clarity amidst congestion
ok. as for something of a little more substance than my last entry, or however many before that, i need to approach a very serious topic.
and it all comes down to a boy with blue eyes that i barely even know.
you see, i've just met this boy, and yet he makes more sense to me than any of the idiots i've let court me around in the past. It's an impossible situation i realize, i tend to end up in those quite often.
All i know is, i haven't laughed or smiled that genuinely in a painfully long time. and i've never looked at someone and just been so happy to meet them. But it's different than if he was staying, because he's already gone now. and i'm just standing here shaking my head trying to figure out what's just happened to me. i can't figure it out and yet it makes all the sense in the world. but how? and why? and now? and like that it's gone.
it's so wierd.
Like, the night before last after hanging out with him and christina i had this really great dream about him and i and all my friends and the people i love being cast out to sea in a boat, and i was able to say everything i wanted to say to him and everyone else but couldnt in reality because of all the impossible situations i tend to end up in. and everything i said and felt was reciprocated and we could continue our journey and experience everything that lay ahead. it was just such a great dream. and then yesterday, we were hanging out in the rain splashing through puddles and he asks me if i have good dreams. caught off guard, but knowing exactly what he meant, i said, what are you talking about? and he said well, do you remember your dreams? so i said, well, i remember the good ones, and the ones worth remembering at least. and he nodded and somehow it made sense.
and it's been snatched away before i could fully comprehend any of it.
great.
and it all comes down to a boy with blue eyes that i barely even know.
you see, i've just met this boy, and yet he makes more sense to me than any of the idiots i've let court me around in the past. It's an impossible situation i realize, i tend to end up in those quite often.
All i know is, i haven't laughed or smiled that genuinely in a painfully long time. and i've never looked at someone and just been so happy to meet them. But it's different than if he was staying, because he's already gone now. and i'm just standing here shaking my head trying to figure out what's just happened to me. i can't figure it out and yet it makes all the sense in the world. but how? and why? and now? and like that it's gone.
it's so wierd.
Like, the night before last after hanging out with him and christina i had this really great dream about him and i and all my friends and the people i love being cast out to sea in a boat, and i was able to say everything i wanted to say to him and everyone else but couldnt in reality because of all the impossible situations i tend to end up in. and everything i said and felt was reciprocated and we could continue our journey and experience everything that lay ahead. it was just such a great dream. and then yesterday, we were hanging out in the rain splashing through puddles and he asks me if i have good dreams. caught off guard, but knowing exactly what he meant, i said, what are you talking about? and he said well, do you remember your dreams? so i said, well, i remember the good ones, and the ones worth remembering at least. and he nodded and somehow it made sense.
and it's been snatched away before i could fully comprehend any of it.
great.