musings
a lot of what i've been thinking about and/or doing lately i can't talk about. Why? Because it's too early to do so. Saying any more than that would totally ruin the reasons for keeping quiet. But it's all i want to talk about at the moment. So i generally tend to say nothing. Which means i don't talk to anyone very much at all. For which i apologise to all who think i'm ignoring them. Which i am. But for good reason (i.e i don't trust myself not to go blurgh)
But not being able to say anything has got me thinking about whether or not that is just as good as lying... if somethigns done that no one knows about and the person who did it pretends they never did until they're going to tell others at a later date... is it lying by admission? or is it 'this is it. deal with it' worthy? And if it is lying then should you contnue with it or just stop and wait till that later date even if it means having to start from scratch again and not being able to do what you want to do. Which means settling for second best. Which is crappy.
And not being able to talk about it means i bottle stuff up and every now and then it feels like i just need to go "BOOM" but i can't so i bottle it up more.. which is either going to mean that when i can talk i'll go "BIG BADDAH BOOM" or i'll just not say much at all and everyone will think i'm retarded.
*sigh* i should just stop. really. But i had to let off steam otherwise i'd go "boom' at work and then they'd fire me.