back to the grind
so I'm back in Lansing now, at the library with Phil. The new semester is upon us. Grades are posted today and I'm pretty nervous. scared shitless is more like it. I'm just praying that I did well...
the last week has been interesting. Christmas was good. Jameson actually slept in until 9:30, which indeed is the sign of the apocolypse, because he's always been up by 7. Got some good gifts, like a DVD player, electric blanket, clothes, new black Docs, other odds and ends. Jameson gave me his iPod, because he can't have it, I guess. I wasn't sure if I should have been horrified by the regifting, or excited by the fact that I had a iPod. Not much else exciting. had dinner. went to see "the Family Stone" and wasn't too impressed. Spent the next couple days bumming around. Had lunch with Amber and it was nice to see her again. Wanted to see some other people, but didn't get a chance to.
went down to Kzoo, saw Kelsey again, and my Shona. Went to Rochester Hills for a Lamie family get together, and yeah, it was a bit awkward like usual. People I don't really know, asking questions about my life that they should know, but don't. Emily and Elizabeth showered me with love, like usual. Went to the Military Ball the next night in Novi with the family. Back in August, when my mom bought tickets, I was really excited to go, because, well, I had a date (Doug). and then I didn't, so Jameson took a friend. I felt out of place there. Felt fat and pale in my dress. But oh well. I did it.
drove back to Kzoo for New Years. I was supposed to have spent the night in Detroit, but things did not pan out. Got to the Pi Phi house to meet up with Ali. She, Lindsay, and I went to Mongolian BBQ to see Carla at work. came back to the house and chilled/napped. Actually almost ended up hanging out with Doug, because I guess he and Ali had made some plans, but thankfully it didn't end up happening. Got ready. I was the DD, no fun. Went to a party at Lindsay's boyfriend's place, and I felt uber awkward there because I really didn't know anyone. No kiss at midnight, disappointing, though I wouldn't have let any guy kiss me on the lips. Called Tom just after midnight and it turned out he was in Kzoo, so he, Josh, and another friend of theirs came over, because they weren't too far away. Saw a guy who looked like Scott, only about 50 pounds heavier and freaked out a bit. Ali and I left, went to ATO, and she ended up shacking up there. I went back to the Pi Phi house, where I laid in her bed all night long, afraid to fall asleep and be besiged with nightmares. I kept seeing Scott in my head over and over again, even awake, torturing me all night long. *sigh* had lunch with Tom and Josh and a couple of their friends, and came back to Lansing to prepare myself for the coming week. fun stuff. had a hard time sleeping sunday night. I guess I was afraid of having the nightmare. but last night I got some good sleep, nightmare free.
So Doug and I have continued e-mailing each other, and what I've realized in these e-mails is that we've both changed so much in the last 4 months. He is not the guy I fell in love with anymore. That guy doesn't exist. I'm not sure how I feel about this new guy he's become. Telling me now that he doesn't want to live in St. Joe anymore, when before that's what he wanted. Being 'independant' and wanting to experience life in ways that are more akin to what I want to do. Telling me that he feels more confident and attractive to women now, just the thing I don't want to hear. Is he that deliberately hurtful, or just dense? I don't want to know those type of things, and I told him this straight up. Why did he feel the need to tell me those types of things? did he think I'd care to know? Whatever. The only thing I know is that he is not the guy I fell in love with.
fell in love with a song. "bless this broken road" rascal flatts. when I actually get married, I'm going to dance to that song with my new husband.
here's to making 2006 the best damn year possible. New year equals a new slate that is clear. No drama on it, and I want it to stay like that. Start my new job tomorrow, and hopefully new friends will come from that. It's a whole new year, and I'm going to make the best of it.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.
the last week has been interesting. Christmas was good. Jameson actually slept in until 9:30, which indeed is the sign of the apocolypse, because he's always been up by 7. Got some good gifts, like a DVD player, electric blanket, clothes, new black Docs, other odds and ends. Jameson gave me his iPod, because he can't have it, I guess. I wasn't sure if I should have been horrified by the regifting, or excited by the fact that I had a iPod. Not much else exciting. had dinner. went to see "the Family Stone" and wasn't too impressed. Spent the next couple days bumming around. Had lunch with Amber and it was nice to see her again. Wanted to see some other people, but didn't get a chance to.
went down to Kzoo, saw Kelsey again, and my Shona. Went to Rochester Hills for a Lamie family get together, and yeah, it was a bit awkward like usual. People I don't really know, asking questions about my life that they should know, but don't. Emily and Elizabeth showered me with love, like usual. Went to the Military Ball the next night in Novi with the family. Back in August, when my mom bought tickets, I was really excited to go, because, well, I had a date (Doug). and then I didn't, so Jameson took a friend. I felt out of place there. Felt fat and pale in my dress. But oh well. I did it.
drove back to Kzoo for New Years. I was supposed to have spent the night in Detroit, but things did not pan out. Got to the Pi Phi house to meet up with Ali. She, Lindsay, and I went to Mongolian BBQ to see Carla at work. came back to the house and chilled/napped. Actually almost ended up hanging out with Doug, because I guess he and Ali had made some plans, but thankfully it didn't end up happening. Got ready. I was the DD, no fun. Went to a party at Lindsay's boyfriend's place, and I felt uber awkward there because I really didn't know anyone. No kiss at midnight, disappointing, though I wouldn't have let any guy kiss me on the lips. Called Tom just after midnight and it turned out he was in Kzoo, so he, Josh, and another friend of theirs came over, because they weren't too far away. Saw a guy who looked like Scott, only about 50 pounds heavier and freaked out a bit. Ali and I left, went to ATO, and she ended up shacking up there. I went back to the Pi Phi house, where I laid in her bed all night long, afraid to fall asleep and be besiged with nightmares. I kept seeing Scott in my head over and over again, even awake, torturing me all night long. *sigh* had lunch with Tom and Josh and a couple of their friends, and came back to Lansing to prepare myself for the coming week. fun stuff. had a hard time sleeping sunday night. I guess I was afraid of having the nightmare. but last night I got some good sleep, nightmare free.
So Doug and I have continued e-mailing each other, and what I've realized in these e-mails is that we've both changed so much in the last 4 months. He is not the guy I fell in love with anymore. That guy doesn't exist. I'm not sure how I feel about this new guy he's become. Telling me now that he doesn't want to live in St. Joe anymore, when before that's what he wanted. Being 'independant' and wanting to experience life in ways that are more akin to what I want to do. Telling me that he feels more confident and attractive to women now, just the thing I don't want to hear. Is he that deliberately hurtful, or just dense? I don't want to know those type of things, and I told him this straight up. Why did he feel the need to tell me those types of things? did he think I'd care to know? Whatever. The only thing I know is that he is not the guy I fell in love with.
fell in love with a song. "bless this broken road" rascal flatts. when I actually get married, I'm going to dance to that song with my new husband.
here's to making 2006 the best damn year possible. New year equals a new slate that is clear. No drama on it, and I want it to stay like that. Start my new job tomorrow, and hopefully new friends will come from that. It's a whole new year, and I'm going to make the best of it.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.