I seriously hope no one actually reads these.
Because I whine way too much and I'm extremely annoying.
God, so facebook? That shit fucks with my mental health, I learn and see things that'd I'd rather not know.
For fucking example, I am no longer friends with Natalie and Rebekah, haven't since middle school, I still get upset over the fact. So, over the summer when Natalie sent me a request for no apparent reason I was all like, "Sure, I miss those stupid hoes more than anything half the time, I'd love to be somehow included in your life even if it's this minuscule. So fine, she doesn't update a lot, so I didn't have to hear a lot, but really, it's the pictures that kill me.
Because when we all stopped talking, for some reason that none of us is sure of- it just kinda happened, I didn't just lose them, I lost the whole group that went along with them. I had to start from scratch in the middle of my last year in middle school and it was terrible and lonely and just really not a good time for me, I spent a lot of time crying. Sure, I still had my Steven and Andrew for another year or two, but that eventually ended too. Steven was the last one to leave me, and that was so terrible for me, he was my last little connection to them, of my old life, he was like my little.. baby or something. I mothered him, made sure he would do his homework, made him copy mine if he hadn't. I wanted him to do well, to be good. I miss him the most sometimes.
Back to me agonizing over pictures some years later (because I'm a pathetic piece of shit), they're all still friends (except Andrew, I have no idea what the fuck happened to him), and really, it kills me to see them all happy and together and having a good time.
Really, it makes me angry and just, I kinda feel like she's just fucking shoving it in my face, I know Im no where near that important though, so I shouldn't even begin to flatter myself.
Yeah, sure, McKayla and Brittany are nice, but they aren't fucking enough, sorry to say.
Maybe because I grew up with Bekah and Natalie, I mean, I met Bekah (and Natalie really, she stole my best friend at the time, whos name doesn't matter XD) in kindergarten. We had been best friends, and then in 3rd grade I met Natalie again and we became friends and I had to actually make Bekah and Natalie become friends, they didn't even like each other at first. We made millions of stupid movies on the video camera and a stupid little pact to that stupid fucking Vitamin C song about graduation and being friends forever.
Nothing worked out that way, I hate my life most of the time.
I'm the mentally.. no, I'm not the only mentally fucked up kid in my immediate family, we're not even going into my cousins shit.
Nope, I'm just mentally fucked up (Major Depressive Disorder, but half of America has that fucking problem, so it's not like I'm anything special), and Kelly's mentally retarded, you know, along with all of her other fucking issues. You know, like how she's been going through kidney failure for the past couple years, and then we found out a week or so ago that she has a hole in her heart that's around the size of a quarter. So, on top of needed a new kidney she also has to have heart surgery too. And know what's so fucking awesome about that? We're doing the heart surgery first, because, you know, it's dangerous, if they hadn't found it now it probably would've killed her later in life. It get's better though, because it's not like she's not on enough medication just to make her body work, but the medicine she has to take after the heart surgery will damage her kidneys even more, we don't even have a donor yet, just a couple potentials that haven't been tested. WHICH FUCKING MEANS,
I don't wanna talk anymore.
I just feel like crying.
fuck.
Everything was just about perfect when I was 13.
God, so facebook? That shit fucks with my mental health, I learn and see things that'd I'd rather not know.
For fucking example, I am no longer friends with Natalie and Rebekah, haven't since middle school, I still get upset over the fact. So, over the summer when Natalie sent me a request for no apparent reason I was all like, "Sure, I miss those stupid hoes more than anything half the time, I'd love to be somehow included in your life even if it's this minuscule. So fine, she doesn't update a lot, so I didn't have to hear a lot, but really, it's the pictures that kill me.
Because when we all stopped talking, for some reason that none of us is sure of- it just kinda happened, I didn't just lose them, I lost the whole group that went along with them. I had to start from scratch in the middle of my last year in middle school and it was terrible and lonely and just really not a good time for me, I spent a lot of time crying. Sure, I still had my Steven and Andrew for another year or two, but that eventually ended too. Steven was the last one to leave me, and that was so terrible for me, he was my last little connection to them, of my old life, he was like my little.. baby or something. I mothered him, made sure he would do his homework, made him copy mine if he hadn't. I wanted him to do well, to be good. I miss him the most sometimes.
Back to me agonizing over pictures some years later (because I'm a pathetic piece of shit), they're all still friends (except Andrew, I have no idea what the fuck happened to him), and really, it kills me to see them all happy and together and having a good time.
Really, it makes me angry and just, I kinda feel like she's just fucking shoving it in my face, I know Im no where near that important though, so I shouldn't even begin to flatter myself.
Yeah, sure, McKayla and Brittany are nice, but they aren't fucking enough, sorry to say.
Maybe because I grew up with Bekah and Natalie, I mean, I met Bekah (and Natalie really, she stole my best friend at the time, whos name doesn't matter XD) in kindergarten. We had been best friends, and then in 3rd grade I met Natalie again and we became friends and I had to actually make Bekah and Natalie become friends, they didn't even like each other at first. We made millions of stupid movies on the video camera and a stupid little pact to that stupid fucking Vitamin C song about graduation and being friends forever.
Nothing worked out that way, I hate my life most of the time.
I'm the mentally.. no, I'm not the only mentally fucked up kid in my immediate family, we're not even going into my cousins shit.
Nope, I'm just mentally fucked up (Major Depressive Disorder, but half of America has that fucking problem, so it's not like I'm anything special), and Kelly's mentally retarded, you know, along with all of her other fucking issues. You know, like how she's been going through kidney failure for the past couple years, and then we found out a week or so ago that she has a hole in her heart that's around the size of a quarter. So, on top of needed a new kidney she also has to have heart surgery too. And know what's so fucking awesome about that? We're doing the heart surgery first, because, you know, it's dangerous, if they hadn't found it now it probably would've killed her later in life. It get's better though, because it's not like she's not on enough medication just to make her body work, but the medicine she has to take after the heart surgery will damage her kidneys even more, we don't even have a donor yet, just a couple potentials that haven't been tested. WHICH FUCKING MEANS,
I don't wanna talk anymore.
I just feel like crying.
fuck.
Everything was just about perfect when I was 13.