(no subject)
I'm once again frustrated with being me. I want to do what other people do so badly, to just go out and have a fun night. I get so close sometimes but then I'm still sitting on the couch in my pj's when everyone else leaves the house dressed to impress. I can't wait for the day when I can leave the house and KNOW that everything will be ok and I don't have to worry about getting all flustered for no apparent reason. Being afraid that I will have to walk away from the group to regain my composure, or to throw up in a parking lot (usually worst case scenario), or even having to answer why I chew so much gum or carry around a water bottle everywhere... it's embarrassing. I embarrass myself... and if my friends aren't embarrassed by me, I'm still embarrassed for them. It's gotten much more controllable over the last year, but I really want it to end so I can feel normal again......
P.S. The tummy ache is real, it wasn't an excuse not to go. A PB&J sandwich helped, but the Salt & Vinegar chips I decided I NEEDED to eat, yeah, they did not help at all.
P.S. The tummy ache is real, it wasn't an excuse not to go. A PB&J sandwich helped, but the Salt & Vinegar chips I decided I NEEDED to eat, yeah, they did not help at all.