wine and thoughts
Bonnie and I had a fabulous discussion this evening about guys. about heartbreak. about frustration over mind games. over superficial dating. About not wanting to deal with bull shit. We've decided to just have one night stands for the rest of our lives. or until our jobs make it so it's not a good idea. then we drank white zin "together" as she's 16 hours ahead of me. I ended up drinking the whole bottle. oops.
but who am I kidding. I won't do one. I'm too shy. Too scared. All that jazz. I am just afraid of getting hurt. Dr. Simon gave me two points to ponder today, about if scars ever heal or fade, and if you never make the same mistake twice, how do you know the second time would be a mistake? Some scars do fade, but there are two scars especially that will never completely heal. They just keep getting ripped open time and time again. And I can't make the same mistake twice. I don't want to even try to see if the second time will be a mistake or not. The first time around brought me to my knees. Lord only knows what the second time could do and I'm not willing to even try.
but the weekend...good. Met my parents in GR at the Macaroni Grill, and Tom also met us. Had lunch, got some goodies from them. Tom and I went shopping, because I had some money for one. I *gasp* fit into a pair of size 2 Gap jeans. Mind you, they are the curvy fit, but still. Size 2. I don't know if I've ever fit into a pair of size 2 pants. Of course, I had to buy them. along with a cute button down. and a sweater from Abercrombie. Went to Tom's holiday work party with him. Even though it was free food and beer, I couldn't get my drink on. Probably because Tom was the only person I knew there, and I just felt uncomfortable, and I can't drink when I'm uncomfortable. *sigh* started to not feel good, so I went back to the hotel room (it was at the Crown Plaza and they all got rooms for the night) and I tried to sleep. Tom stumbled back and managed to turn the air conditioning on instead of the heat up, so the room got freezing. I ended up hopping in bed with him for awhile because we were so damn cold. Left around 11, came back, did the gym, and went to the library with Trang.
at work, us office bitches decided to play for drinks who had the worst ex boyfriend break up. I busted out the Mike story, and topped it off with Doug. Needless to say, I won 6 drinks. I didn't even mention Scott.... I would have won more.
and I just give up on men. I just want friends. and nothing else. just someone who can make me laugh, hang out with, and make it all go away....in a platonic way.
but who am I kidding. I won't do one. I'm too shy. Too scared. All that jazz. I am just afraid of getting hurt. Dr. Simon gave me two points to ponder today, about if scars ever heal or fade, and if you never make the same mistake twice, how do you know the second time would be a mistake? Some scars do fade, but there are two scars especially that will never completely heal. They just keep getting ripped open time and time again. And I can't make the same mistake twice. I don't want to even try to see if the second time will be a mistake or not. The first time around brought me to my knees. Lord only knows what the second time could do and I'm not willing to even try.
but the weekend...good. Met my parents in GR at the Macaroni Grill, and Tom also met us. Had lunch, got some goodies from them. Tom and I went shopping, because I had some money for one. I *gasp* fit into a pair of size 2 Gap jeans. Mind you, they are the curvy fit, but still. Size 2. I don't know if I've ever fit into a pair of size 2 pants. Of course, I had to buy them. along with a cute button down. and a sweater from Abercrombie. Went to Tom's holiday work party with him. Even though it was free food and beer, I couldn't get my drink on. Probably because Tom was the only person I knew there, and I just felt uncomfortable, and I can't drink when I'm uncomfortable. *sigh* started to not feel good, so I went back to the hotel room (it was at the Crown Plaza and they all got rooms for the night) and I tried to sleep. Tom stumbled back and managed to turn the air conditioning on instead of the heat up, so the room got freezing. I ended up hopping in bed with him for awhile because we were so damn cold. Left around 11, came back, did the gym, and went to the library with Trang.
at work, us office bitches decided to play for drinks who had the worst ex boyfriend break up. I busted out the Mike story, and topped it off with Doug. Needless to say, I won 6 drinks. I didn't even mention Scott.... I would have won more.
and I just give up on men. I just want friends. and nothing else. just someone who can make me laugh, hang out with, and make it all go away....in a platonic way.