Quotedump
Adventuring Party Politics: The Campaign is Getting Ugly
GM: OK, the bugbear attacks you. What do you do?
OBAMA: I send one of my 672 henchmen after it.
MCCAIN: OK, seriously. Why does he have so many henchmen? I'm a level 72 ranger and he's only a level 8 paladin.
OBAMA: Well, if you'd bought the Grassroots Organizing and Oratory/Colgate Smile proficiencies you could min max it so that you...
MCCAIN: Why is he even IN this campaign? I thought this was supposed to be a high level party.
OBAMA: Well, maybe some people got tired of the grim and squinty "Matterhorn, son of Marathon" shtick you keep doing. Dude, could you be any less original?
MCCAIN: Oh my god, I did not leave my left nut in a tiger cage in the Tomb of Horrors to spend my Friday nights mopping up after the new kid.
OBAMA: "My friends, I am a totally unoriginal grizzled character class stereotype. I should lead the party because I have more testicular damage than that one."
MCCAIN: Yeah, well, you pal around with dark elves.
OBAMA: OH NO YOU DIDN'T.
MCCAIN: Whatever, so's your mom.
OBAMA: So's your FACE.
MCCAIN: So's your Mom's face!
HILARY: WTF you guys. Why am I playing the cleric?
MCCAIN: Hilary, we've been over this.
HILARY: No, dude. I am so sick of being the girlfriend healer. Seriously, I can't even use a sword. Fuck this noise.
KUCINICH: IM A BARD
OBAMA: That's nice.
KUCINICH: MY FAMILIAR IS A PURPLE SNOW LEOPARD
MCCAIN: Oh, Jesus. Here we go.
KUCINICH: DID I MENTION MY WIFE IS A TOTALLY BANGIN DRYAD WITH 20 CHARISMA
HILARY: C'mon you guys, I've been playing this shit since Gygax was in eighth grade. Why can't I be the party leader with the magic sword for once?
MCCAIN: Because no one wants to see you in a bronze bra.
OBAMA: Oh dude, BURRRRRNNNN.
HILARY: SCREW YOU, Grandpa. I will so kick your ass.
MCCAIN: Yeah? Bring it! I didn't spend 3 years in the Abyss with Githzerai hooking my nads up to a car battery to get beat by some Wellesley girl.
HILARY: WHATEVER, you can't even lift your arms over your head.
RON PAUL: I brought my Planescape character!
OBAMA: Dude, we're playing Forgotten Realms.
RON PAUL: I rift in from Sigil! I'm a Chaotic Neutral Tiefling Barbarian/Monk/Rogue!
MCCAIN: DUDE, that is not even LEGAL.
RON PAUL: Ronpaul the Barbarian say: suck it! Guns and abortions and weed for everyone! WHEEE!
PALIN: Hi folks! Sorry I'm late! I brought caribou burgers.
HILARY: Who the HELL is this?
MCCAIN: It's cool, she's with me.
HILARY: No! No, it's not cool! Every time you bring one of your rodeo-queen girlfriends in here she ends up playing some succubus infiltrator and killing the whole party!
MCCAIN: Now, that is patently untrue.
BIDEN: He has a point. Cindy turned out to be a vampire.
MCCAIN: DUDE. SHUT UP.
GM: You guys, seriously, if you don't knock it off with the bickering I'm going to start docking XP.
MCCAIN: You know what? Fuck it. I'm suspending the campaign.
GM: You can't do that! Only I can suspend the campaign! I didn't suspend it for the 1988 Mountain Dew shortage and I'm not going to suspend it now.
KUCINICH: YOU GUYS I AM TOTALLY CASTING A CANTRIP
MCCAIN: Oh my god, Dennis, shut up, you don't even count.
KUCINICH: YOU GUYS ARE DICKS
BIDEN: Where are the Cheetos?
RON PAUL: Wait. What happen to tiny Mormon Man?
GM: You find Mitt's lifeless, drained corpse has been stuffed in the broom closet.
HILARY: Oh, God DAMMIT.
MCAIN: Not ok! NOT OK!
OBAMA: What, I didn't even get a detect evil roll for that one?
HILARY: I TOLD you she was a succubus, but did anyone listen? Oohhhhh no, Hilary's just jealous of the beauty queen.
RON PAUL: Pretty Lady screw Mitt lifeless. Ronpaul SMASH!!
MCCAIN: Would you please go light up a spliff and stay out of this? The grown ups are talking.
RON PAUL: Why pretty lady suck life out of Mitt and not Ronpaul? Not fair!
HILARY: I mean, never mind that I'm the one with 17 Wisdom, but does anyone listen to the girl? Noooooo.
RON PAUL: Also Mitt have stupid name. Who name kid after baseball equipment?
KUCINICH: HAY YOU GUYS CHECK OUT MY HEAD OF VECNA TRICK
HILARY: This never would have happened when Tim Russert was our GM.
GM: You know what? Forget it. Rocks fall, everyone dies.
OBAMA: Screw you guys. I'm going to go play Bunnies and Burrows at Jon Stewart's house.
HILARY: Me too.
MCCAIN: Me too.
KUCINICH: GAZEBO! --somehedgehog
And bulking up the Guest Star on Shows About Robots part of her resume, it's Stephanie Chaves-Jacobsen as Derek's once and future girlfriend... --pellucid on The Tower Is Tall But the Fall Is Short
I can totally see John and Rodney geeking out about this, especially since their dream date apparently consists of playing Civilization and eating Cheetos and maybe making some drunk prank radio calls at around three in the morning. --thefourthvine
I do recall trying it a few years before and being bored, but I was somewhere around five years old, so this is hardly substantial literary criticism. --kate_nepveu on The Lord of the Rings
Note to the writers: have your victims cuddle fewer kittens if you don't want me to cry when you re-torture them, you inconsistent script hacks. --greensilver on Yellow Fever
Neccos tasted of cleaning products. Personally, I found it kind of refreshing until sainfoin_fields found the one that tasted exactly like Comet... --sophia_helix
There do seem to be a lot of plots that go, "The gang is flying along and suddenly someone does something selfish which gets everyone else into a lot of trouble. Nasty liquids are expelled from some orifice. Aeryn and John make eyes at each other. Everyone runs down a corridor or two. Aeryn has a big gun. Some poor defenseless actor cries at a Muppet. There's an explosion. The problem is resolved by (1) shooting, (2) weeping, or (3) more nasty liquids, and then everyone eats Jell-o for dinner." --serrana on Farscape
I heard, somewhere, that you're having an election soon. I could be wrong, you've been terribly close-mouthed and subtle about it. --mz_bstone, to America
As I said in my previous post, so far, the mythology is shaping up exactly how fans expected it would. Angels are ruthless and not at all nice, and neither brother is willing to make a short-term sacrifice for the sake of a distant, abstract greater good. This leads Dean to defy the angels' commands, and Sam to use his powers, setting them on the road to (I hope!) a final confrontation in which they rebel against both God and the Devil, and come up with their own, lower-body-count method of averting the Apocalypse.
Either that, or Dean will confront Evil!Sam with a Yellow-Crayon-I-Love-You-Charles-Wallace speech, which I think would be less interesting narratively but provides more opportunities for hugging. --giandujakiss
Any party at which there are TWO Lunas is definitely the crunchy people. --casperflea
When watching back episodes of Life on the Tivo, you still get election ads. I think they should be retroactively stricken from the Tivo so this doesn't happen. Because I sat through months of that. It should be over! Over! Over! --barkley
If anything, having a kid seems like it should move the story back from "retired, settled down, no more fighting aliens/solving crime, time to bask in calm perfect love" to "OMG THERE IS A TINY, EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE ALIEN LIVING IN OUR HOUSE AND WE MUST CARE FOR IT."
Possibly my attitudes towards children need adjusting, but then, I was a nanny for three years. --sapote3
Pam! Hi, hi Pam! Pam who looks extra-psychic and wants to kick angel ass! If they're only bringing you back to kill you for a cheap emotional shock, I swear to God I'm going to set Eric Kripke and Sera Gamble on fire with my brain! --tripoli8
Pocket Dustin wins AL MVP! This means, somebody who inhabits basically my body (except if I were a guy, and, like, ever exercised in my life) is the most valuable 150 lb. in the league. Considering most winners average 200 lb., and about 6 inches taller, it is safe to say that Dustin Pedroia is the densest repository of baseball value you can find. He is practically made of gold bars! --veejane
But mostly, I was all, "Toby Ziegler is NOT a torturer! He is honour and integrity personified!" Character imprinting is tough to shake off, yo. --vonnie_k on Complications