Damn. Toto, We Sure As Hell Aren't in Kansas Anymore.
Damn. I've let life pass me by. I guess it's just a realization that my friends are all doing incredible things right this minute and will have all these memories that they can treasure (or try to forget) forever. My rainbow's end won't arrive for another few years, but once it gets here, I'm concerned that I'll be too old to really appreciate it.
Ryan and I are searching for apartments tomorrow. It's surreal. I feel like we went from high school kids to real grown ups (he's getting a JOB job by the end of the summer, and I'm happy for him, but does that mean we're people now? formed and packaged already?) with a real future ahead of us. I'm so messed up about it. I know I shouldn't be getting all bent, but this is it. No more relying on parents for anything like I used to. No more going back to their house and calling it "home." No more being a kid, having pizza parties with Jenna and throwing snowballs for a dog I see every day.
I know I'm saying goodbye to a lot of stuff, but I guess there's more on the horizon, too, that's cool and exciting and just scary enough that I'll treat it with respect. I'm going to church on my own. I'm deciding when to do my laundry, or cook dinner, or do my homework, or a million other domesticthings that were never my responsibility before. I'm paying rent, looking at a one-bedroom apartment with Ryan, my future husband (ohmygod he IS my future husband--wow), and we'll be setting up our own household, laying the foundation for getting a house, a dog, an HOA membership, having kids, being real people.
I'm so weirded out. What the cock is this shit? When did I go from being a kid to being a real person? A grown up? Do all the middle-aged people I see in their daily lives look at me and wonder to themselves how they changed from being kids to being adults? The years continue, and more people discover this rude joke of nature, and it never stops. It's so overwhelming. I need to talk to my mom.
Ryan and I are searching for apartments tomorrow. It's surreal. I feel like we went from high school kids to real grown ups (he's getting a JOB job by the end of the summer, and I'm happy for him, but does that mean we're people now? formed and packaged already?) with a real future ahead of us. I'm so messed up about it. I know I shouldn't be getting all bent, but this is it. No more relying on parents for anything like I used to. No more going back to their house and calling it "home." No more being a kid, having pizza parties with Jenna and throwing snowballs for a dog I see every day.
I know I'm saying goodbye to a lot of stuff, but I guess there's more on the horizon, too, that's cool and exciting and just scary enough that I'll treat it with respect. I'm going to church on my own. I'm deciding when to do my laundry, or cook dinner, or do my homework, or a million other domesticthings that were never my responsibility before. I'm paying rent, looking at a one-bedroom apartment with Ryan, my future husband (ohmygod he IS my future husband--wow), and we'll be setting up our own household, laying the foundation for getting a house, a dog, an HOA membership, having kids, being real people.
I'm so weirded out. What the cock is this shit? When did I go from being a kid to being a real person? A grown up? Do all the middle-aged people I see in their daily lives look at me and wonder to themselves how they changed from being kids to being adults? The years continue, and more people discover this rude joke of nature, and it never stops. It's so overwhelming. I need to talk to my mom.