The Story of Shane Part Three
So I am finally going to finish the Shane entry. Sorry to the people who have been wondering why I haven't finished. It has been a crazy few months, plus this is just hard to write about. But since Shaner-Baner's seventh birthday is tomorrow, I figure this was a fitting time to finally sit down and finish it.
I am just going to write to get it all out, I can't promise all of it will make sense, but I will do my best....
Now the next hour of my life was kind of a blur. The oxygen plus the lack of sleep and complete exhaustion that had taken over my body made it hard to concentrate. I remember Shane being rushed from the room and then I just remember bits and pieces. People were running out of the room, my doctor was suddenly gone and I still had no idea what was happening to my baby. My mom called my family and let them know what was going on and soon my dad and Becky(my oldest sister) were there. My middle sister Holly was still out of town. I remember my dad coming in and kissing me and telling me everything was going to be okay. Everyone went to go wait in the waiting room so they could try to figure out what was going on. Becky stayed with me and this was a huge deal because we were not close at all and she was doing everything she could to support me. Nurses keep coming in and out to check on me(Shane was stable at this point, but they had no clue what it was other than he couldn't breath on his own). All of the nurses kept telling me how beautiful Shane was and I finally lost it. I told the nurse I haven't even seen him. The nurse went and got a wheelchair since I couldn't feel my legs still and wheeled me into the nursery to see him.
I can not begin to explain what it is like to walk into a room and see your baby hooked up to all these machines. They told me that I could lightly touch him and to talk to him as much as possible. The security guard came in and gave me some polaroids that he took so I could have them with me in my room. Then they left me alone. I don't know how long I sat there rubbing Shane's hand and telling him how much I love him. But eventually the nurse came back and wheeled me back to my room.
They decided that they need to transfer Shane somewhere with a NICU and decide that he needed to be transferred to Valley Hospital. A little while later they wheeled Shane in, in a transporter incubator to let me say goodbye and with that they took him to the other hospital. Steve was going to go meet him there and stay at his parents since it was just down the street.
The staff came in and said that they were over capacity and wanted to know if I would be willing to move to a different floor since my baby wasn't there. I said that was fine and when they wheeled me to my new room, there were people actually giving birth in the hallway. My mom stayed with me that night on a cot and that made me feel a lot better. A doctor from Valley hospital called me that night to let me know that they had determined Shane has persistent pulmonary hypertension disorder. Basically, there is a valve in the heart that is open to the lungs when the baby is in the womb because they don't use their lungs yet. Well, when a baby is born and first cries, the valve closes and the lungs expand. Well, with Shane, this didn't happen and when he would breath, nothing would happen.
The next morning my mom went home to change and said she would be back in a bit. The nurses came in and said they were just waiting for my doctor's okay and then I would be release. I was incredibly anxious to get over to Valley hospital. My mom and my sister Holly showed up shortly there after, but it took until after 12 until I was finally released. Thanks Dr. Abramow for being on top of things! So we headed of to Valley hospital.
When we got there, we met with the doctor and nurses to find out what was going on. They were at the first stage for trying to help Shane. The best thing for him right now, was no stimulation what so ever, so that his body could rest and try to heal. Then they walked us back. My baby boy was laying on a table with so many wires and tubes coming off of him. Then they had earmuffs taped over his hear and patches taped over his eyes. My heart broke, all I wanted to do was hold him(something I had yet to do) and kiss him and make everything better.
After a couple of hours, my mom drove me back to their house, My parents said that I should stay with them until we knew what was going on. After a nap, my whole immediate family came over for dinner to be there to give me support. My sister Becky had looked up PPHN and printed out a bunch of information for me so I could find out more. She also told me I should make sure to spend as much time at the hospital with Shane as possible. She had a friend who had lost a baby and whenever they were in the room with him, his stats would raise. Also, after he passed, Becky's friend was so grateful that she got a little bit of time with him. So I decided I would spend the whole next day at the hospital.
Well, right before dinner the phone rings. It is the doctor. Shane got worst and they had to put him on nitrous which was the next stage. But she assured me not to worry to much yet. This is usually very successful. They will call me in a while to let me know how he is reacting to it. So we all start eating and talking and trying to get our minds off of everything. Towards the end of dinner the phone rings again. It is the doctor, she tells me to get down to the hospital right away, Shane is coding and they don't think that he is not going to make it. I get off the phone and start to cry. I tell my family what is going on and my parents through on coats and we leave for the hospital. I remember sitting in the back of my dad's car just sobbing and asking why is God doing this.
We got to the hospital and they let us all in the Nicu. This was the first sign that something was terribly wrong because only two people were allowed in at a time. We walked back to the farthest corner where they had Shane and there were about 8 nurses and doctors standing over my baby, trying to save his life. I don't know how much time passed, but they finally got him stabilized. Shane would need to me transferred to California to be put on an ECMO machine and that is where the closest one was. This was the last option available. If this didn't work, nothing would. They took me into the doctor's office where I had to speak to about four different doctors at Children's Hospital Los Angelos. I had to talk to them all and give my verbal consent for everything they need to do to Shane. I was not allowed to fly with him since I was still hemorrhaging badly and they said they couldn't risk something happening to me as well. Basically, as soon as Shane got there, he was going right into surgery, where they would have to insert a capillary into on the the major arteries in his neck and then hook him up to the ECMO machine which is basically a giant heart-lung machine. He would not ever regain use of the artery and hemorrhaging would sometimes happen, but we really had no other options. I gave my consent and they said that the were sending out a helicopter and a team to transport him. They would be there in a couple of hours. Steve and his family left. They got Steve a ticket so he could be out there when Shane got there.
When I got back out there, my whole family was there. I found out later, when they arrive and where going into the elevator, a group of nurses ran past them saying "He coded again, he's not going to make it!" and they knew they were talking about Shane. My whole family stood in the hall crying and preparing to say goodbye to the baby they never got to know.
We all sat around, praying, and just watching the nurses and doctors doing everything that they could to survive. Around midnight, my sisters and their husbands had to get going. Shortly there after, my parents and I could start to hear the sound of a helicopter approaching. A few minutes after that, as if in slow motion, the NICU door opens and in walks three men in jumpsuits with silver helmets and suddenly I felt like everything was going to alright....I jumped the gun a bit....
The three men where a respiratory therapist, a nurse and Dr. Garth. They were incredible. Dr. Garth sat down with me and truly explain everyhting. It was the first time I felt like I knew what was actually going on. While he was explaining everything to me, they started to move Shane into the incubator that they brought. With this, Shane coded again. After another battle, they stabilized him, but his stats still were not as high as they needed them. Dr. Garth informed me that when they get into the air with thinner oxygen, the stats always drop, so they need them as high as possible. They also realized that the resporatary on the incubator was malfunctioning, which means they all took turns hand pumping oxygen into my baby boy(they ended up doing this for almost three hours in Vegas and the whole flight back to California).
Well, after almost three hours, they couldn't get his stat any higher and it was time to make a decision. Dr. Garth and I talked it over. There was a very big chance that Shane would not make it through the flight, but if he didn't get out to California, he wouldn't live either. So made the hardest decision of my life and decided I would rather have my child die trying to save his life instead of just sitting there. Dr Garth gave me his personal cell number and got all of our numbers and said that they would call us as soon as the get to L.A. He gave a a huge hug and then I said goodbye to my baby, not knowing if I would ever get to see him alive again. I can not explain to anyone what this felt like. I would never wish that upon even my worst enemy. I left in a daze and I don't remember much about the car ride other than my parents saying that they truly felt that Shane was going to make it. Dr Garth was incredible and had just made us a believe he would save this baby.
We got home and went to bed. Well, I laid in bed and waited for my phone to ring. A short time later, the phone rang. My heart dropped. There was no way that they could be to LA yet. If Dr Garth was calling already, that could only mean one thing, Shane didn't make it. I prepared myself as much as possible and answered the phone.....
It was Steve. No one was there yet, what was going on. I explain everything to him. He decided to yell at me, how could I send our baby out there if he might not make it. I tried to explain, he continued to yell at me, I hung up on him. My parents had come in while I was on the phone, think it was Dr Garth, my dad looked like he was going to kill Steve.
So everyone tried to go back to bed. Forty-five minutes later the phone rings again. It's Dr Garth, they had land and Shane was already in surgery. he was going to go in with him, but just want to let me know what happened. As soon as they got into the air, Shane did the opposite of what has supposed to happen and had stabilized. He said it was almost like the angels were there with the little munchkin. I cried and thanked him so much for everything that he had done. My parents and had come in again and I let them know the news. We all breathed a sign of relief and went to get a couple of hours of sleep.....
I know I said that I would finish this today, but I can't. But I promise I will finish it this weekend...
I am just going to write to get it all out, I can't promise all of it will make sense, but I will do my best....
Now the next hour of my life was kind of a blur. The oxygen plus the lack of sleep and complete exhaustion that had taken over my body made it hard to concentrate. I remember Shane being rushed from the room and then I just remember bits and pieces. People were running out of the room, my doctor was suddenly gone and I still had no idea what was happening to my baby. My mom called my family and let them know what was going on and soon my dad and Becky(my oldest sister) were there. My middle sister Holly was still out of town. I remember my dad coming in and kissing me and telling me everything was going to be okay. Everyone went to go wait in the waiting room so they could try to figure out what was going on. Becky stayed with me and this was a huge deal because we were not close at all and she was doing everything she could to support me. Nurses keep coming in and out to check on me(Shane was stable at this point, but they had no clue what it was other than he couldn't breath on his own). All of the nurses kept telling me how beautiful Shane was and I finally lost it. I told the nurse I haven't even seen him. The nurse went and got a wheelchair since I couldn't feel my legs still and wheeled me into the nursery to see him.
I can not begin to explain what it is like to walk into a room and see your baby hooked up to all these machines. They told me that I could lightly touch him and to talk to him as much as possible. The security guard came in and gave me some polaroids that he took so I could have them with me in my room. Then they left me alone. I don't know how long I sat there rubbing Shane's hand and telling him how much I love him. But eventually the nurse came back and wheeled me back to my room.
They decided that they need to transfer Shane somewhere with a NICU and decide that he needed to be transferred to Valley Hospital. A little while later they wheeled Shane in, in a transporter incubator to let me say goodbye and with that they took him to the other hospital. Steve was going to go meet him there and stay at his parents since it was just down the street.
The staff came in and said that they were over capacity and wanted to know if I would be willing to move to a different floor since my baby wasn't there. I said that was fine and when they wheeled me to my new room, there were people actually giving birth in the hallway. My mom stayed with me that night on a cot and that made me feel a lot better. A doctor from Valley hospital called me that night to let me know that they had determined Shane has persistent pulmonary hypertension disorder. Basically, there is a valve in the heart that is open to the lungs when the baby is in the womb because they don't use their lungs yet. Well, when a baby is born and first cries, the valve closes and the lungs expand. Well, with Shane, this didn't happen and when he would breath, nothing would happen.
The next morning my mom went home to change and said she would be back in a bit. The nurses came in and said they were just waiting for my doctor's okay and then I would be release. I was incredibly anxious to get over to Valley hospital. My mom and my sister Holly showed up shortly there after, but it took until after 12 until I was finally released. Thanks Dr. Abramow for being on top of things! So we headed of to Valley hospital.
When we got there, we met with the doctor and nurses to find out what was going on. They were at the first stage for trying to help Shane. The best thing for him right now, was no stimulation what so ever, so that his body could rest and try to heal. Then they walked us back. My baby boy was laying on a table with so many wires and tubes coming off of him. Then they had earmuffs taped over his hear and patches taped over his eyes. My heart broke, all I wanted to do was hold him(something I had yet to do) and kiss him and make everything better.
After a couple of hours, my mom drove me back to their house, My parents said that I should stay with them until we knew what was going on. After a nap, my whole immediate family came over for dinner to be there to give me support. My sister Becky had looked up PPHN and printed out a bunch of information for me so I could find out more. She also told me I should make sure to spend as much time at the hospital with Shane as possible. She had a friend who had lost a baby and whenever they were in the room with him, his stats would raise. Also, after he passed, Becky's friend was so grateful that she got a little bit of time with him. So I decided I would spend the whole next day at the hospital.
Well, right before dinner the phone rings. It is the doctor. Shane got worst and they had to put him on nitrous which was the next stage. But she assured me not to worry to much yet. This is usually very successful. They will call me in a while to let me know how he is reacting to it. So we all start eating and talking and trying to get our minds off of everything. Towards the end of dinner the phone rings again. It is the doctor, she tells me to get down to the hospital right away, Shane is coding and they don't think that he is not going to make it. I get off the phone and start to cry. I tell my family what is going on and my parents through on coats and we leave for the hospital. I remember sitting in the back of my dad's car just sobbing and asking why is God doing this.
We got to the hospital and they let us all in the Nicu. This was the first sign that something was terribly wrong because only two people were allowed in at a time. We walked back to the farthest corner where they had Shane and there were about 8 nurses and doctors standing over my baby, trying to save his life. I don't know how much time passed, but they finally got him stabilized. Shane would need to me transferred to California to be put on an ECMO machine and that is where the closest one was. This was the last option available. If this didn't work, nothing would. They took me into the doctor's office where I had to speak to about four different doctors at Children's Hospital Los Angelos. I had to talk to them all and give my verbal consent for everything they need to do to Shane. I was not allowed to fly with him since I was still hemorrhaging badly and they said they couldn't risk something happening to me as well. Basically, as soon as Shane got there, he was going right into surgery, where they would have to insert a capillary into on the the major arteries in his neck and then hook him up to the ECMO machine which is basically a giant heart-lung machine. He would not ever regain use of the artery and hemorrhaging would sometimes happen, but we really had no other options. I gave my consent and they said that the were sending out a helicopter and a team to transport him. They would be there in a couple of hours. Steve and his family left. They got Steve a ticket so he could be out there when Shane got there.
When I got back out there, my whole family was there. I found out later, when they arrive and where going into the elevator, a group of nurses ran past them saying "He coded again, he's not going to make it!" and they knew they were talking about Shane. My whole family stood in the hall crying and preparing to say goodbye to the baby they never got to know.
We all sat around, praying, and just watching the nurses and doctors doing everything that they could to survive. Around midnight, my sisters and their husbands had to get going. Shortly there after, my parents and I could start to hear the sound of a helicopter approaching. A few minutes after that, as if in slow motion, the NICU door opens and in walks three men in jumpsuits with silver helmets and suddenly I felt like everything was going to alright....I jumped the gun a bit....
The three men where a respiratory therapist, a nurse and Dr. Garth. They were incredible. Dr. Garth sat down with me and truly explain everyhting. It was the first time I felt like I knew what was actually going on. While he was explaining everything to me, they started to move Shane into the incubator that they brought. With this, Shane coded again. After another battle, they stabilized him, but his stats still were not as high as they needed them. Dr. Garth informed me that when they get into the air with thinner oxygen, the stats always drop, so they need them as high as possible. They also realized that the resporatary on the incubator was malfunctioning, which means they all took turns hand pumping oxygen into my baby boy(they ended up doing this for almost three hours in Vegas and the whole flight back to California).
Well, after almost three hours, they couldn't get his stat any higher and it was time to make a decision. Dr. Garth and I talked it over. There was a very big chance that Shane would not make it through the flight, but if he didn't get out to California, he wouldn't live either. So made the hardest decision of my life and decided I would rather have my child die trying to save his life instead of just sitting there. Dr Garth gave me his personal cell number and got all of our numbers and said that they would call us as soon as the get to L.A. He gave a a huge hug and then I said goodbye to my baby, not knowing if I would ever get to see him alive again. I can not explain to anyone what this felt like. I would never wish that upon even my worst enemy. I left in a daze and I don't remember much about the car ride other than my parents saying that they truly felt that Shane was going to make it. Dr Garth was incredible and had just made us a believe he would save this baby.
We got home and went to bed. Well, I laid in bed and waited for my phone to ring. A short time later, the phone rang. My heart dropped. There was no way that they could be to LA yet. If Dr Garth was calling already, that could only mean one thing, Shane didn't make it. I prepared myself as much as possible and answered the phone.....
It was Steve. No one was there yet, what was going on. I explain everything to him. He decided to yell at me, how could I send our baby out there if he might not make it. I tried to explain, he continued to yell at me, I hung up on him. My parents had come in while I was on the phone, think it was Dr Garth, my dad looked like he was going to kill Steve.
So everyone tried to go back to bed. Forty-five minutes later the phone rings again. It's Dr Garth, they had land and Shane was already in surgery. he was going to go in with him, but just want to let me know what happened. As soon as they got into the air, Shane did the opposite of what has supposed to happen and had stabilized. He said it was almost like the angels were there with the little munchkin. I cried and thanked him so much for everything that he had done. My parents and had come in again and I let them know the news. We all breathed a sign of relief and went to get a couple of hours of sleep.....
I know I said that I would finish this today, but I can't. But I promise I will finish it this weekend...