(no subject)
it hasn't felt like this before
and it hasn't felt like home before you
and i miss you more than i should
than i thought i would
i can't keep my mind off you
i know this sounds crazy........ but i love my childhood boyfriend. i didn't realize it until i couldn't talk to him anymore. well i mean i kind of did but not really. but now its making me think about my life. everyones talking about getting married and everyones buying puppies with people (and by everyone i mean maddie corbin and mollie) but still. that's all my friends. anyways, the point is is they they all know taht they want to spend the rest of their lives with these people... as best friends, lovers, everythings. and thennnnnnnnnnnnnnn.............................it just makes me think....
i don't know anyone who i honestly believe will be in my life for the rest of my life.
excluding my family.
but like for real. i love all of my friends but, really, will they be in my life for forever? i don't know.
i honestly believed that me and ellie would have been super best friends for ever. but we changed. and i still love her and she still loves me but we aren't close like that anymore.
i figured shannon and i would be best friends for a while but now she has aisha and we are ..... growing apart? i dunno. it's weird.
and corbin and maddie. i think that we will be friends for a while..... but forever? i don't know. i know they are gonna get married and start a family before i will and then we will be at different stages. will that break us?
christina. i thought we would be best friends forever. we had plans. we grew up and grew apart. she stopped going to camp. but i mean we started to get closer again.
i don't have any childhood friends. i don't have anyone who i haven't grown apart from. it's crazy. sarah (my roomate) only has friends who she went to elementary school with. she manages to stay friends with all of them.
i don't even know where this is going.
i guess i do. maybe.
i am just so confused.
i know this sounds bad and whiny but i honestly feel un lovable. the only person who has loved me since i was little no matter what is a thousand miles away and in jail. i know that no one understands us. i don't even understand. i havnen't seen him in 5 years and he STILL calls (except when he's in jail). he still says he loves me and tells me how he loves my laugh and that we are getting married. i know he's kidding but i wish it was true. i don't want to fall in love with a stranger. i want someone who knew me when i was little. who knew me when i was silly. who knew me when i was sad. who knew me when i was depressed. who knows me now. i don't want to have to tell someone about all this stuff.
this makes no sense. at all. f my life. i wish i knew what i was trying to say. or trying to think. i don't even know what i want .
bkajdl;fkjasdflkasjf;kladjf;lksadjflaskdfj
i'm gonna go watch tv and stuff.
ldjfa;sljkf
and it hasn't felt like home before you
and i miss you more than i should
than i thought i would
i can't keep my mind off you
i know this sounds crazy........ but i love my childhood boyfriend. i didn't realize it until i couldn't talk to him anymore. well i mean i kind of did but not really. but now its making me think about my life. everyones talking about getting married and everyones buying puppies with people (and by everyone i mean maddie corbin and mollie) but still. that's all my friends. anyways, the point is is they they all know taht they want to spend the rest of their lives with these people... as best friends, lovers, everythings. and thennnnnnnnnnnnnnn.............................it just makes me think....
i don't know anyone who i honestly believe will be in my life for the rest of my life.
excluding my family.
but like for real. i love all of my friends but, really, will they be in my life for forever? i don't know.
i honestly believed that me and ellie would have been super best friends for ever. but we changed. and i still love her and she still loves me but we aren't close like that anymore.
i figured shannon and i would be best friends for a while but now she has aisha and we are ..... growing apart? i dunno. it's weird.
and corbin and maddie. i think that we will be friends for a while..... but forever? i don't know. i know they are gonna get married and start a family before i will and then we will be at different stages. will that break us?
christina. i thought we would be best friends forever. we had plans. we grew up and grew apart. she stopped going to camp. but i mean we started to get closer again.
i don't have any childhood friends. i don't have anyone who i haven't grown apart from. it's crazy. sarah (my roomate) only has friends who she went to elementary school with. she manages to stay friends with all of them.
i don't even know where this is going.
i guess i do. maybe.
i am just so confused.
i know this sounds bad and whiny but i honestly feel un lovable. the only person who has loved me since i was little no matter what is a thousand miles away and in jail. i know that no one understands us. i don't even understand. i havnen't seen him in 5 years and he STILL calls (except when he's in jail). he still says he loves me and tells me how he loves my laugh and that we are getting married. i know he's kidding but i wish it was true. i don't want to fall in love with a stranger. i want someone who knew me when i was little. who knew me when i was silly. who knew me when i was sad. who knew me when i was depressed. who knows me now. i don't want to have to tell someone about all this stuff.
this makes no sense. at all. f my life. i wish i knew what i was trying to say. or trying to think. i don't even know what i want .
bkajdl;fkjasdflkasjf;kladjf;lksadjflaskdfj
i'm gonna go watch tv and stuff.
ldjfa;sljkf