either you need to go out and replace the hard drive completely or buy a new computer.
Katiria: What makes more sense?
SYS-ENG: Honestly? A new computer. It will probably cost about the same or more to keep this one going. We've managed to stablize it for the time being, but it's only a matter of time before it dies and can't be salvaged. I suggest you get an external hard drive, back everything up, and then look about getting a new computer.
Katiria: So...it'll only last a few more months, you're saying.
SYS-ENG: I'm saying it might limp along like this for over a year...or die tomorrow morning.
Katiria: Oh.
SYS-ENG: Also, I'd strongly suggest you get that external hard drive before you go home. It's seriously capable of going at any time. It's a guessing game now.
LAPTOP: SURPRISE!
[END]
... so yeah, my computer is in a precarious place. On one hand, it's been explained to me that it might still run somewhat for awhile yet, but then again...maybe not. I did as I was advised and am currently backing it up, but yeah. Uhm. So while I "have" a computer for now, the risk that any day now it might shut down or explode and never work again remains. I'll have to look into new laptops or "an early Christmas present", as System Engineer put it.
That being said, I'm gonna see about deleting stuff once I back it all up and getting what run-time I can out of it for things like "Sims" and "Left4Dead2" before it flatlines.
Speaking of Sims, how goes my little challenge, contestants? :X
The Death of a Laptop
A play by Katiria
ACT ONE:
[Scene: A quaint little computer repair office. Perfectly nice, perfectly respectable. SYSTEMS ENGINEER sits awaiting. Katiria enters.]
Katiria: Hi, is this the computer place?
SYS-ENG: Oh, hey. You must be Katiria. Yeah, you're in the right place. So you said there was something wrong with your...laptop?
Katiria: Yeah, it's been running really slow, providing it runs at all.
SYS-ENG: That doesn't sound good. Let's have a look at it.
Katiria: [Begins setting up LAPTOP] I should probably warn you one of the keys is missing. It kinda got ripped off a few years back by a dog.
SYS-ENG: Not a problem.
Katiria: Also, it does flash an error message every so often, which according to Google is a hard drive failure error.
SYS-ENG: Well, we'll sort that all out when we look at it. Is it done booting up?
LAPTOP: [Displays a "I am a happy and healthy laptop with nary a problem in the world!" message.]
Katiria: I swear it wasn't like that at home. And it didn't boot up that quickly.
SYS-ENG: Well, at first glance, it doesn't appear anything's wrong...I mean, you have a lot of files, so space is probably an issue...
Katiria: I know, but there's more going on than space issues. It wasn't starting at all and kept flashing hard drive errors.
SYS-ENG: Let's see about this...[Types some code.]
LAPTOP: OH YES, I AM FINE. EVERYTHING LOOKS NORMAL AND GOOD.
SYS-ENG: Everything looks normal and good.
Katiria: I assure you it isn't.
LAPTOP: DON'T LISTEN TO HER. I'M GOOD.
SYS-ENG: I mean, I can run some basic TLC scans and give it a tune up, but as far as I can see, your computer is just in need of some more space. Maybe you can just delete some files and add some updates.
Katiria: What about the hard drive?
SYS-ENG: I'm not seeing any indications of a failure at all, but I'll keep it and look at it later. I have to visit a client in an hour, but when I get back, I'll look more closely at the hard drive.
Katiria: Ok...thanks.
SYS-ENG: No problem!
ACT TWO:
[Scene: Katiria sits at home watching TV. Her telephone rings.]
Katiria: Hello?
SYS-ENG: Hi, this is System Engineer. I just wanted to let you know that I've been working with your computer and everything seems to be going alright. It's behind on updates, but I'm working on that right now. I'm not seeing any indications of viruses or hardware problems, so I think you should be good to pick it up tomorrow.
Katiria: Really? That's it? Because it really wasn't working for awhile there.
SYS-ENG: I've had it on this whole time and I haven't seen any signs of anything other than a laptop that's missing updates and almost out of memory. I think you'll find that once you clear out some file space, things will run smoother.
LAPTOP: [In background] HA HA HA HA. SUCKERS!
Katiria: What was that?
SYS-ENG: I didn't hear anything.
ACT THREE:
[Scene: The same quaint computer repair office. SYSTEM ENGINEER again sits, but doesn't look nearly so mirthful. His ASSISTANT is with him today, also looking perplexed and annoyed. Katiria enters.]
Katiria: Hey, I'm here for my laptop.
SYS-ENG: Yeah, about that...
ASSIST: I just don't get it. This shouldn't be happening.
Katiria: What's wrong?
SYS-ENG: Well, I put some serious thought into what you kept telling me about being certain there was something wrong with the hard drive. Initial checks showed everything was fine, but I had Assistant run another one and it turns out your hard drive is in HORRIBLE shape.
Katiria: I knew it!
LAPTOP: FUCK YOU, YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE.
ASSIST: There were so many bad sectors...we tried to fix them and retrieve data that's sitting on them, but we ran into other problems.
SYS-ENG: We tried to install Service Pack 1...but for whatever reason, we can't. It don't make any sense. There's nothing stopping us from installing it. Your computer just won't take it. We still can't figure it out. It's baffling.
LAPTOP: SERVICE PACK 1 CAN SUCK IT.
ASSIST: And if we can't install Service Pack 1, we can't install Service Pack 2, which means we can't salvage your hard drive.
LAPTOP: I'M FINE THE WAY I AM.
Katiria: So, what does that mean for me?
SYS-ENG: Well, either you need to go out and replace the hard drive completely or buy a new computer.
Katiria: What makes more sense?
SYS-ENG: Honestly? A new computer. It will probably cost about the same or more to keep this one going. We've managed to stablize it for the time being, but it's only a matter of time before it dies and can't be salvaged. I suggest you get an external hard drive, back everything up, and then look about getting a new computer.
Katiria: So...it'll only last a few more months, you're saying.
SYS-ENG: I'm saying it might limp along like this for over a year...or die tomorrow morning.
Katiria: Oh.
SYS-ENG: Also, I'd strongly suggest you get that external hard drive before you go home. It's seriously capable of going at any time. It's a guessing game now.
LAPTOP: SURPRISE!
[END]
... so yeah, my computer is in a precarious place. On one hand, it's been explained to me that it might still run somewhat for awhile yet, but then again...maybe not. I did as I was advised and am currently backing it up, but yeah. Uhm. So while I "have" a computer for now, the risk that any day now it might shut down or explode and never work again remains. I'll have to look into new laptops or "an early Christmas present", as System Engineer put it.
That being said, I'm gonna see about deleting stuff once I back it all up and getting what run-time I can out of it for things like "Sims" and "Left4Dead2" before it flatlines.
Speaking of Sims, how goes my little challenge, contestants? :X