crying.....
I was talking to Caitlin and Andrea, about something that really troubles me and every time I think about it start bawling. I guess it's the fact that mentally challenged people always make me cry. Just now, I finished watching Dreamcatcher, and one of the characters was mentally challenged, and there was a scene where the mentally challenged person was older and was living with his mom, and his mom was talking to a guy who was friend with the challenged person, she said "when he heard that you were coming, he got excited...the most excited in years." and later on, she said "I want him to go with you, maybe with you he'll die happy." At that scene, I cried. I cried for a good five minutes. And I was watching a horror movie! That's not the only other movie where I cried, I cannot watch I Am Sam without bawling my eyes out for the first 5 minutes. And I never understood why I've been crying so hard when I watch those movies, but now I think I understand. To fully understand why I get so emotional when I see these people, you have to understand a little about my past. I know I make it sound more dramatic than what you're probably thinking, but it's painful for me.
When I was growing up, I lived in the suburbs of Philidelphia. I know that it doesn't seem like much to those who grew up in New Jersey, but I spent a long time there, or it felt like forever. Well, my mom used to volunteer at a hospital (as my mom used to tell me) where she would help with mentally challenged people. She would go almost every day (as I remember it). And I would meet these people, and I would think that they were normal people because I didn't know better. And I remember one day driving one of my mom's "patient" back to teh hospital from a day of outgoings (I can't remember) and I remember we left him at the front of the gate, and he was looking back at us, with such sad eyes, and his mouth was open, he looked like a lost puppy. And I remember looking back at him, and asking my mother a question. I can't remember the question, but I remember part of my mom's answer, "He can't, he's not the smartest man in the world." I remember that, so well. I just think about it and my face becomes flushed with red. At that moment, I realized that he wasn't like me. He was different.
When I grew up and learned things on my own, I learned how different people can be. And that's when my second cousin (I believe) came in. My cousin (as we'll call him) is mentally challenged, and there's also something else wrong with him that doesn't give him much time to live. And I saw first hand how mentally challenged people were treated. I saw how his parents stayed up to make sure that he wouldn't die in the night, they fed him through a tube, they would make sure his diapers were clean, they did everything for this boy that probably wouldn't live past the age of 14. And when I see my cousin's face, I want to cry. I see how happy he is. He smiles all of the time, and always laughs. And I wonder if he knows that he's different. I wonder if he knows that he'll live for a few more years... I just saw him last friday, when I went down to Wildwood.
Now recently, I've watched movies with mentally challenged people in them, such as The Village, Dreamcatcher, and of course I Am Sam. And every time I watch those movies, I always cry. I could never figure it out why, why would I cry?? I thought about it, and I realized it's so sad. It's sad to watch Mentally Challenged people... Even now I'm unsure why I am crying right this moment. I'm trying my best to figure it out, but nothing seems to come up on the screen. I'm rambling on, but maybe if I keep going, they idea will come to me... I guess it's the idea of them trying, how they try their hardest, but they can't do average things, and it hurts me. I want to help them, but I would cry....I can't remember now, maybe I've finally calmed down... I'll write more on this later when I remember....
When I was growing up, I lived in the suburbs of Philidelphia. I know that it doesn't seem like much to those who grew up in New Jersey, but I spent a long time there, or it felt like forever. Well, my mom used to volunteer at a hospital (as my mom used to tell me) where she would help with mentally challenged people. She would go almost every day (as I remember it). And I would meet these people, and I would think that they were normal people because I didn't know better. And I remember one day driving one of my mom's "patient" back to teh hospital from a day of outgoings (I can't remember) and I remember we left him at the front of the gate, and he was looking back at us, with such sad eyes, and his mouth was open, he looked like a lost puppy. And I remember looking back at him, and asking my mother a question. I can't remember the question, but I remember part of my mom's answer, "He can't, he's not the smartest man in the world." I remember that, so well. I just think about it and my face becomes flushed with red. At that moment, I realized that he wasn't like me. He was different.
When I grew up and learned things on my own, I learned how different people can be. And that's when my second cousin (I believe) came in. My cousin (as we'll call him) is mentally challenged, and there's also something else wrong with him that doesn't give him much time to live. And I saw first hand how mentally challenged people were treated. I saw how his parents stayed up to make sure that he wouldn't die in the night, they fed him through a tube, they would make sure his diapers were clean, they did everything for this boy that probably wouldn't live past the age of 14. And when I see my cousin's face, I want to cry. I see how happy he is. He smiles all of the time, and always laughs. And I wonder if he knows that he's different. I wonder if he knows that he'll live for a few more years... I just saw him last friday, when I went down to Wildwood.
Now recently, I've watched movies with mentally challenged people in them, such as The Village, Dreamcatcher, and of course I Am Sam. And every time I watch those movies, I always cry. I could never figure it out why, why would I cry?? I thought about it, and I realized it's so sad. It's sad to watch Mentally Challenged people... Even now I'm unsure why I am crying right this moment. I'm trying my best to figure it out, but nothing seems to come up on the screen. I'm rambling on, but maybe if I keep going, they idea will come to me... I guess it's the idea of them trying, how they try their hardest, but they can't do average things, and it hurts me. I want to help them, but I would cry....I can't remember now, maybe I've finally calmed down... I'll write more on this later when I remember....