(no subject)
the end of summer has been swooshing around me....
i'm not really looking forward to it.
not that the summer has been amazingly fantastic, but i just cant help but remember being holed up on the leather couch watching catchy 'innovative' prime time television all last winter.
i've been in a funny mood these past couple days. i need some sort of life change and i need it now. i've contemplated just packing up and moving, i've thought about changing professions, i convinced myself that art school is the way to go, i've thought about just disappearing for a while...just to see what would happen.
i need an excuse to run from myself again.
i was with my friend last night. he is one of my favourite friends. he is also dying. he's amazingly great at acting like he isnt sick and sometimes i wish he wouldn't. sometimes i can't help but remember that he is, in fact, dying. i've never had anyone outside of family die and i'm not sure how i will react when he does. it makes me incredibly sad and perhaps that is what spawned my revolutionary contemplative mood.
mike leaves next week.
mike and i have grown so incredibly close in the last while. he's one of the few in this area that i can say that i 100% adore and definitely the only one who doesn't annoy me.
and of course he leaves for school next week and i expect just being down for a few days after that. friends dont usually leave me. i'm the one who leaves him.
there's been some tension in my brain about simon lately. i hadnt spoken to him in about a week and i knew he was seeing some other girl. part of me is happy that he finally started dating some other girls though i wish he could've picked a girl that was at least mildly interesting]...but obviously i got jealous as well. i still have the pessimism that he and i will never last and that we will slowly grow apart from each other and be that great love that never was.
i need someone here to kiss me goodnight.
i have this thing with loneliness that seems incredibly immature in my brain and i'm horribly embarrassed that i can't be the happily independent woman i'm supposed to be.
i'm not really looking forward to it.
not that the summer has been amazingly fantastic, but i just cant help but remember being holed up on the leather couch watching catchy 'innovative' prime time television all last winter.
i've been in a funny mood these past couple days. i need some sort of life change and i need it now. i've contemplated just packing up and moving, i've thought about changing professions, i convinced myself that art school is the way to go, i've thought about just disappearing for a while...just to see what would happen.
i need an excuse to run from myself again.
i was with my friend last night. he is one of my favourite friends. he is also dying. he's amazingly great at acting like he isnt sick and sometimes i wish he wouldn't. sometimes i can't help but remember that he is, in fact, dying. i've never had anyone outside of family die and i'm not sure how i will react when he does. it makes me incredibly sad and perhaps that is what spawned my revolutionary contemplative mood.
mike leaves next week.
mike and i have grown so incredibly close in the last while. he's one of the few in this area that i can say that i 100% adore and definitely the only one who doesn't annoy me.
and of course he leaves for school next week and i expect just being down for a few days after that. friends dont usually leave me. i'm the one who leaves him.
there's been some tension in my brain about simon lately. i hadnt spoken to him in about a week and i knew he was seeing some other girl. part of me is happy that he finally started dating some other girls though i wish he could've picked a girl that was at least mildly interesting]...but obviously i got jealous as well. i still have the pessimism that he and i will never last and that we will slowly grow apart from each other and be that great love that never was.
i need someone here to kiss me goodnight.
i have this thing with loneliness that seems incredibly immature in my brain and i'm horribly embarrassed that i can't be the happily independent woman i'm supposed to be.