Worth the Rush 4/?
Title: The Rush is Worth it. 4/?
Pairing: Kogan wootwoot
Rating: PG:13 to T ish... I'm not sure where I'm going with it yet.
Word Count: 2656
Disclaimer:I don't own the show, the boys, or anything in the world except my imagination.
“James. It's been a week. I'm worried. Please call me back.. or just come over sometime. You know my work schedule. I just... I miss you.. bye.”
Carlos sighed and snapped his phone shut. He knew he should probably just let James be alone and work things out for himself, but he was worried. He had called James multiple times over the past week, always getting to voice mail or just getting hung up on.
His dressing room door opened and he barely looked up as Logan slid inside.
“We have to be out there in like ten minutes.” Logan whispered from the other side of the room. Carlos lifted his head from his hands and looked at his best friend. He finally understood fully the awkwardness of the situation. Logan had been his best friend since elementary school. There was no way he ever thought that something like this could tear them apart.
“I think we're supposed to be fighting about this...” Logan said for him, voice still quiet and pained.
“Yeah... But I don't want to fight with you. I want things to go back to the way they were. When we could all stand being in the same room as each other.” sighing, Carlos patted the spot next to him on the couch. Logan stared for a minute and then sat down, staring at his knees.
“I just... I want to be mad at James. I really want to. And I want to be mad at you for helping him out. But I just can't bring myself to it. Maybe because Kendall is mad enough for ten people, I don't know.” Logan said, still not making eye contact.
“Yeah...” Carlos looked at the side of Logan's face, his eyes looked sad and his face was pale under the make up he had on for the scene.
A few moments passed where it looked like Logan might speak up, but he never did. The silence was unnerving to Carlos, who was used to joking and laughing whenever he was with Logan.
“James and I kissed.” Carlos said suddenly to break the silence. Logan's head snapped up and he finally looked at Carlos.
“Seriously? Like a real kiss?”
Carlos chuckled lightly.
“Like an amazing, pressed against the wall with his tongue in my mouth and his hands on my thighs kiss.”
They laughed and sat in silence for another minute.
“So are you guys like..”
“No.” Carlos' face went from happy to disappointed in a flash, and he sighed.
“I pushed him away. Told him that I wouldn't be his back up plan.”
“Back up plan?” Logan asked, eyebrows raised and a question in his eyes.
“He.. He's had feelings for someone else for a long time now. I really don't want to get in the middle of it all.” Carlos said vaguely, hoping against hope that Logan wouldn't put it all together in his brain.
But Logan always was the smart one, and Carlos could see everything come together behind his eyes.
“Well... that explains a lot of things.” he said quietly “I.. uh. I didn't know about that.”
“Are you mad?” Carlos asked, “I don't want you to hate him because of it, you know Kendall wouldn't ever... that he never...”
“I know, don't worry about that. Kendall and I have.. something special. A lot of shit would have to go down to tear us apart. I just wish this wasn't all so complicated. How did we get into this mess?” Carlos laughed dryly.
“Maybe it has something to do with four best friends all being gay. How does that even happen?”
They sat in silence again before Carlos felt Logan shaking next to him. He glanced over and frowned at Logan.
“What's wrong?” he asked, pulling a sobbing Logan into his arms.
“I just want everything to be right again.” Logan cried, burying himself into Carlos.
Carlos felt tears fill his own eyes as he rocked Logan back and forth. He wanted to straighten Logan up, tell him to stop crying, that make up was going to kill him for crying. He wanted to push Logan away and run. Run from the pain and the tears and the emotion and everything gnawing at his mind like a crazed rodent. But he couldn't push Logan away just because he wanted to push himself away. That wouldn't be fair to Logan.
They cried together until they were called to set. Make up threw a fit, but they couldn't stop smiling. Somehow, without saying any words, their friendship had grown stronger.
Logan unlocked the door to the apartment and swung it open, humming happily. He was happy he and Carlos were able to maintain their friendship with all of the things going on. Some of the people on set had been jerks, but Logan was never one to listen to jerks. He was just looking forward to making some tea and cuddling up on the couch with Kendall to talk about their day.
He was met by the object of his affection in the doorway to the living room. Logan smiled at Kendall but it faltered when he took in Kendall's tense posture and strained smile.
“Whats wrong?” he asked, reaching his hand out to stroke Kendall's cheek, the warm and loving feeling from all the thoughts of cuddling still running through his body. Kendall pushed his hand back down and stared at him sadly.
“I'm sorry.” he whispered, moving to the side so Logan could see past him.
The warm and loving feeling left Logan quickly, making him feel cold and angry.
“What did you do?” Logan hissed at Kendall unable to tear his eyes away from the sight of his parents sitting stiffly on the couch that he and Kendall had picked out.
“Logan honey! You're home!” his mom said cheerfully, finally spotting him. Logan smiled a little and waved halfheartedly. With one last glare at Kendall he walked into the room and hugged his mother. After an awkward moment he stuck his hand out and shook his fathers hand. Then it was quiet.
“I've missed you dear.” His mom said, holding onto his hand as if she were afraid he might disappear.
“I missed you too mom” Logan replied, surprised when the words rang true in his head. Then he felt guilty for feeling surprised that he had missed his own mother.
“What are you guys doing here? Not that I don't enjoy seeing you, but I wasn't expecting you...”
He saw his fathers eyes harden and he flinched.
“I called you a week ago. Your phone was disconnected. I left a message.”
Logan felt Kendall shift behind the couch and everything clicked in his mind.
“Well... Would you excuse us for a minute? I need to discuss something with Kendall in the kitchen.” He stood and turned to look at Kendall. They walked into the kitchen calmly, but as soon as the door swung shut Logan's fist shot out and hit Kendall in the chest.
“How could you do this to me?” Logan whispered angrily “you can't expect me to tell them this way!”
He hit Kendall again, either on the verge of screaming or bursting into tears for the second time that day.
“Christ Logan, I think you just inverted my nipple.” Kendall whined, rubbing his chest. “Look, you don't have to tell them, but I thought the maybe if we showed them how much we love each other then they would be alright with it.”
Kendall sighed and pulled Logan close to him, getting frustrated when Logan stiffened instead of melting into him like he usually did.
“They might come in here.” came the muffled response to his unasked question. Kendall pulled Logan's head back and kissed him gently.
“For strength” he whispered against Logan's lips before pushing him away.
“Go do whatever you have to do. I'll be in here.. cleaning.” Kendall said, head bowed to hide his sadness.
He heard Logan slide out the door and deflated.
The thought of Logan going out there and assuring his parents that he did not love Kendall... it killed Kendall inside. But he wasn't about to force Logan into doing something that he wasn't ready to do.
Kendall was aimlessly wiping the counter when he heard some muffled shouts. Logan's mom came rushing in through the door.
“Kendall... they're fighting.”she said, tear threatening to fall from her eyes.
Kendall pushed past her and followed the shouting to the bedroom. He could hear Logan's father yelling obscene things and his gut clenched. When he got to them he was filled with rage instantly.
Mr. Mitchell had Logan by his collar and was shaking him while yelling in his face.
Kendall pushed between them and managed to pry the fingers off of Logan's shirt. He pushed Logan away before feeling his own head snap back forcefully.
Logan cried out, watching Kendall hit the wall with the force of the punch.
“You will not touch me.”Mr. Mitchell yelled, moving towards Kendall.
“Stop it!” Logan screamed, making his father stop and turn to look at him.
“I was never able to stop you when I was a kid, but I am an adult now. You will not come into my home and harass me or the man I love.” Logan ignored the gasp that came from his mother in the doorway and continued “if you can't accept that then you should leave.”
“And if I don't want to leave or accept it?” Mr. Mitchell moved towards Logan, but Logan held his ground.
“It's one or the other.” Logan said staring into the eyes that had never held any affection for him.
“I will not have a son who is some kind of... queer.”
“That's right, you won't. As far as I'm concerned you're not my father. Feel free to leave.” Logan finally moved, leaving his father gaping at him as he went to help Kendall stand up.
“Come on Helen. We're leaving.” Mr. Mitchell said, turning and stalking out of the room. Logan's mom stared at them, tears falling.
“HELEN”
She sent one last look before scrambling out the door and into the living room.
“What happened?” Kendall asked as Logan led him to the kitchen.
“Apparently he went to use the bathroom, saw that there was only one bed, and flipped out.” Logan gently placed a damp towel on Kendall's eye.
“Then he found a picture of us and just started shaking me. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have you here.”Logan leaned forward and pressed him lips against Kendall's.
“Let's tell everyone.” Logan whispered, making Kendall's eye flash open.
“Are you sure? I mean, I don't mind waiting longer...” Kendall trailed off, trying to keep the hope and longing he was feeling out of his voice.
“I love you Kendall, and I want everyone in the world to know.”
Awhile later they were finally lounging on the couch with some tea. Logan was almost nodding off, threading his fingers through Kendall's hair and listening to Kendall hum some relaxing tune. Logan snuggled his head into Kendall's neck and sighed happily. His eyes were just sliding shut when someone knocked on the door.
“I'll get it.” Kendall said, untangling himself from Logan and jogging to the door.
He opened it and just stared, Logan's mother was standing there. She smiled meekly and something in her eyes made him move aside to let her in.
“Mom?” Logan said quietly, still on the couch. His mom looked at Kendall and went over to her son when he nodded.
“I'm so sorry baby. You know how he is.” She said, sitting in the chair across from Logan. Kendall went back to his spot next to Logan, wrapping his arm around Logan's waist and pulling him close.
Logan's mom studied them for a minute. Logan's head flopped lazily onto Kendall's shoulder and he was smiling serenely. Their bodies were pressed together and their arms were wrapped tight around each other.
“You look so happy. I'm so glad you're happy.” she said, smiling at them. “As your mother, all I ever wanted was for you to find someone you could love.”
She stopped to clear her throat and Kendall smiled encouragingly at her.
“I can see that you have that with Kendall. I never expected this to happen, but I love you baby, and if this makes you happy then it makes me happy.”
Kendall reached down and locked his fingers with Logan's.
“Mrs. Mitchell. I've been waiting a very long time to say this to you. I love your son. I plan on spending the rest of my life with him. He's everything to me.”
Logan choked a little and stared up at Kendall. His mom just smiled through her tears and nodded, unable to find the words to express her emotions.
She stayed for a while before hugging Logan tight and promising to email and call. She hugged Kendall, telling him to call her Helen and then she was out the door.
“The rest of your life huh?” Logan said, pulling Kendall close. “That's an awfully long time to be around me.”
“Not long enough.” Kendall whispered, kissing Logan slowly.
James threw open his apartment door, tossing his jacket to the side and slamming the door shut behind him. His head flew up when he heard a small cough.
“How did you get in here?” He asked, staring hard at Carlos sitting on his couch.
“Your hide-a-key fake rock is a lot less effective outside of a second floor apartment.” Carlos said, tossing the fake rock at James.
“We need to talk.” he pressed when James just shook his head and walked away.
“No. We don't need to talk. We need to forget everything that's ever happened.” James got in Carlos' face, pushing him slightly.
“You've been drinking...” Carlos said, recognizing the smell of cheap vodka on James breath.
“Yeah, and?” James stalked into his bedroom and started pulling off his shirt.
“Jay, I've been where you are right now, drinking is not the way to handle it. Trust me.” Carlos said, trying not to stare when James succeeded in getting his shirt over his head.
“Trust you? I can't trust you. I can't trust myself. I can't trust anyone.” James flopped down on his bed and just stared, studying the ceiling.
“I love you James. I tried to get away from it, and I fucked myself up pretty badly. But I can't keep going without telling you.” Carlos gently sat down next to James.
“I think, if you gave us a chance, we could be really great together. I know I'm not Kendall, and I will never be Kendall. But you don't need Kendall to love you. Because you always had me.”
Carlos stood to go but James hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.
“I'm so sorry. Can you... will you stay?” James breathed out, tugging lightly on Carlos.
“Of course I can. You know I would do anything for you Jay.” Carlos let James pull him down onto the bed and curl around him.
After a few minutes of breathing James started sobbing into his shoulder. Carlos ran his fingers through James' hair and whispered soothing things in his ear.
“I'm sorry, I love you. Sorry, I love you.” James whimpered over and over into Carlos shoulder.
“I know Jay, I know.” Carlos whispered back “I forgive you.”