Doing nothing.
I'm home sick today. It's making me face something about myself. I have a *real* issue with doing *nothing* and not having plans. Not filling my time to the brim with *things to do*.
I had set up a plan with Will (he and I are hanging out tonight) to pick him up from work early, drive to the westside for a semi-fancy dinner, come back, and watch a movie, all in just over 4 hours.
Then, I had the oddest realization. I wanted to want to do those things, rather than actually wanting to do them. I wanted to be up for getting dressed nice and going out, even though I wasn't. And, most of the time, I'd have ignored that I wasn't and just done it anyway, because I was damned uncomfortable with the idea of a day and evening doing nothing, and being planless. I felt like I *should* make those plans, so I was doing it automatically, despite feeling like lead, and like going out was against all my bodily wishes.
I texted Will and called the plans off, but admitting i wasn't feeling up to things was... really hard.
hmph.
I had set up a plan with Will (he and I are hanging out tonight) to pick him up from work early, drive to the westside for a semi-fancy dinner, come back, and watch a movie, all in just over 4 hours.
Then, I had the oddest realization. I wanted to want to do those things, rather than actually wanting to do them. I wanted to be up for getting dressed nice and going out, even though I wasn't. And, most of the time, I'd have ignored that I wasn't and just done it anyway, because I was damned uncomfortable with the idea of a day and evening doing nothing, and being planless. I felt like I *should* make those plans, so I was doing it automatically, despite feeling like lead, and like going out was against all my bodily wishes.
I texted Will and called the plans off, but admitting i wasn't feeling up to things was... really hard.
hmph.