(no subject)
So I'm finally home. Uhg I want to go back sometimes. Nothing around me seems clean. I'm cleaning EVERYTHING over and over but everything seems to be disgusting before I can turn around. Derek has been great. No complaints there. But, my head has me in a hole. I need movement other than fallowing my stupid meal plan waiting all day to go to work and for school to start. I'm stressed over nothing it seems. Besides I hate being dirty and everything here is dirty.
Now Derek is going to be working in LA. Why can't we be in the same place for more than a month? The excitment of getting out of treatment has worn off. Now I'm just waiting to crash and burn. Because I'm running and running. And I'm going to do one big fucking splat when I finally fall. I'm walking on this thin line and my toe keeps on going toward that hopeless side. FUCK. I can't I worked to fucking hard for too fucking long to let myself get fucking depressed and crazy again. School needs to start soon so I can get the fuck out of this town and my life
Now Derek is going to be working in LA. Why can't we be in the same place for more than a month? The excitment of getting out of treatment has worn off. Now I'm just waiting to crash and burn. Because I'm running and running. And I'm going to do one big fucking splat when I finally fall. I'm walking on this thin line and my toe keeps on going toward that hopeless side. FUCK. I can't I worked to fucking hard for too fucking long to let myself get fucking depressed and crazy again. School needs to start soon so I can get the fuck out of this town and my life