Self-Injury Awareness Day
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
Hurt ~ Nine Inch Nails
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want to the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Iris ~ Goo Goo Dolls I don't know that you really celebrate today per se, but it is a day to mark, least for me. A day set aside to not stick my head in the sand and ignore this part of my life. It's not easy to remember the last 13 years - but I choose to in order to not deny my own self and the progress that I have made. I am not that scared defiant 10 year old taking bottles of painkillers to try to numb the inner turmoil. I am not the emotionally dead 13 year old, trying to kill herself by sawing at her wrists with a broken bottle shard.
I have come a long way since then. It has been a journey that is far from over - but the things I have learned and the friends I have found along the healing road are treasures that I am glad to have discovered.
Today I allow myself a moment to remember before picking myself up and continuing on this winding road.