You would not believe your eyes...
It feels like I'm dying again. People know, they DEFINITELY know, because I'm telling them. But nothing is happening. It still hurts. They know but they can't do anything. I'm not sure if they're trying or not. How can I tell?
Saying "You're okay" does not make me okay. Why should I believe you? I know what I feel.
Everything feels....heavy. Repetitive...but shouldn't I have expected that? It feels like...it isn't me. Like I'm asleep. Or I should be asleep. I know I wish I were. All the time. I cry every single day, at least once, usually for no apparent reason. I don't know....what's going on anymore...
I don't do anything. I mean...I don't play the piano. Or the guitar. I don't go for walks. I don't go out with my friends (if they still think of me that way). I don't even go to the library to rent movies. I just lie down. And...do nothing. Sometimes watch whatever shit is on TV. Just to drown something out.
I sort of want to start cutting again. I want a lot of things! I still want. I just don't have the energy to acquire. I never have energy. I am ALWAYS TIRED. Always, every day. I don't even feel like moving. I don't have the energy to lose weight.
I think being at this weight is a major factor in this depression. But you know what the stupid part is? I can't muster the...energy, motivation, hope to do anything. I can't move to exercise. I can't concentrate to diet. I don't even have the strength to become anorexic.
nothing is ever going to happen with me. Ever again. I just can't do anything to make anything happen. I can't MOVE. I can only lie down and feel. And cry and cry and cry.
Saying "You're okay" does not make me okay. Why should I believe you? I know what I feel.
Everything feels....heavy. Repetitive...but shouldn't I have expected that? It feels like...it isn't me. Like I'm asleep. Or I should be asleep. I know I wish I were. All the time. I cry every single day, at least once, usually for no apparent reason. I don't know....what's going on anymore...
I don't do anything. I mean...I don't play the piano. Or the guitar. I don't go for walks. I don't go out with my friends (if they still think of me that way). I don't even go to the library to rent movies. I just lie down. And...do nothing. Sometimes watch whatever shit is on TV. Just to drown something out.
I sort of want to start cutting again. I want a lot of things! I still want. I just don't have the energy to acquire. I never have energy. I am ALWAYS TIRED. Always, every day. I don't even feel like moving. I don't have the energy to lose weight.
I think being at this weight is a major factor in this depression. But you know what the stupid part is? I can't muster the...energy, motivation, hope to do anything. I can't move to exercise. I can't concentrate to diet. I don't even have the strength to become anorexic.
nothing is ever going to happen with me. Ever again. I just can't do anything to make anything happen. I can't MOVE. I can only lie down and feel. And cry and cry and cry.