Operation Santana Puckerman
Title: Operation Santana Puckerman
Verse: Part of the Operation verse, it is helpful to read Operation Destroy Luck before reading this fic
Pairing, Character(s): Noah Puckerman/Rachel Berry, Santana/Rachel Friendship, Santana/Sam
Rating: Lots of cursing cause it's Puck and Santana and mentions of sex so I don't know R? I'm horrible at picking rates
Word Count: 6671
Spoilers: All the way through Silly Love Songs
Written for the puckrachel community drabble meme. This is not beta'd so all mistakes are mine. I do not own Glee. This fic is not very Lauren or Finn friendly.
Prompt: Santana does Puck and Rachel a solid and elicits a promise from the pair that their first daughter will be named after her. (the fact that the pair were drunk at the time they made said promise was totally irrelevant to Santana).
Now Rachel has found out that she's pregnant with a girl which causes Santana to go into overdrive.
"You bought her an entire wardrobe with your name monogrammed on it?"
"No, with HER name monogrammed on it."
Operation Santana Puckerman
Santana sat in the movie theater next to Sam and while Sam was fully enthralled by whatever weird movie he had chosen Santana had her mind on other things. She pulled out her phone and checked it for any texts or missed phone calls for the tenth time in the last minute and sighed in frustration when there was still nothing. If she was just waiting on the news from Puck she knew that bastard would make her wait weeks just to drive her crazy. Hell he had already made her wait twenty weeks to find out, didn’t he realize how important this was! Thank God Rachel wouldn’t do that for to her, Santana knew her best friend would tell her the moment they found out but really how long does it take to find out if the thing had a penis or not. Seriously, just look at the damn screen already and see.
She sighed again as she looked down at the phone before leaning over and pulling Sam’s phone out of his pocket. Santana rolled her eyes when he didn’t even notice before flipping Sam’s phone open and sent a text to her phone from Sam’s phone. When she felt her phone buzz and that it was a text from Sam’s phone Santana growled in frustration. Obliviously her phone wasn’t broken, so what the hell was taking so long. She should had just gone to the appointment with Rachel and Puck like she had been planning to do because with her luck Rachel and Puck hadn’t even seen the doctor and were standing in front of the hospital fighting about something stupid like Puck breathing wrong or Rachel talking to much.
It would be just like Puck and Rachel to flush all her hard work down the shitter just moments before finding out the news that Santana had been waiting for since high school. After all they put her through, if she found out they had missed this appointment she was going to strangle the both of them. There was no way Puckleberry was breaking up moments before she found out if their kid was going to be a boy or a girl. Santana had been praying every day for a girl, a badass, crazy, bitch who would rock the name Santana Puckerman. It was her dream, the one thing she had hung on to when Puck and Rachel were fighting and Santana was doing damage control or when she was going out of her way to prevent Puck and Rachel from fighting in the first place. Little Santana Puckerman was what she held on to and any second now she would find out if her dream was going to come true or if Puck and Rachel were going to crush her dreams by having a boy with some stupid name like Jonah or Elijah. At least she was saving little Santana Puckerman from getting stuck with something that shouts, look at me I’m Jewish!
She hadn’t thought it would be this frustrating or that she would have to do so much work just to keep Puckleberry together. Sure she had first teamed up with Rachel for Operation Destroy Luck with the plan of getting Puck back so she could get laid but then Rachel had said she wouldn’t help her do it if Santana ended up going after Puck since Rachel was in love with “Noah” and so Santana had agreed to not go after Puck. Instead she had used Rachel to get Puck and Lauren to break up so Puck and Rachel could get together and have Jewish babies. It should have been easy, hell Rachel had overhead Puck admit that he had been in love with Rachel forfuckingever.
The next day at school after all that had gone down, Puck and Rachel were walking together Rachel’s arm linked with Puck’s at the elbow because they couldn’t just hold hands like normal people. Hell, they couldn’t do anything like normal people. Santana hadn’t left their side, beaming because shit she had been a genius to put this together and then the first obstacle happened. Lauren. Fuck if she didn’t make Rachel cry, and no one made Rachel Berry cry except for her, so Santana might had gone all Lima Heights Adjacent on her ass, again and the bitch got lucky, again, when the fight was broken up. But as Puck was reassuring Rachel and Rachel was all “Oh Noah” to Puck Santana realized Operation Destroy Luck wasn’t fully over yet only this time she didn’t need Rachel’s help. Santana would take care of Lauren all on her own. Which she did when she had borrowed a page from Rachel’s book and told Mr. Figgins that she was going to call the ACLU because she had just been stepping in and preventing Lauren from jumping Rachel because Lauren didn’t like the fact that Rachel had two gay dads. She also didn’t pay the football and hockey teams even more money for them to all make statements that they had witness this. So maybe Operation Destroy Luck had ended up costing a shit load of money but Lauren was sent to a different school and Puck and Rachel were free to make Puckleberry babies while Santana hopefully watched.
Santana glanced at her phone again, even banged it on Sam’s arm ignoring the look he gave her, just to make sure the stupid thing was working. She let out a sigh of frustration when there was still no news from Puck or Rachel. Did they even realize that Lauren hadn’t been their only threat? Seriously Lauren hadn’t been gone from the school for more then a week before Finn’s stupid ass figured out that Puck and Rachel were the hottest couple at school. Not that it should had mattered since Finn was back with Quinn after helping Quinn cheat on Sam but was still pissed at Rachel for cheating on him with Puck who had knocked up Quinn….just keeping it all straight gave Santana a fucking headache. Anyway, Finn got all pissed cause I guess before the championship football game Puck had made some promise about not hooking up with Rachel again and Puck claimed that Finn had it wrong and that he had promised to not hook up with any of Finn’s current girlfriends again.
Whatever Finn was dumb and Puck was right, Santana was positive about this because otherwise Finn might try to break up Puck and Rachel after all the money she had spent. It would have been like watching Puck smash his most expensive guitar over someone’s head for no reason at all. So Santana did what Santana does best and went into Operation Get Finn the fuck out of the picture. Not just the Puckleberry picture but the whole “I’m the top person at this school everyone must bow down to me.” She had known she couldn’t get Finn kicked out of school like she did Lauren without it looking suspicious so she did the next best thing.
Puck’s voice blended with Rachel’s a shit load better then Finn’s ever had and so Santana might had pushed Puck and Rachel to do a duet just about every other day as she quietly started to talk the others in Glee that we had a better chance at winning Regionals with Puck singing lead instead of Finn. Then the rest of Glee might had teamed up together to convince Mr. Schue of this but it eventually worked and Puck started to take more and more of Finn’s leads until Finn was pushed into the background where Puck had once been. Santana had managed to put a stop to the stupid love songs that Rachel half heartedly sang to Finn and Finn fully sang to Rachel while ignoring the glares from Quinn and had pushed Finn down from being at the top of Glee Club.
The rest of the school however was a different story. So Santana had enlisted Sam’s help and together they had plotted a way for Finn’s run as the Quarterback and Captain of the football team to end. It hadn’t been to hard, Sam had more leadership skills in his pinky then Finn did in his entire body. It also helped when Sam and Puck had formed a friendship, nothing like talented leadership and a good helping of fear to get their plan working. Plus Santana might had accidentally rammed her car into the driver’s side of Finn’s right before summer training began, successfully breaking Finn’s arm in the process. It was the final nail in Finn’s reign at the top of the school and Santana couldn’t have been happier.
As the memory ended Santana looked at her phone once again and debated about throwing the stupid thing at the wall. There was still no news! They had to be doing this on purpose. Why else would Puck and Rachel take so long to let her know if the kid had a dick or not. Did they have any idea what Santana had done for them that first summer after they started dating and Puck had started up his pool cleaning business. Did they know how much red dye number seven costs when it was bought by the truck loads, yes plural, and dumped into her pool just so she would be Puck’s only client that summer and she could keep him away from his cougars?
How about the fact that her feet still had scars on them from joining all of Rachel’s dance classes just so she could make sure Rachel didn’t fall for one of those pansy dancers that lifted her up into the air all the time. There was also the time that she had fucking slept with Jewfro in order for him to run a poll on his gossip blog about the top couples of the senior class and to make sure Puckleberry was included because Jewfro wasn’t going to include them because he was obsessed with Rachel. The poll was totally not rigged so that for every vote a different couple received Puckleberry received five so they would win by a landslide.
There were also a million stupid things that came up, Rachel didn’t want to be called Berry, and Puck didn’t like it when she called him Puck when she was mad. Puck wasn’t going to be anything but a Lima Loser, Rachel was going to make it huge on Broadway. Blah, blah, blah. They were all stupid and Santana had spent hours listening to the details of their stupid fights from both of them, Rachel’s version was always filled with big words while Puck’s version he swore like a sailor and Santana would give herself a headache trying to translate Rachel speak and Puck speak into normal people speak and then figuring out what really happened. All of that and it was usually some stupid shit like Rachel tried to change the radio station in his truck.
The grip on her phone was getting tighter and Santana was sure the phone would break as she waited for the news. Not that this had been the first time she had been kept waiting on them. Senior Prom had been a nightmare all on it’s own and thank god Sam had asked her to go with him and was willing to help talk some sense into Puck’s dumbass while Santana spent hours trying to get Rachel to realize that breaking up with Puck because she had gotten excepted to NYU and Puck was accepted to Ohio State had been the stupidest thing she had ever down. Santana was positive she had a heart attack when she heard that bullshit from none other then Tina. Rachel decided not to go to Prom, she didn’t want to see Puck with some whore and Puck wasn’t going to go because he was Puck and he had yet gone to a school dance and he was not going to start now meaning he didn’t want to see Rachel dancing with some other guy.
Santana didn’t like to think of that dark period, where her dreams for little Santana Puckerman slowly started to dissolve right in front of her eyes. It got so bad that when Sam suggested to “set up” both Puck and Rachel to be “arrested” by his Dad who was a cop in town and have them delivered to the Prom in the back of a squad car Santana might had told Sam that she loved him. So on Prom night Santana just might have texted Rachel and Puck telling them each that she needed their help ASAP at Breadstix because she had been caught dashing out on the ticket, then hid with Sam behind a bush while she watched the two of them fight, then Puck punch Sam’s Dad for handcuffing Rachel for the Dine and Dash because she “fit the description of brown hair” Santana was damn proud of herself. By the end of Prom they were back together and Santana and Sam were giving each other high fives as they fucked in one of the bedrooms at Brittany’s place during the after Prom party for a job well done.
It was Santana who had talked Puck into ditching Ohio State and the two of them drove out to New York because it had been two days since Rachel had left Lima and Santana was about to punch Puck in the face because he was whining to much. Sure Santana ended up becoming a stripper for a while, what New York was an expensive place to live and there was no way she was leaving Puck and Rachel alone in New York so they could destroy everything Santana had worked so hard for. Namely little Santana Puckerman.
Puck ended up joining NYPD, the irony of it still makes Santana laugh, and Rachel started to perform on off-Broadway plays and nothing was going according to plan. According to Operation Santana Puckerman, fuck yes she has a name for this she has named every single plot to keep/get them back together she has ever come up with, those two Jews should had been standing in front of a Rabbi a year after high school, and now it was coming on five years and there was still no sign that they were ever going to get married. So Santana might have gone to Jarrod’s and bought a ring that she knew Rachel would love and then hide it in a not so obvious place in the apartment that Puck and Rachel shared then hinted to Rachel that Puck had been asking questions about her ring size just so Rachel would start looking for the ring. She also left the receipt for the ring in Puck’s squad car with a note saying “You’re welcome and you better pay me back bitch!”
By then Sam had ended up in the City and Santana and Sam had started to date again, he may be a pretty boy but fuck anyone looks hot in an NYFD shirt. Santana had stopped stripping by then, mostly because she had a piece of paper that said she knew the business world now, and was currently working for the New York Giants which Sam and Puck both loved thanks to the free box seat tickets she was always able to get through work. But when Puck had told Sam what Santana had done by hiding an engagement ring for Rachel to find he had not been happy. He went on and on about how wrong it was because Puck needed to do it on his own, which he had a plan that was now ruined thanks to Santana, and that Santana had better fix it or else Puck was threatening an extremely long engagement. So Santana went about setting things right, then Puck proposed.
The night of the bachelor and bachelorette parties Santana sent the final stage of Operation Santana Puckerman into action. She went back and forth between the two parties, made sure both Puck and Rachel were wasted to the point of not remembering anything, and then made her move. She had been standing at the bar when Puck came over and thanked her for helping to get him and Rachel together all those years ago and Santana then said he should do something to show his thanks. When he had said anything she replied, “Name your first born daughter after me, promise?” and Puck had agreed. Something along the same lines had happened with Rachel, only the conversation with Rachel the curse words where replaced with really long ones. It didn’t matter that they were both wasted beyond hope, they had promised and Santana would remember that shit.
Which of course she did and that was why she was sitting in the dark movie theater next to Sam, glaring at her phone wishing it would buzz indicating a call or text five months later. Santana had given Puck season tickets to the Giants games when he had told her that he had knocked Rachel up the night of their wedding, she had been so happy for Puck’s super sperm that she would had bought him a house if she had the money. She still might once she finds out if it’s little Santana Puckerman in there or not because she’s not sure if Santana Puckerman should live in a tiny ass apartment. A condo would be better, a condo in Lima Heights Adjacent would be perfect but really Santana wasn’t perfect. She could always teach Santana Puckerman to fight Lima Heights Adjacent style, in fact that might be better since then the little girl wouldn’t have to learn it on the streets like Santana had to do.
Then it happened, her phone began to buzz. Santana held her breath as she slowly looked down at the phone just as it began to buzz again. On the screen it said she had two unread text messages and she continued to hold her breath as she opened both of them up and read.
I am pleased to announce that today Noah and I found out that the sex of our unborn child is female.
Fuck yeah, it’s a girl bitches!
Santana stared at her phone for several minutes in silence, switching back and forth between the text she had gotten from Rachel and the one Puck had sent. Once it finally registered, Santana jumped out of her seat and started to squeal in excitement.
“Shut UP!!” Someone shouted and Santana glared in the general direction that the shout had come from in the dark theater.
“Excuse me,” Santana shouted back as she put her hands on her hips, “I’ve waited years, fucking years, for this moment and if you don’t like the fact that I’m celebrating then you can get the hell out of here.”
There was a bunch of mumbling and a few shouted threats but Santana held her ground silently wishing that the movie theater wasn’t quite so dark so she could find the losers who were trying to ruin this moment in her life and kick their ass Lima Heights Adjacent style. Just because she’d been living in New York since she graduated high school did not mean that she hadn’t forgotten the skills she had learned on the streets surrounding her family’s condo. Santana was debating on jumping the bitch two rows back just to prove a point when she felt a hand grab her and pull her firmly towards the aisle.
“The movie’s not over,” Santana complained as Sam muttered apologizes as he dragged her towards the exit. Once outside the theater he turned to Santana and sighed.
“We’ll come watch it again later,” Sam informed her and smiled, “What are you celebrating anyway?”
Santana motioned for Sam to check is phone and watched as he read the same two messages that Santana had read inside. After he flipped his phone closed Sam rolled his eyes, “You’re that excited that Puck and Rachel are having a girl? I don’t get it.”
Santana rolled her eyes, “She’s my namesake! I made Puck and Rachel both swear on their lives that they would name their first born daughter after me and right now Rachel is carrying little Santana Puckerman!”
Sam arched an eyebrow and shook his head, “Why in the world would they promise you that?”
Santana snorted, “After all I have done to get those two together and keep them together they should name every fucking kid Rachel pops out Santana. I’m being nice by letting it just be the first one.”
Sam shook his head again and grabbed Santana’s hand, “Let’s go eat I’m starving.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Santana was watching some stupid musical/comedy about a show choir in high school and throwing popcorn at the douche that played the lead when she heard Sam’s laughter coming from the kitchen. She was slightly curious, but then her favorite character was about to get in a cat fight and she was hoping clothes would start being ripped off and Sam’s laughter was soon forgotten. When the fight only amounted to her favorite character being dragged around the floor by some fat chick Santana threw more popcorn at the screen and started to shout at the screen again. What was sad was just how close this show was to her own high school’s show choir and the way the douche was portrayed and the badass, guitar playing hunk were portrayed Santana often wondered if Finn was somehow behind the show.
Sam walked back into the room just as the show choir randomly broke into song in the middle of the local hangout spot, took one look at the TV then shook his head, “How can you watch this, it’s horrible.”
“That’s the whole point!” Santana exclaimed, “It’s like the writers know this show is horrible so it makes fun of it’s self and it just makes it great. Besides I’ve told you, I know Finn is behind this crap and I’m not going to stop watching until I find out how.”
Sam shook his head again and sat down on the couch pulling her close to him, “I was just talking to Puck.”
“And I care?” Santana remarked as she began to curse at the show again. How could those stupid writers not see epic love when it was slapping them in the face with a chicken breast!
“Yeah, he saw your Facebook status,” Sam began as he looked over at Santana who just shrugged, “He’s not happy.”
Santana looked at Sam shocked, “What do you mean Puck’s not happy? Why would my Facebook status piss him off, it was like worshipping his super sperm.”
Sam chuckled and shook his head. He never asked the details behind Santana’s obsession with Puck and Rachel’s relationship, mostly because he really didn’t want to know. Most of the time it was cool but every now and then when Santana went into “Operation” mood things got crazy. Not that he hadn’t helped out on any of the operations, cause he had, but he didn’t take it as far as Santana. He only did it when Puck and Rachel had done something stupid and were being to stubborn to work it out themselves.
“Yeah he said something about super sperm, that wasn’t what upset him,” Sam explained before starting to chuckle, “Did you really put ‘I love Puck’s super sperm for creating little Santana Puckerman with Rachel, Puckleberry babies forever!’ Because I haven’t been on Facebook yet today.”
She threw her hands up in the air in confusion, “What’s wrong with that? They promised to name their first born daughter Santana Puckerman and I’m going to make them keep that promise!”
Sam laughed outright, “Puck says he doesn’t remember promising that he would name his first born daughter after you. He actually said they were leaning towards the name Ester.”
“The fuck they are,” Santana blurted out, “What kind of fucked up name is Ester? And he did promise, both him and Rachel promised. Granted they might have been to drunk to remember their own names….”
“Santana! If they were drunk when they promised then you know that doesn’t count,” Sam retorted causing Santana to roll her eyes, “And Ester is a Jewish name, Puck and Rachel are Jewish the name makes since.”
“It totally counts,” Santana mumbled as she turned her attention back to the TV and the show she swore Finn was involved with, “I’m telling you Finn made this show.”
Sam rolled his eyes as he started to kiss Santana’s neck, “Finn has nothing to do with this show, otherwise his name would be in the credits.”
Santana moaned as Sam bit that spot of her neck, and the TV was forgotten.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Noah!” Rachel screeched into the phone as she eyed her mother-in-law who was now standing in their living room, “You have to get here right now!”
Rachel listened as Noah turned the police scanner down in his car and could feel his panic coming over the phone, “Is it the baby? Rach I’m radioing for an ambulance right now…”
“The baby is fine,” Rachel assured Noah, “You’re mother however is standing in our living room.”
“What the fuck is Ma doing there?” Noah demanded and Rachel noticed the fear had been replaced with a new one, fear of his Ma, “I’ve done everything she’s told me to I found a nice Jewish girl, I married a hot Jew and now we’re having hot badass Jew babies.”
Rachel smiled, “Apparently Santana called her….”
“The fuck?” Noah exclaimed then cursed again, “If Santana told Ma that we are naming the baby Santana Puckerman I’m going to kill her.”
“She told,” Rachel snapped into the phone and ignored the curses that Noah let out, “Your mother has been going on and on about how a Jewish baby needs a good Jewish name and is ignoring me when I tell her we are naming the baby Ester. She is demanding to know why we would name our Jewish baby after a Gentile whore.”
“Look I’ll be right there,” Noah told Rachel softly and Rachel could hear him fumbling with his radio, “I just have to call in and tell them it’s an emergency but I’ll be there as soon as I can babe.”
“What am I supposed to do in the meantime?” Rachel demanded and Noah sighed.
“That outfit we bought, the one with Ester’s name across the front. Go get that and show Ma that outfit and any other personalized items we’ve bought,” Noah suggested, “I’ll be home soon, I love you.”
“I love you, Noah,” Rachel responded softly into the phone as she hung it up. Taking a deep breath she went back into the living room where Noah’s mother was sitting on the couch drinking a Coke. “Noah will be here soon.”
“Rachel, I just don’t understand why you would let Noah name the baby after, her,” Noah’s mother continued and Rachel sighed.
“She is my friend, Ma,” Rachel responded still not used to calling Noah’s mother by the name he used, “But we are not naming the baby Santana. We want our child to have a nice, strong Jewish name and Santana is Spanish. We really are naming the baby Ester, I have no idea why Santana told you otherwise but if you would like to see the nursery I could show you.”
She nodded in agreement and Rachel lead her back to what had once been the spare bedroom in their apartment. The walls were half painted pink with a dark brown trim and there was a baby crib sitting in the middle of the floor half put together. “We’re going to keep it simple, just the dark brown and the pink but it’s really starting to come together,” Rachel informed her mother-in-law who was smiling.
Rachel walked further into the tiny room and picked up a piece of wood that she had been painting on every since they had found out she was carrying a girl and they had agreed on the name Ester, “This is what I want to show you, I’m planning on hanging it on the wall above her crib when it’s finished.”
Rachel handed the board to her mother-in-law and watched as she slowly read “Ester Leah Puckerman” then looked up at Rachel, “So you’re not naming the baby Santana?”
“No, I have no idea why Santana thinks we are naming the baby after her, but I do plan on finding out why she thinks this,” Rachel informed her mother-in-law as she sat the board that she had been given back on the floor, “But I am glad you came, I could use some help in decorating this room if you are planning to stay for a couple of days.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Sam!” Puck hissed into the phone as he kept an eye on Rachel who was sitting on their couch crying, “You have to make Santana fix this shit!”
“What did she do now?” Sam inquired and based on the noise in the background Puck had caught him while he was at the station.
“Santana sent out the baby shower invitations and Rachel just saw one. Do you know what they say?” Puck growled into the phone causing Sam to sigh.
“I didn’t see them but I’m guessing something about little Santana Puckerman. It’s all she’ll talk about,” Sam told Puck causing back to curse.
“How many times do we have to tell her, we are not naming the baby after her and I don’t give a shit if we promised her when we were drunk! First that shit on Facebook, then she called Ma, she called my crazy Jewish Ma who hates Santana and Santana told her that we were naming the baby Santana. Now the baby shower. You know Rachel, everything has to be perfect which means having Santana Puckerman on that baby shower invitation, that shit’s not kosher,” Puck exclaimed into the phone, “Santana is going to fix this shit and the new ones will say Ester Leah Puckerman.”
“I’ll make sure she does, I always do don’t I?” Sam chuckled, “Just tell Rachel to stop crying and I’ll make sure Santana sends out new invitations with the right information on it.”
“Thanks Sam,” Puck mumbled as he shut his phone and went back to the living room pulling Rachel into his arms, rubbing a comforting hand down her back as she cried into his shoulder.
“I don’t understand why she is doing this?” Rachel sniffed as Puck pulled her closer.
“Cause she’s fucking insane,” Puck informed Rachel, “Don’t worry Santana just got some stupid idea in her tiny fucking brain and she’s just trying to do everything in her power to make it happen. You know Santana she’ll keep going until she’s forced to alter her scheme. It is how you two became friends.”
Rachel chuckled through the tears as Puck continued to rub her back, “True, I’ll be okay Noah. But we are going to have to figure out a way to alter Santana’s plans before this gets to out of hand.”
Puck leaned down and started kissing Rachel’s neck, getting hard as she began to moan. He had just captured her mouth their tongues massaging each other’s when there was pounding on the door. Rachel broke apart from Puck, who tried to pull her back into the kiss only for Rachel to shake her head.
“Let’s ignore whoever’s at the door,” Puck whispered as he started to kiss Rachel’s neck again right before a new round of pounding on the door.
“We can’t Noah,” Rachel told him as she pulled away completely and stood in front of him. Puck sighed in frustration, swearing to kill whoever was on the other side of the door before kissing Rachel’s protruding belly, the place where their child was, and then standing up and kissing Rachel again.
“Open up bitches!” Santana shouted from the other side of the door as she pounded again and Puck growled at the door.
“Please, can I kill her?” Puck inquired and although Rachel smiled she shook her head before walking to the door and opening it.
Santana walked into the apartment, carrying more shopping bags then Puck thought was possible for one person to carry, and sat the bags down on their coffee table. She gave Rachel a hug, before sending a glare to Puck that matched the one he was sending to her. When she say the baby shower invitation on the table next to the bags she had just sat there Santana grinned and turned to Rachel.
“Did you like the invitation?” Santana grinned at Rachel then frowned in confusion at Rachel’s furious face, “What was wrong with them?”
“Santana,” Rachel began before Puck cut her off from giving whatever long sermon she had been forming in her head.
“We are not naming the baby after your crazy, ass,” Puck exclaimed, “Get that shit out of your head!”
Santana snorted and rolled her eyes, “You both promised!”
“It doesn’t count if we were wasted off our ass!” Puck yelled back, “Now you are going to fix those baby invitations so they say Ester Leah Puckerman and you are going to get this idea of Santana Puckerman out of that stupid brain of yours or I’m going to kill you.”
Santana rolled her eyes, “Fine I’ll change the invitations, but you did promise and I plan on making you keep that promise.”
Puck threw his hands up in frustration before making a move to punch Santana when Rachel laid a hand on his arm and he was instantly calmed. “I’m sorry for the miss understanding Santana, I truly am, but we want the baby to have a Jewish name and Santana isn’t Jewish.”
Santana stared at the two of them for a moment before shaking her head, “Whatever, do you want to see what all I bought for the baby?”
Rachel immediately ran over to the shopping bags but Puck stared at Santana. He knew the girl well enough that she wouldn’t just drop the subject that fast and had a feeling Santana had something already planned.
“Santana?” Rachel asked after looking through the first bag of baby clothes that Santana had bought, “The baby is not wearing clothes that are monogrammed with your name on it.”
Puck arched an eyebrow and made a move to one of the other shopping bags, there were at least fifteen bags on their coffee table. He pulled out some pink dress that had a lot of lace and sure enough across the front was Santana. The next item, a pink bib, had Santana written across it as well. “What the fuck?”
“It’s not my name,” Santana stated firmly, “It’s her name.”
Just then Santana let out a scream as Rachel launched herself off the couch with a murderous look on her face. Puck was just barely managed to put his arms around Rachel to stop her from attacking Santana who had back up against the wall and was still screaming.
“Rachel, baby,” Puck tried to reason with Rachel as she yelled for him to let her go, “The baby remember? I’ll kill her for the both of us.”
“Sam! Help!” Santana was now screaming into the phone, “Puck’s going to kill me! I’m at their place! Help! If I’m dead by the time you get here just I fucking love you alright!”
Rachel was still screaming in Puck’s arms, shouting more curse words then Puck was positive he had ever heard her use at one time and he had to think of dead puppies to keep from pushing Rachel up against a wall and taking her right then.
“Rachel!” Puck tried to reason again, “I’ll take care of this I promise but you have to think of the baby.”
“Puck’s right, don’t hurt little Santana Puckerman!” Santana shouted cause Rachel to find a new strength and almost got out of Puck’s arms.
“Don’t call her that!” Rachel shouted as she kicked her legs and swung her arms like the hot, badshit crazy person that she was.
This went on, for shit Puck didn’t know how long, before their apartment door opened and Sam nervously looked around it. Puck noticed he was shaking his head and laughing but Puck had his hands full trying to keep Rachel from killing her best friend, because as much as Puck wouldn’t mind her doing it right now he knew that Rachel would be upset about it when she calmed down. Sam, still wearing what he had been wearing at the fire house when Santana had called, crossed the room and grabbed Santana by the shoulders.
“What did you do?” Sam demanded and Puck laughed when Santana rolled her eyes.
“I just bought the baby an entire wardrobe,” Santana explained cause Sam to glance over at Puck.
Puck motioned the bags on the table and stated, “Every item has Santana written across the front.”
Sam shook his head and turned back to Santana, “Santana, we have been over this Puck and Rachel are not naming their baby after you. Yes, I know they promised when they were drunk but that does not count, especially since they can’t remember.”
Santana pouted and Sam shook his head again, “But..” she began to say and Sam shook his head, “After all I’ve done for them….” Santana stated and Sam shook his head once again.
“No, look Santana everyone in this room knows that you helped get Puck and Rachel together but you have got to drop this stupid Operation Santana Puckerman shit,” Sam explained, “It’s their lives and their baby. They can give it whatever name they want to and they want to name the baby Ester, which makes sense because ya know their Jewish.”
Santana looked at Sam before glancing over at Puck who had finally managed to calm Rachel down enough to where it just looked like he was holding her in his arms. Puck shot her a nasty look and Santana finally sighed in defeat, “How set are you on Leah for the middle name?”
Puck arched an eyebrow and Santana went on, “You did promise to name your first child after me, which is only fair after everything I have done for the two of you. But since you are insisting on breaking that promise I just thought, can I at least have the middle name?”
“You want us to name her Ester Santana Puckerman?” Rachel asked looking up at Puck who only shrugged.
“Yeah, only ya know I’ll call her little Santana still,” Santana explained, “But no one else has to call her Santana…”
“If we agree to using Santana as the middle name will you stop this crazy shit?” Puck demanded and Santana nodded, “No more telling people her name is Santana Puckerman, you will have to include Ester in the front.”
“Fine,” Santana agreed before Puck looked down at Rachel.
“What ya think babe?” Puck inquired and Rachel shrugged, “I could live with Ester Santana Puckerman but it’s really up to you.”
“Your Ma will kill the both of us,” Rachel commented and Puck rolled his eyes, “But I can live with Santana as the middle name. Ester will still have a strong Jewish name that she is known by and Santana can get out of crazy mood before I end up killing her.”
Puck nodded then looked up at Santana, “Deal, you can have the middle name but Santana?”
“What?” Santana beamed at Puck.
“None of this shit again,” Puck told her, “Or I will kill you.”
“Fine,” Santana stated before grinning at Sam, “Did you hear that? I won! Little Santana Puckerman is going to be a reality!”
“ESTER Santana Puckerman!” Both Puck and Rachel shouted as they watched Santana grab Sam’s arm and drag him out of the apartment. Puck turned back to Rachel and grinned, “So, where were we before crazy interrupted?”