Month End Update - Dudes and Psycho Girls
I should probably be writing to myself more than once a month. I guess at the end of the month I have more downtime at work than earlier in the month, but still. The last month has been a little nutballs. Despite the early spring weather, I’ve been in a hibernation mode when I am home, spending hours in bed watching tv and getting little else done. Probably because when I’m not hibernating, I’m going out. There have been so many events lately, especially during the week, which is fun, but exhausting.
Some key notes:
We made it to the top 8 in the next season of cornhole, playoffs are tomorrow night! I’m excited, but kind of feeling like I wish we didn’t sign up for the new season that starts next week, just so I can have some Wednesdays free. It will be fun though, and some of the same people will be playing, so that’s nice. I kind of have a small crush on Lisa’s friend Josh, we chat and hang out at the games and he’s playing in the next league, but I don’t know if anything would happen past that.
That’s the problem right now, as usual, when it rains it pours… after months of enjoying being single and not really having a crush on anyone, there are three guys in my life that I’m actually interested in. I have a feeling that the universe thinks it’s really funny, and as of right now, I’m not sure I agree.
The online thing might possibly have worked, or at least has worked better than in the past. I went on two dates the first week of Feb when I quite possibly had a sinus infection and really didn’t even feel like going on the dates. I was not interested in either of them, they were nice and we had good conversation, but I found myself not caring what I said or how I looked or even trying to impress them, I just didn’t even care to be there. One of them was kind of pissed off when he got my email rejection, but at the end of the day I think it’s better to cut them off right away if you’re not interested instead of dragging it out and trying to make it something it’s not.
The third date didn’t happen until last week. I met Corey, who I’d been emailing for a while. He’s 28, lives in Teele, works for a wind turbine company, and likes to travel and hike. We had dinner at the Foundry and drinks at the Burren, then Sunday brunch at Johnny D’s and walked up to the Tufts observatory platform and talked there and on a bench in the middle of Davis for a while. And yesterday, when of course I was tired as hell and felt like I looked like a sleepy poodle, I ran into him at South Station and we chatted the whole way back. We’re supposed to be going to a comedy show on Thursday that I got free tickets to. I genuinely like him, I just don’t really know him yet, and we haven’t kissed yet. I get the impression that he is a really good guy, but I feel weird and I don’t know yet if I want it to turn into more or not, which I guess, is okay, since it really has only been a few days.
I definitely feel weird because I don’t know what this is supposed to be like, I don’t know how I’m going to act or behave, I don’t know that I totally defeated my past demons…it’s scary. I want to be able to trust myself, but I don’t know if I can yet. I also have settled into my single life and like it, which may be hard to give up, as much as I’d like to be with someone. I also feel weird because I cancelled therapy last night to go out, right when all this stuff is happening.
I cancelled therapy to go to Brett’s basketball game in Kendall followed by trivia at Ducali’s, which is exactly what I did last week when I didn’t have an appointment at all. Why? Because it was fun, because we won so we had a gift card to use, and because the third guy I sort of like would be there, Serena’s friend Tom, the trivia mastermind. We’re all going to the Harpoon fest this Friday together and we won 2nd place last night, and was given the gift card so that I’d show up again next week.
Besides all of a sudden having three great guys around that I feel like I’m going to end up having to make a decision between (at least between two of them based on how they act around me), I’ve been contacted by the ex from hell, Matt. Like really dude? He emailed me on the 15th to tell me he broke up with his girlfriend and to tell me I was right about predicting that. I thought it was perhaps the most awkward thing ever so I ignored it. Then last Thursday he emails me telling me that was awkward and that he wanted to meet up and get life advice from me. In an attempt to get him out of my life, and not really thinking clearly, I agreed under the condition that when I tell him I don’t want him to contact me anymore he has to respect my wishes and asked why he thought I could tell him things no one else could. He said it was because I wouldn’t bullshit him or tell him what he wanted to hear, but would tell him what he needed to hear, the truth. This was all prior to my date that night, and when I got home I sent him the following: “I think it’s weird that no one else in your life will tell you the truth. See you tomorrow.” The next morning, I received another email saying he didn’t need advice from me anymore but still wanted to meet up. I was like what the hell, you come storming into my life asking for help and when I finally agree to it, you’re too afraid to get it? So he said sure ok let’s meet up for advice, to which (after some consultation with Amanda and Steph at work) I said, you know what, nevermind, we’re not friends, go get therapy, a new job, a new roommate, be single and figure your shit out, good luck. I can’t believe I opened the door like that, but at least I slammed it shut again real quick, which is a relief.
When it comes to the guys, I guess all I can do is sit back and see what happens and I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I do have a therapy appointment in two weeks and I’ll see each of them once a week until then, which I do feel strange about, but hey, two are group settings and they are all just friends at this point, and hell, might even stay that way. I can’t get too caught up in the drama of it all and I can’t over think it. I need to take time for myself and take care of myself and just have fun along the way.
On the flip side, dealing with chicks is no fun either, which has been another overload this month. Four weekends of bridesmaid dress shopping and multiple group emails/arguments with Val’s bridal party have been annoying. I have successfully ordered both dresses, which I love. I don’t really even want to do anything with Val’s girls other than Caitlin, just because everyone is so opinionated and bossy. We’re going to end up spending way too much money because I have a feeling people are just going to go out and buy shit we don’t need and go crazy decorating. I sent two kind of bitchy emails regarding the fact that we are doing this for Val and need to do what she wants and another requesting receipts for expenses since I’m in charge of the expense worksheet. I know things will turn out well, it’s just a really annoying process when you’re dealing with chicks you barely know who give the impression that they know best and know everything.
Looking back over this I feel like I’m in high school, but I think these are legitimate things that I needed to get out so that I can clear my mind and end up making good decisions along the way. I shouldn’t be so worried, things will work out for the best of course.
Anyway, I should do work, another thing I’m not completely crazy about but learning to just sit back and do, or not do, depending on how much actual work I have on my plate…
Some key notes:
We made it to the top 8 in the next season of cornhole, playoffs are tomorrow night! I’m excited, but kind of feeling like I wish we didn’t sign up for the new season that starts next week, just so I can have some Wednesdays free. It will be fun though, and some of the same people will be playing, so that’s nice. I kind of have a small crush on Lisa’s friend Josh, we chat and hang out at the games and he’s playing in the next league, but I don’t know if anything would happen past that.
That’s the problem right now, as usual, when it rains it pours… after months of enjoying being single and not really having a crush on anyone, there are three guys in my life that I’m actually interested in. I have a feeling that the universe thinks it’s really funny, and as of right now, I’m not sure I agree.
The online thing might possibly have worked, or at least has worked better than in the past. I went on two dates the first week of Feb when I quite possibly had a sinus infection and really didn’t even feel like going on the dates. I was not interested in either of them, they were nice and we had good conversation, but I found myself not caring what I said or how I looked or even trying to impress them, I just didn’t even care to be there. One of them was kind of pissed off when he got my email rejection, but at the end of the day I think it’s better to cut them off right away if you’re not interested instead of dragging it out and trying to make it something it’s not.
The third date didn’t happen until last week. I met Corey, who I’d been emailing for a while. He’s 28, lives in Teele, works for a wind turbine company, and likes to travel and hike. We had dinner at the Foundry and drinks at the Burren, then Sunday brunch at Johnny D’s and walked up to the Tufts observatory platform and talked there and on a bench in the middle of Davis for a while. And yesterday, when of course I was tired as hell and felt like I looked like a sleepy poodle, I ran into him at South Station and we chatted the whole way back. We’re supposed to be going to a comedy show on Thursday that I got free tickets to. I genuinely like him, I just don’t really know him yet, and we haven’t kissed yet. I get the impression that he is a really good guy, but I feel weird and I don’t know yet if I want it to turn into more or not, which I guess, is okay, since it really has only been a few days.
I definitely feel weird because I don’t know what this is supposed to be like, I don’t know how I’m going to act or behave, I don’t know that I totally defeated my past demons…it’s scary. I want to be able to trust myself, but I don’t know if I can yet. I also have settled into my single life and like it, which may be hard to give up, as much as I’d like to be with someone. I also feel weird because I cancelled therapy last night to go out, right when all this stuff is happening.
I cancelled therapy to go to Brett’s basketball game in Kendall followed by trivia at Ducali’s, which is exactly what I did last week when I didn’t have an appointment at all. Why? Because it was fun, because we won so we had a gift card to use, and because the third guy I sort of like would be there, Serena’s friend Tom, the trivia mastermind. We’re all going to the Harpoon fest this Friday together and we won 2nd place last night, and was given the gift card so that I’d show up again next week.
Besides all of a sudden having three great guys around that I feel like I’m going to end up having to make a decision between (at least between two of them based on how they act around me), I’ve been contacted by the ex from hell, Matt. Like really dude? He emailed me on the 15th to tell me he broke up with his girlfriend and to tell me I was right about predicting that. I thought it was perhaps the most awkward thing ever so I ignored it. Then last Thursday he emails me telling me that was awkward and that he wanted to meet up and get life advice from me. In an attempt to get him out of my life, and not really thinking clearly, I agreed under the condition that when I tell him I don’t want him to contact me anymore he has to respect my wishes and asked why he thought I could tell him things no one else could. He said it was because I wouldn’t bullshit him or tell him what he wanted to hear, but would tell him what he needed to hear, the truth. This was all prior to my date that night, and when I got home I sent him the following: “I think it’s weird that no one else in your life will tell you the truth. See you tomorrow.” The next morning, I received another email saying he didn’t need advice from me anymore but still wanted to meet up. I was like what the hell, you come storming into my life asking for help and when I finally agree to it, you’re too afraid to get it? So he said sure ok let’s meet up for advice, to which (after some consultation with Amanda and Steph at work) I said, you know what, nevermind, we’re not friends, go get therapy, a new job, a new roommate, be single and figure your shit out, good luck. I can’t believe I opened the door like that, but at least I slammed it shut again real quick, which is a relief.
When it comes to the guys, I guess all I can do is sit back and see what happens and I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I do have a therapy appointment in two weeks and I’ll see each of them once a week until then, which I do feel strange about, but hey, two are group settings and they are all just friends at this point, and hell, might even stay that way. I can’t get too caught up in the drama of it all and I can’t over think it. I need to take time for myself and take care of myself and just have fun along the way.
On the flip side, dealing with chicks is no fun either, which has been another overload this month. Four weekends of bridesmaid dress shopping and multiple group emails/arguments with Val’s bridal party have been annoying. I have successfully ordered both dresses, which I love. I don’t really even want to do anything with Val’s girls other than Caitlin, just because everyone is so opinionated and bossy. We’re going to end up spending way too much money because I have a feeling people are just going to go out and buy shit we don’t need and go crazy decorating. I sent two kind of bitchy emails regarding the fact that we are doing this for Val and need to do what she wants and another requesting receipts for expenses since I’m in charge of the expense worksheet. I know things will turn out well, it’s just a really annoying process when you’re dealing with chicks you barely know who give the impression that they know best and know everything.
Looking back over this I feel like I’m in high school, but I think these are legitimate things that I needed to get out so that I can clear my mind and end up making good decisions along the way. I shouldn’t be so worried, things will work out for the best of course.
Anyway, I should do work, another thing I’m not completely crazy about but learning to just sit back and do, or not do, depending on how much actual work I have on my plate…