Placations and Platitudes
Since it has been a recurring theme in my life lately, another post about death.
Whether it be the death of a loved one, an acquiantance, or even the death of a relationship, we all still go through the stages of grief and mourning. It is a naturally occuring part of life, and we all must deal with it at one point, and we all deal with thingds differently. But when we are the ones on the other side, attempting to comfort another in their time of grief, do we really do a good job of it?
Who are we really comforting when we say common phrases such as, "It is for the best/Things happen for a reason/etc etc"? Are we genuinely trying to comfort someone, or are we trying to make ourselves feel better when dealing with a grief stricken friend or family member and do not know how? Are we so uncomfortable just sharing in the raw emotion of grief that we need to dillute it by saying something, anything?
Or when we say, "They are in a better place now", who are we trying to comfort? Does it make US feel any better when others have said it to us in the past? Or does it makes us want to simply lash out irrationally at the person who could be so thoughtless as to think that WE would be better off without our loved one? They might be in a better place, but what about the ones left behind to pick up the pieces? That kind of comment may not be as helpful as it is intended to be at the time, sadly.
Theres also that wonderful saying about it getting "easier over time." Has anyone ever found it to get easier, or do we simply just learn to deal with the reality of it, and not let it consume us, as it does in the early stages?
Everyone deals with grief in a different way, and I think this may be why we rely so much on those little pearls of wisdom in these situations. Personally, I tend to sway from unbridled anger to internalizing EVERYTHING. I will completely and utterly shut down when in distress or anger, and nothing can bring me out until I am ready. Others tend to need touch, and those soft words to give them strength to keep moving through life. When it comes down to it, there really is no right or wrong answer for this, since everyone does have different ways of coping, and this is probably me just wallowing and bitching, but mabye sometimes a small smile,sympathetic glance, or light pat on the shoulder can do more than these words ever could. A shared moment of sorrow and understanding, without the need for a vocalization.
Whether it be the death of a loved one, an acquiantance, or even the death of a relationship, we all still go through the stages of grief and mourning. It is a naturally occuring part of life, and we all must deal with it at one point, and we all deal with thingds differently. But when we are the ones on the other side, attempting to comfort another in their time of grief, do we really do a good job of it?
Who are we really comforting when we say common phrases such as, "It is for the best/Things happen for a reason/etc etc"? Are we genuinely trying to comfort someone, or are we trying to make ourselves feel better when dealing with a grief stricken friend or family member and do not know how? Are we so uncomfortable just sharing in the raw emotion of grief that we need to dillute it by saying something, anything?
Or when we say, "They are in a better place now", who are we trying to comfort? Does it make US feel any better when others have said it to us in the past? Or does it makes us want to simply lash out irrationally at the person who could be so thoughtless as to think that WE would be better off without our loved one? They might be in a better place, but what about the ones left behind to pick up the pieces? That kind of comment may not be as helpful as it is intended to be at the time, sadly.
Theres also that wonderful saying about it getting "easier over time." Has anyone ever found it to get easier, or do we simply just learn to deal with the reality of it, and not let it consume us, as it does in the early stages?
Everyone deals with grief in a different way, and I think this may be why we rely so much on those little pearls of wisdom in these situations. Personally, I tend to sway from unbridled anger to internalizing EVERYTHING. I will completely and utterly shut down when in distress or anger, and nothing can bring me out until I am ready. Others tend to need touch, and those soft words to give them strength to keep moving through life. When it comes down to it, there really is no right or wrong answer for this, since everyone does have different ways of coping, and this is probably me just wallowing and bitching, but mabye sometimes a small smile,sympathetic glance, or light pat on the shoulder can do more than these words ever could. A shared moment of sorrow and understanding, without the need for a vocalization.