(no subject)
i figured it out. i hit my peak junior year of high school. it was when i was skinniest, and the best at cheerleading and cared the most about school (i never REALLY cared but jr year was golden compared to my acute case of senioritis) and theater was a part of my life and i had a job. granted, i was completely unhappy and ended up in the pavillion but stiiiiillll on the outside that was my best.
now i am a little happier than then (not really a whole lot) but i am fatter, don't go to school, don't work enough to pay for shit, don't really do anything with my life besides sit and smoke. and i just don't understand where i went wrong. like..... i hate it. i have only gone downhill from there. i have messed up friendships and relationship after relationship and i just wish that i could look go back to how i was (minus the depression).
ughhh.
and i went to the gym today and it made me feel super fat. like... all those mirrors and the skinny people working out. i did like 15 minutes on an elyptical and walked for another fifteen. and then i left because i felt bad about myself. oh and turns out.... that made my stomach hurt really bad.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND i still dont have a room mate to take over my half of the lease so im pretty sure i have to pay my rent in february and that means i can't go to NY and winter camp. and then ughhhhhhhhhh. i'm just not a happy camper.
AND MY BOOBS FUCKING SHRUNK. not my juggly stomach... no. my boobs.... great.
FML.
wow that was really emo.
whatavs.
now i am a little happier than then (not really a whole lot) but i am fatter, don't go to school, don't work enough to pay for shit, don't really do anything with my life besides sit and smoke. and i just don't understand where i went wrong. like..... i hate it. i have only gone downhill from there. i have messed up friendships and relationship after relationship and i just wish that i could look go back to how i was (minus the depression).
ughhh.
and i went to the gym today and it made me feel super fat. like... all those mirrors and the skinny people working out. i did like 15 minutes on an elyptical and walked for another fifteen. and then i left because i felt bad about myself. oh and turns out.... that made my stomach hurt really bad.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND i still dont have a room mate to take over my half of the lease so im pretty sure i have to pay my rent in february and that means i can't go to NY and winter camp. and then ughhhhhhhhhh. i'm just not a happy camper.
AND MY BOOBS FUCKING SHRUNK. not my juggly stomach... no. my boobs.... great.
FML.
wow that was really emo.
whatavs.