But whatever road you choose, I'm right behind you win or lose...
This all feels really surreal right now. Like yesterday didn't actually happen.
I got up early to get ready for Class Day Mass, which sucked as I was up late the night before and then didn't sleep all that well on top of it for a lot of reasons. I got to school around 8:30 and made my way into the gym with Ryan to meet everyone else. It was kind of crazy in there, everyone trying to get ready and take pictures and get organized. Mass was actually pretty good. It was weird to sit there knowing this was the last school mass. As much as we all complain about it and hate having to go, it really is something that is so Feehan that I may actually miss. Old Father Mike came back which was nice. He is a lot less odd than the last two priests we've had. And Father Dan didn't give the homily which must have been his gift to all of us. Deacon was hilarious, giving us a talk, what about I can't even remember, but he had a salt shaker that he kept shaking on stage and it made us all crack up. It is impossible to not love Deacon. After mass we had the slide show, which came out pretty nice. It was funny to see old pictures of everyone. There were even some in there with Ryan with his really really short hair from two years ago. It made me laugh. After that Danny, Dan, Chris, and Kyle went up to play our class song. Danny just getting up made the room so much hotter and the day so much better. And the moment he opened his mouth I think 99% of the girls in that auditorium just sighed and looked at him. Although most of us were unhappy with Forever Young as our song the boys did a really nice job with it.
After that we went outside for the tree planting ceremony. Andrew's speach was so good and I just wanted to give him a hug, which I did right after. From there we all went to the cookout which was actually a good time. I wasn't that impressed with the food, but looking at and signing yearbooks was really fun. After I finally thought I would get out of there I saw Sean, who I had thought already left, and then I took the next 20 minutes to write in his yearbook. I can hardly believe that he is leaving in a week. It doesn't seem possible. I am so excited for him, but I will miss having him here. YOU HEAR THAT SEAN?? I ACTUALLY WILL MISS YOU! I was one of the last four there, which was sad and funny and typical me. And that afternoon I had my last drive home from Feehan at 2:30.
Once I got home I basically spent the rest of the day getting for graduation. Around 5:30 Ryan came over with Corey to pick me up. My mom of course took pictures as she always does, and even made Corey get in one. The three of us then headed to Feehan. Everyone was hanging outside. We took lots of pictures and talked and gave everyone in sight hugs. Then we all went into the classroom building for the last time. After wandering around for a little while I saw Mr. Harrison who gave me a huge hug. He may be crazy and may be an old cynical man, but I do love him to death. After that I found Mrs. White and talked to her for a while. I will miss her so much. I can't even explain how much she has done for me in the last year . She made a point to remind Ryan and I how special we are and how we can do anything if we put our minds to it. Most teachers would be talking about school. She was talking about us. Ryan told me later that so many people told him that they hoped the two of us would stay together because we are so special. I think I have to agree. :-) While talking to Mrs. White we heard something about homerooms leaving. And we both freaked out as we were not in our homerooms and I wasn't even in my cap and gown. After getting my stuff we literally ran to get into our spots in line. I didn't make it to mine until we were in line waiting by the auditorium doors. I was so out of breath and just freaking out, but it was all ok. Once the ceremony started I calmed down. After processing in I saw Laura McNulty, who was one of the sibilings that were special and got to sit upfront facing us. She was right in my eye line so we talked the whole time. Once I got to my spot though she started shaking her head and saying No. I have no idea why that girl will miss me so much, nor do I have an idea why I will miss her too. Kidding Laura. I love you. She was making it so hard for me to get through the night without crying. Theresa's speach was hilarious. She reference spoon dancing, forking the football field, being stilly little freshman assuming that the first floor would take first lunch and walking into that pole dividing the doorway to the tunnel. At that moment Ryan just laighed and said that he still does that. I had no doubt in my mind that Theresa would do a wonderful job and she did. It was sad remembering everything that has happened in the last four years, but she had a way of turning the past into hope for the future. Finally it was time to get diplomas. As I get up I look at Laura, who had started to cry. And as I was standing at the side of the stage, about to step to my spot to hear my name called, she turns around with tears running down her face and I almost lost it. I didn't, but I came close. She did the same thing with Julie, and with that I felt so special to be cried over just as if I was her big sister too. :-) After we all got our diplomas we headed out to the convent circle to toss our hats. We walk outside and it was raining, which made me mad at first, but in the end it just made it so much better. We walked between the two buildings, with the road lined with everyone cheering and clapping for all of us. I saw Laura and ran over and gave her a hug as I made my way through. Once we got out I found Jess and then before we all knew I think our hats were in the air. And it was just one of those sights that you can't really explain why it meant so much, but it did. Right after the first people I found were Sam and Evan because Sam is so tall and you can't miss him and Evan was right next to him. I was looking for Ryan, but couldn't find him, and then all of a sudden he comes up behind me, picks me, yells "WE MADE IT!" and gave me a kiss. And thats how it stayed for a moment, me being held up in the rain, kissing the best boyfriend and my best friend in the entire world. It was chaos trying to find everyone, but somehow we all did. We all ran around in the rain, getting soaked, giving hugs, and saying our last goodbyes to those who have shaped us and made the greatest impact in our lives. I got the first post-graduation hug from Jill and found Ryan's family before my own. After I finally found mine we took more pictures and ran around some more in the rain. I didn't mind getting soaked anymore. The rain made it a moment, more than it was to begin with. We were some of the last people to leave, again, the norm for me. I don't think I wanted to say goodbye to it all yet. I still don't think i want to.
After we left Ryan and I stopped at home to change and then headed up to Sam's for the post-party which was quite fun. It was me, Ryan, Evan, Brad, Sam, Julie, Kat, Pavan, and Steve and maybe a few others I am forgetting. and some family members. It's funny how much my group of friends has changed this year, but I cannot imagine getting through life without those boys anymore. Pretty much everyone else headed over to Mak's for another party but Ryan and I just headed home. He made me mashed potatoes, my ultimate comfort food, and we just sat around with my mom talking and laughing and reminiscing. It was really nice. He left around 12:45 and I headed to bed, with the whole night in a blur.
This morning it doesn't even seem real. I can't believe it's all over. I don't want it to be all over. As much as we all complained the last few months and as much as we all wanted to get the hell out of there, I am so sad that it is actually happening. The last four years have been the best experience ever and I have met so many people who have done so much for me. I don't want to let it all go. I want to let go of all the crap and the fights and the bad memories and be able to look back and remember how much I loved the last four years and everyone that made them so amazing. I honestly and truly love you all.
Stolen from Missy's away message. It made me think. And made me smile. And it made complete sense to me lately...
"Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up."