Fun with spam
I got one of those Nigerian scam letters in my e-mail (although it's from Jordan--supposedly--not Nigeria), which I usually delete on sight with the Yahoo spam report feature, but for some reason I actually opened this one.
Let the MiSTing begin!
(My comments in bold)
Dear Friend,
Compliments of the day,
Is that anything like catch of the day?
i hope this email reaches you in good condition.
Well, it didn't! It's all torn and wet and the print is faded! Use a better envelope next time!
My name is Kin River
*sings* Kin River, wider than a mile, I'll be crossing you in style someday...
an architect from Amman, Jordan. I have been
diagnosed with lung cancer and medical experts said i have barely six
months left to live, been admitted in the hospital since the last eight months
till date i can only pray for a miracle.
Okay, that run-on sentence makes no sense. Either he's lived two months longer than he was supposed to, or he's only got six left. Either way, I'm not buyin' it.
I have practically nothing left to
live for now as my wife has already deserted me long before my condition
deteriorated to this level.
And I suppose your dog is dead, your momma's in jail, you ain't got no money left for beer, and your truck was repossessed? Sounds like a country song.
Therefore i do not want you to be surprised at the nature of my
contact with you,
Not surprised a bit. I get spam and scam e-mails all the time.
the truth is that i
--am a sleazy, dishonest scammer looking to soak you for a few grand.
actually got your contact on the world wide web (www)
Is THAT what "www" stands for? OMG, I never knew! *gasp*
while i was in search of a trustworthy person for assitance.
I'd go in search of a spellchecker first, personally. And I wasn't aware that if you Googled for "trustworthy person" you'd get me. I feel so honored! :D
Basically i need someone sent by God,
--to forgive me for being a spooty scammer.
who will not be of any mischief nor take undue advantage of my present situation.
Taking undue advantage, huh? Like, say, YOU are doing to random people you e-mail?
Furthermore, i need your help/assistance concerning the sum of
$3,100,000.00 (three million one hundred thousand US dollars) i deposited in a
security and vault company.
OMG, look at all those zeroes! It MUST be legit! *gasp*
I want you to help me remit these funds from the security firm as i am incapable of doing it myself now.
Yet you're perfectly capable of e-mailing suckers on the internet. Nice.
Finally, i wish to tell you that after you might have
remitted/collected the funds from the security company i intend for you to use the funds for the following;
1. Porn.
2. Lottery tickets
3. Alien abduction insurance
4. Dukes of Hazzard memorabilia on eBay
5. Prostitutes
6. Soy bean futures
1. Pay for the expenses of my transfer on medical ground to a
specialist hospital, maybe in your country where i can get further and
better treatment.
Sure, come on over to the Mayo Clinic. It's not too far from here, and they probably have specialists who can evaluate your mental state to see why you're such a dishonest scumbag!
2. Make a charity donation to children dying from starvation and
diseases in African countries e.g Sudan, Somalia and Uganda.
Sure, it's always good to throw in some dying children to tug at the heartstrings of your potential victims.
3. Also to make a donation to the victims of the Asian Tsunami
disaster
Ooh, a recent script. I'm impressed.
4. Meanwhile 20% of the total funds will be for you, for your
Assistance.
20% of nothing is still nothing, asswipe.
I will wait to hear from you
--or any of the other 74,862,104 people I e-mailed with this exact same letter--
in order to give details on how you can claim the funds on my behalf, i am positive that this will not take too much of your time.
Your money, yes. But not your time.
As such i urge you to look at this duty as a call for service from God,
God doesn't look too kindly on con artists...
also a call to assist a dying man and at the same time a call to
put a smile on the faces of people in distress.
If you're dying, I'm Imelda Marcos' shoe shiner.
Best Regards SUCKAH!!!
kin River.
/end e-mail
*is easily amused*
*hits Yahoo 'Report as Spam' button*
*goes about her merry way*
Let the MiSTing begin!
(My comments in bold)
Dear Friend,
Compliments of the day,
Is that anything like catch of the day?
i hope this email reaches you in good condition.
Well, it didn't! It's all torn and wet and the print is faded! Use a better envelope next time!
My name is Kin River
*sings* Kin River, wider than a mile, I'll be crossing you in style someday...
an architect from Amman, Jordan. I have been
diagnosed with lung cancer and medical experts said i have barely six
months left to live, been admitted in the hospital since the last eight months
till date i can only pray for a miracle.
Okay, that run-on sentence makes no sense. Either he's lived two months longer than he was supposed to, or he's only got six left. Either way, I'm not buyin' it.
I have practically nothing left to
live for now as my wife has already deserted me long before my condition
deteriorated to this level.
And I suppose your dog is dead, your momma's in jail, you ain't got no money left for beer, and your truck was repossessed? Sounds like a country song.
Therefore i do not want you to be surprised at the nature of my
contact with you,
Not surprised a bit. I get spam and scam e-mails all the time.
the truth is that i
--am a sleazy, dishonest scammer looking to soak you for a few grand.
actually got your contact on the world wide web (www)
Is THAT what "www" stands for? OMG, I never knew! *gasp*
while i was in search of a trustworthy person for assitance.
I'd go in search of a spellchecker first, personally. And I wasn't aware that if you Googled for "trustworthy person" you'd get me. I feel so honored! :D
Basically i need someone sent by God,
--to forgive me for being a spooty scammer.
who will not be of any mischief nor take undue advantage of my present situation.
Taking undue advantage, huh? Like, say, YOU are doing to random people you e-mail?
Furthermore, i need your help/assistance concerning the sum of
$3,100,000.00 (three million one hundred thousand US dollars) i deposited in a
security and vault company.
OMG, look at all those zeroes! It MUST be legit! *gasp*
I want you to help me remit these funds from the security firm as i am incapable of doing it myself now.
Yet you're perfectly capable of e-mailing suckers on the internet. Nice.
Finally, i wish to tell you that after you might have
remitted/collected the funds from the security company i intend for you to use the funds for the following;
1. Porn.
2. Lottery tickets
3. Alien abduction insurance
4. Dukes of Hazzard memorabilia on eBay
5. Prostitutes
6. Soy bean futures
1. Pay for the expenses of my transfer on medical ground to a
specialist hospital, maybe in your country where i can get further and
better treatment.
Sure, come on over to the Mayo Clinic. It's not too far from here, and they probably have specialists who can evaluate your mental state to see why you're such a dishonest scumbag!
2. Make a charity donation to children dying from starvation and
diseases in African countries e.g Sudan, Somalia and Uganda.
Sure, it's always good to throw in some dying children to tug at the heartstrings of your potential victims.
3. Also to make a donation to the victims of the Asian Tsunami
disaster
Ooh, a recent script. I'm impressed.
4. Meanwhile 20% of the total funds will be for you, for your
Assistance.
20% of nothing is still nothing, asswipe.
I will wait to hear from you
--or any of the other 74,862,104 people I e-mailed with this exact same letter--
in order to give details on how you can claim the funds on my behalf, i am positive that this will not take too much of your time.
Your money, yes. But not your time.
As such i urge you to look at this duty as a call for service from God,
God doesn't look too kindly on con artists...
also a call to assist a dying man and at the same time a call to
put a smile on the faces of people in distress.
If you're dying, I'm Imelda Marcos' shoe shiner.
Best Regards SUCKAH!!!
kin River.
/end e-mail
*is easily amused*
*hits Yahoo 'Report as Spam' button*
*goes about her merry way*